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[BJ_BOBBI_JO]

Aw the racoons at the window would have been sooooo cute.

[SC lady]

What kind of a father would I be if I didn't remind people to use coasters?!
. . . And to tuck in the shower curtain?!
And to load the dishwasher properly?!

• big plates at the back
• bowls on the right
• saucers on the left

IMAGINE the chaos!! HUH?!
~ Dalton Humphrey
The New Red Green Show

ROTFL 

[txseawater]

I was at a neighbor friend's home the other day and we were going to prepare dinner together. She seemed to be looking for something. Later I heard her say "Ah Ha!" She then came into the kitchen with the statement, "The kids helped me clean house today! " ..."Oh great!", I said. Then she said, "I FOUND the potatoes..they were in my closet!"   

[lovetoreadmom]

I was at a neighbor friend's home the other day and we were going to prepare dinner together. She seemed to be looking for something. Later I heard her say "Ah Ha!" She then came into the kitchen with the statement, "The kids helped me clean house today! " ..."Oh great!", I said. Then she said, "I FOUND the potatoes..they were in my closet!"   

Where would the fun be without our children?  That's hilarious!!   

[brother dan]

God came to Adam and told him he was going to create him a perfect match! She was always going to be there for him,  would always have the house clean and supper on the table when he came home, would never complain, always be cheerful, and really just fulfill all of his desires all the time without fail!

Adam said,  ' yeah, but how much is that going to cost me?'
God replied, 'About an arm and a leg.'
Adam thought for a moment.......'What can I get for a rib?!'

[txseawater]

 ...that is hilarious!

[lovetoreadmom]

Yesterday, when DS was getting ready for bed, I was helping him in the bathroom (brushing teeth, etc.).  As he was ready to come out, I just had the sudden urge to give him a great big hug.  I put my arms around him and slowly began to tighten a little at a time. 

"Mom, what are you doing?"
"Oh son, I just love you so much I want to squeeze you to death."
"Don't do that, Mom, you'll ruin me."

Coming from a 4yo, I thought it was cute!   

[SC lady]

Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, I've always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure?

Angelina Jolie agreed. 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'

Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the sexiest man alive but I've never had it confirmed.'

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to ask the famed talking 'mirror, mirror on the wall' to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Angelina Jolie was the most gorgeous and Brad Pitt was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day the three devastated friends met for lunch. Shrek sighed dejectedly. 'Well, the mirror told me that I am not the strongest man in the world.'

Brad Pitt shook his head and said: 'And I was SURE that I was the sexiest man alive!'

Angelina Jolie lifted her sad, gorgeous face and said.......

'Who on EARTH are SC Lady and Duke?'

ROTFL! Hahahahahah!

[Travis]

'Who on EARTH are SC Lady and Duke?'

ROTFL! Hahahahahah!

Not quite the way I remember it! 

[denim&lace]

Rotflol over and over....

I don't know why but that really tickled me SC

[SC lady]

'Who on EARTH are SC Lady and Duke?'

ROTFL! Hahahahahah!

Not quite the way I remember it! 

That's what comes from reading a paraphrase! 

Rotflol over and over....
I don't know why but that really tickled me SC

Because if you saw us you'd know that mirror was made out of some of that faith glass.
. . . . 'evidence of things not seen.' *snicker*

[txseawater]

I wanted to bring this thread back up and PLEASE EVERYONE  KEEP IT GOING!!! It's IMPORTANT!!!

I keep thinking about this and I guess this is the best place to put it because ...

I THINK... IMO....some have said....and I have heard and I BELIEVE...IMHO...and my HUSBAND also believes that...

Confession is good for the soul! So, here it is.....

I have been moderated by all of the moderators this last month!!

And that's good! Because what I am doing here ....right here , right now....Well, it's scriptural !!

Philippians 4:5 clearly states  "Let your MODERATION be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand." 

[khix]

LOL at both SC & TxSea!   

[Beth]

 I think they've been spreadin' that "moderation" around ... It does say "to all men"...I've got some myself. LOL!

[SC lady]

ROTFL txseawater and Beth!
SHHHhhhhh! 

We had so many members thinking it was JUST THEM we moderated and no one else . . .
You'll blow our cover! 

[Amy Joy]

Oh, my!  You guys are toooo funny, sea and Beth!
It's "easy" to be a moderator when you work with folks like yourselves who are so so good-humored and gracious about it.

[floydian]

There was a man who wanted to paint his house.  He couldn't decide if he wanted to paint it red or blue.  His wife told him to paint one brick blue and one brick red, throw them both up in the air, and whichever came down first, then that was the color he'd paint his house.

He thought that was a good idea, so he painted the bricks and tossed them up in the air.  The red brick came down, but the blue one never did.
______________________________________________________________
There was a lady who found out she was pregant.  She wanted a sweet baby, so she asked her doctor what she could do to have a sweet baby.  The doctor gave her some sweet pills and told her to take one every day and she'd have a sweet baby.  She followed the doctor's orders and sure enough, she had a very sweet baby.

She got pregnant again, went back to the doctor, and told him that she had had a very sweet baby before and wanted another.  He told her to take the sweet pills again.  She did.  She had another very sweet baby.

Then she found out she was pregnant with twins.  She went back to the same doctor who told her to double the sweet pills.  She followed his advice, only she never gave birth.  She finally died as an old lady, and they did an autopsy on her.  Inside her tummy were two little old men saying sweetly, "You go first."  "No, no, no you go first."  "No, no, you go first."
________________________________________________________________________

There was a lady who had a very loud talking parrot.  She took him on a plane and sat him in her lap.  She sat next to a man who detested parrots.  He was smoking a cigar.  The lady detested cigars.  Finally, she had had enough of the man's cigar.  She asked him if he would get rid of it.  He told her that he would get rid of his cigar if she would get rid of her obnoxious parrot.  She finally thought it worth it and agreed.

So she tossed her parrot out the window and he threw his cigar out the window.

They landed the plane, and what do you know?  There was the parrot!!!!  And what do you think he had in his mouth??

























The blue brick!!!!

[txseawater]

Radio wheeeeee!

[Beth]

LOL! I forgot about that joke. Made me smile all over again!

[txseawater]

A brother in our church always tells "jokes". He just told me a new one, and once again - I caught it later! 

Did you hear about the two cannibals that ate a clown? Yeah, well, the one cannibal said to the other "Don't you think somethin' tastes funny?"

Somebody's bound to have something better to post than this!!!!

[khix]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

[denim&lace]

   HAAAAA!  Khix, that was great... scored points with my husband too...

But he said I could tell you all that I don't preach and holler when he's driving... I just ocassionally flinch. 

[khix]

Got this in an email today:

THE SHOEBOX

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought abo u t the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls
and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,'
she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 't hat explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'



A Prayer.......

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him, and Patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't have time to crochet.

[jrblatz]

A Guy Goes Into The Circus Office And Says, "i Can Climb Up The Centre Tent Pole, Dive Off With No Net, Land On My Head In The Middle Of The Ring, Stand Up And Take A Bow - All For $200."                             "i Don't Know," Says The Ringmaster, "i'd Have To See It First." So The Guy Climbs Up, Jumps, Lands On His Head, Stands Up And Bows - Just Barely.    "ok!" Shouts The Ringmaster. "you're Hired For $200.                        "not $200," Says The Guy, "$500!"                    "i Thought You Just Said $200," Complains The Ringmaster.                     The Guy Says, "that Was Before I Tried It."

[Suchender]

Sorry i just had to bring this one up again

What do you call a cow with no legs?   Ground beef

I got this in an email.



 

 

 

[ridgerunner]

This sounds like a joke, but actually happened about 10 years ago....

It was winter and a lady wanted to be baptized - right away.  So for the first time in years the church filled the baptistry instead of going to the creek.  The baptistry is painted very light blue.  The pastor had filled it up the night before so the lady could be baptized Sunday morning.  The church gathered around to watch and the Pastor gave a brief talk about the symbolism of baptism and sins being washed away, and then baptized the lady.  Sometime in the night, some black flies had landed in the water and drowned.  The water moving after the submersion made them noticeable.  A little girl standing close screamed "LOOK!  I CAN SEE HER SINS!"    lol

[khix]

Subject: Breaking news...

TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK -
 
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a
calculator.. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He
did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying
weapons of math instruction.
 
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and
'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country.
 
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to
every triangle'.
 
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, 'If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they
could not recall a more intelligent nor profound statement by the
President; It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow----

[sohnnenstrahl]

khix, WHERE did you get this? ROFLOL. Yep, good one. It's Forward-Worthy! Therefore, before I copy and send all over the place, may I have the source? If you are the source, may I have permission? If you composed this, our families simply MUST get together before we take off for AK, although just knowing that you appreciate something like this enough to publish it is encouragement enough for us to want to meet y'all. Wanna drive to AZ soon? By the way, I'm glaaaaad to see you smiling, Sweetie. 

[GarlicMomma]

A sick pig got locked into a smokehouse.
A year later he got let out.
You know what he said?
I'm cured!

[khix]

khix, WHERE did you get this? ROFLOL. Yep, good one. It's Forward-Worthy! Therefore, before I copy and send all over the place, may I have the source? If you are the source, may I have permission? If you composed this, our families simply MUST get together before we take off for AK, although just knowing that you appreciate something like this enough to publish it is encouragement enough for us to want to meet y'all. Wanna drive to AZ soon? By the way, I'm glaaaaad to see you smiling, Sweetie. 

It was forwarded to me via email.... I can't claim it!  So, forward as you like!   

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