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[Travis]

At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
[humor]

[txseawater]

Did you know why God created Adam first and then Eve? It was that God did not want her telling him how to do it.      

[amy3js]

Did you know why God created Adam first and then Eve? It was that God did not want her telling him how to do it.      

ROFL!!! Great jokes!

[healthyinOhio]

This is an OLD one but good one.

Did you know that women will not be in heaven?  Because in Revelation it says:  And there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour. 

This is a great thread.  My husband and I are constantly making jokes and laughing. We have much joy in our house, and it really doeth good like a medicine. 

[txseawater]

Adam and Eve were going around naming all of the animals. Eve would say "Bear" and Adam would agree. Adam would say "Giraffe" and Eve would agree. They came upon one creature that puzzled them somewhat and then Adam finally said "Hippopottomus". "Hippopopotomus?!" said Eve. "What makes you say "Hippopotomus"?! And Adam replied, "Well, it looks more like a Hippopotomus than anything else I've seen.

Told to me over and over by my mother .  Is this funny? I don't get it!

[Beth]

Adam and Eve were going around naming all of the animals. Eve would say "Bear" and Adam would agree. Adam would say "Giraffe" and Eve would agree. They came upon one creature that puzzled them somewhat and then Adam finally said "Hippopottomus". "Hippopopotomus?!" said Eve. "What makes you say "Hippopotomus"?! And Adam replied, "Well, it looks more like a Hippopotomus than anything else I've seen.

Told to me over and over by my mother .  Is this funny? I don't get it!

  I don't know, I don't get it either.  But for some reason it made me smile. Maybe I have the same sense of humor as your mother.

[txseawater]

O.k. then I'll tell you her other hilarious favorite joke she always could barely tell for laughing.

Three little penguins were standing on an iceburg getting ready to dive off into the water. The first one jumped off and on the way down yelled "Radio!!!" The next one jumped off and yelled "Radio!!!" The third one jumped off and yelled "Radio WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!" 

 

[Beth]

Yep! That one got an outright giggle. Don't ask me guess I have an unusual sense of humor. Or maybe the Lord knew I needed extra medicine!           Here's one our pastors wife laughed til she cried over~ what did the blonde say when she saw a box of cheerios? Oh look barbie donuts!   She laughed so much we laughed at her laughing!  By the way she was blonde.

[Travis]

A will is a dead giveaway.

[khix]

A man was praying to God one night, and he asks, "God, what does a million years seem like to you?"

God answers, "About a second."

The man then asks, "God, what does a million dollars seem like to you?"

God answers, "About a penny."

After thinking for a moment, the man finally asks, "God, may I have one of those pennies?"

God answers, "Yes, my child - just a second."

[Travis]

I'm a Mennoknight.   We are the fist in pacifist!

[HelpmeetPlusHelpers]

My dh told me this joke:

Satan was out walking the earth one day looking for something to do.  He was a little bored when he came upon this small country church.  It was a Sunday and services were going on, so he decided that he would spice the service up a bit.  He burst through the back doors with fire leaping from his fingers, his eyes red as hot coals, and putting on one of his best displays of what most people think he should look like.  Well, this emptied the church rather quickly except for one old man sitting on the front row who sat patiently gumming what was left of his teeth.  The devil walked up to the man and looked down at him wondering what was wrong with this guy.  " Okay, what gives?" the devil asked the man.  "I put on a good show like that and you just sit there.  Why aren't you scared?"  The man replied "Well, that was pretty good, but after living with your sister for fifty years I kinda got used to it."

(I guess the wife has never read CTBHHM)

[ps100vs5]

It's winter time in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt!
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!!

[txseawater]

It's summertime in South Texas
and there's blowin' a light breeze.
You can smell the town of Luling 
as you yank up all them weeds.

Oh how I do love Texas
From the hills down to the coast.
Just pray yer A/C's workin'
else you know yer gonna roast!

Yep, you really do get used to it
once you learn yer way around.
You might go visit elsewhere
but you'll always head on back to Texas - so I've found.
 

[SC lady]

In springtime South Carolina
Not a breeze will stir the air
That is filled with yellow pollen
And humidity to spare.

In dear old South Carolina
Summertime is on its way
With triple digit temps
And more humidity, ‘Oi vay!’

Autumn’s only clue here
Will be falling leaves to rake
We’ll see warm humid weather
Until the New Year breaks

Oh I do love South Carolina
Because of the people that we know
But if you want real winter
Book a flight to Ontario

[Travis]

Oh I do love South Carolina
Because of the people that we know
But if you want real winter
Book a flight to Ontario

LOL!! :D

[nexis777]

It's winter in Missouri
Cold winds blow freezing cold
It hailed about 2 inches today
And freezing rain sure does get old.

I've never seen so much lightning
That lights up everywhere
It comes from all directions
And electrifies the air.

We've had tornado warnings
We have humidity
I'd like to thing that spring will come
They say eventually

For one day it's below zero
The next day freezing rain
The third day it is 70
The fourth it snows  again.

[ForeverGirl]

"'Bout how many chill-rens you got?"
The Navajo grandma said
"Almost five," I answered her
Whilst pointing with my head

At my New Mexican crew of four
And rubbed my belly round.
"Tha's good and somehow right;"
She grinned - and then a wrinkled frown...

"Them Anglos from the East don' know
What husbands is for..." she clucked her tongue.
(I love New Mexico for Navajo Sh'mas -
For a wisdom that's ever-young.)

[txseawater]

What does that mean? What ARE they for? 

[EdgyBlue]

!

[ps100vs5]

Did you hear about the Newfie who went ice fishing?
He caught fifty pounds of ice and his wife almost drowned trying to cook it.

I hear, Sven and Ollie had similar problems. 

[txseawater]

 ???I am STILL trying to figure out what the Navajo Sh'ma Granny said! ??  ForeverGirl - please help me out!!

With me, one of the funniest things about jokes is that it always takes me longer than everyone else to figure them out, so folks usually get to laugh twice! Once at the joke, and once at me. 

[Whiterock]

Hmm... what could a husband be for, that would also cause four babies and one on the way?   

WR

[Travis]

A Mennonite from Manitoba discusses Globil Warmings http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZsgYDv_Us0

FYI: there are people who actually talk like this... absolutely hilarious to us that have grown up in this culture

[ForeverGirl]

Hmm... what could a husband be for, that would also cause four babies and one on the way?   

WR

[bluestripe]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was impossible for a whale to swallow a human being, because although they were large mammals, there throat was small.

The little girl stated the Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human being; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell."

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him." 

[SC lady]

Duke enjoyed this one:
Two scruffy looking fellows were 'camping' out underneath a bridge. One of the men stumbled over to the creek to wash his face and was startled to see a bright clear reflection of the moon in the water. "Hey!" He called to his friend. "Come look at this."
His buddy, roused himself and stood beside his friend, looking into the water and exclaimed, "How'd we get way up here?!"

[bluestripe]

Here's another good one:
A little girl was sitting at the kitchen counter, watching her mother wash dishes.
Suddenly, the little girl noticed several strands of white hair sticking out against her mother's brunette hair .
She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something which makes me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl sat there for a while thinking of this revelation, and said, "Momma, how come all of Grandma's hairs are white?" 

[DAD2TEN]

We live in Saskatchewan. Winter temperatures usually range from 0* to -50* F.
We went on a ten day trip to Washington and BC.
On the way back home, my sister Lydia teased, "Now that we're in real Canada, you have to wear a coat!"
Uriah (4) replied very seriously, "Remember when we were in fake Canada? We didn't have to!" 

Dad was talking to us about something very important.
       "We're all created to procreate," he said.
       "What?" asked Priscilla (6)
       "We're all made to make babies," Dad explained.
       Uriah (number 9 kid in the line-up) asked, "Even you?!!!" 

[RunAmokFarm]

Q. Did you ever notice that when ducks migrate in their Vee formation,
one side of the line is longer than the other? Know why that is?
A. There's more ducks in it.

If a dog barks in the forest and there is nobody around to hear him,
is he still a "Bad dog"?

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left it!

Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A. A stick.

Q. How do you get down off an elephant?
A. You don't! You get down off a duck, silly!

Q: What type of lights did Noah have on the ark?
A: Flood lights!

Three Blondes were walking through the forest when they
came upon a set of tracks...
The first Blonde said "those are deer tracks."
The second Blonde said "No, those are elk tracks."
The third Blonde said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The Blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

and my favorite...

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup???
A. Anyone can roast beef.

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