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[denim&lace]

With a great big smile I reply, "YES!  It's going to be a boy or a girl!" 

which usually gets the response, "or both!"

And the subject is conveniently changed to how blessed I'd feel if God decided to give me twins.   

[ridgerunner]

I must say it was delightful to read through this thread again. You are an amazing group of encouraging women.

One thing I want to ask, though... if anyone is still reading this thread:

We are expecting #5   I still get the negative comments about my 4.... Dh and I are discussing *not* finding out this baby's gender. I am going to talk it over with my doctor and see if we have any chance of having an ultrasound and *not* finding out the gender. If for some reason baby flashes the goods across the screen, do you think it would be best to answer strangers ( who ask about gender) with " we're not telling"   I expect the curiosity to be very high this time, given what I've seen in the past...

I felt kind of embarassed as I was reading through this thread and realized how many people are uncomfortable with this question.  I usually ask my pregnant friends this, but to be perfectly blunt, I don't really care what they're having, I'm just making conversation.      My only prayer for my pregnant friends is that they have healthy babies and the gifts I give aren't dependant on gender, so its pretty irrelevant to me.  Guess I'll stop using that questions as a baby-conversation starter since so many people are uncomfortable with it...  With the high percentage of people who find out and are glad to know it seemed a pretty safe question. 

So, if one were to say "We decided not to find out!" or "We want to surprise everybody." my response would be "Oh, cool." and nothing more.  The last response could be used if you know, but want to keep it to yourself. 

[amy3js]

I actually agree with ridgerunner. I've read this thread before and I felt really bad that I might have bothered people in the past.  Except with touching the stomach, I've never been ok with that.    Is it anyone asking these questions that bothers ya'll or is it the spirit in which the questions were asked?

[Homeschool_Newbie]

I actually agree with ridgerunner. I've read this thread before and I felt really bad that I might have bothered people in the past.  Except with touching the stomach, I've never been ok with that.    Is it anyone asking these questions that bothers ya'll or is it the spirit in which the questions were asked?

Amy3J's- Hopefully some other people will chime in on this one, but I ask other people what they are having as well. Mostly, I would say it's the spirit in which someone asks. If their attitude is : " Is it a __________?" As in, " It's about time you had a ___________" , then it's rude.... I've had people ask in a really sweet way, and then say something nice... In general, though, at the end of my last pregnancy I just froze when anyone asked what I was having because I was so used to negative responses being the norm.  These days, I tend to go out of my way to tell people with all-the-same gender families that their family is beautiful, only because I know they don't hear that often. I will probably ask these people the gender of their baby only with caution.

[denim&lace]

It doesn't bother me at all.  We just don't have ultrasounds done, so that's the only answer I have to give them.  We have girl, boy, boy, girl, boy... so they aren't expecting us to be trying for anything anymore.     I just don't want to discuss our medical decisions with the general public, as some people think you are neglecting your child if you aren't doing everything the medical community recommends. 

Now questions like: "You guys ARE done now, aren't you?"  bugs me... 

[ladyhen]

I agree that the tone and intent of the question makes such a difference.   It is hard, though, to live outside of America's main stream beliefs, so I think I have become defensive. 
I've had 'interrogations' by people who seemed to want to prove that our beliefs and family values were wrong.  These sort of encounters are, for me, hurtful and tend to make me less interested in offering information.  
And I appreciate what homeschool_Newbie said about encouraging families.  What a thoughtful gesture that is!   I can remember nearly every kindness of this sort that has been offered by strangers.   It is great to pass that sort of encouragement along.  

Seems to be an area where people think it's okay to intrude on private matters.

[amy3js]

Yes, all of what you all wrote makes sense and I would be feeling the same way if I were on the receiving end.  If I ever ask, it is usually as a conversation starter or congratulations.  And if I ever saw any of you walking down the street with your full brood and another obviously on the way, I would just think that was wonderful. 

[andiclare]

I must say it was delightful to read through this thread again. You are an amazing group of encouraging women.

One thing I want to ask, though... if anyone is still reading this thread:

We are expecting #5   I still get the negative comments about my 4.... Dh and I are discussing *not* finding out this baby's gender. I am going to talk it over with my doctor and see if we have any chance of having an ultrasound and *not* finding out the gender. If for some reason baby flashes the goods across the screen, do you think it would be best to answer strangers ( who ask about gender) with " we're not telling"   I expect the curiosity to be very high this time, given what I've seen in the past...

I felt kind of embarassed as I was reading through this thread and realized how many people are uncomfortable with this question.  I usually ask my pregnant friends this, but to be perfectly blunt, I don't really care what they're having, I'm just making conversation.      My only prayer for my pregnant friends is that they have healthy babies and the gifts I give aren't dependant on gender, so its pretty irrelevant to me.  Guess I'll stop using that questions as a baby-conversation starter since so many people are uncomfortable with it...  With the high percentage of people who find out and are glad to know it seemed a pretty safe question. 

So, if one were to say "We decided not to find out!" or "We want to surprise everybody." my response would be "Oh, cool." and nothing more.  The last response could be used if you know, but want to keep it to yourself. 

I do the exact same thing, RR. Most of the time it's just making conversation, not because I want to pry. Especially if someone tells me that they're pregnant....Truth is I am mildly curious and I always think it would seem rude to not seem interested at all, you know? So I usually ask when they're due and if they're hoping for a boy or girl. I'll try to be more careful about that though...I always thought it was a safe question too. It's surprising to hear how common it is to get negative comments about having a baby!

[andiclare]

...And if I ever saw any of you walking down the street with your full brood and another obviously on the way, I would just think that was wonderful. 

Ditto!  Sometimes when I see a mama with a bunch of kids I think, "now SHE is my hero!" lol

[denim&lace]

Honestly, I think people may just feel that they need to justify their choice and/or idea's about family size.  Our choices don't match up with their choices/ideas, so.... 

I don't think they mean to be offensive, just not aware of how some protective Momma may feel when they unknowingly insinuate that we should toss a couple of our darlings back.    

I'm less and less offended as I get older.  I've unwittingly made my own share of comments that could be taken as rude, with not intention of them being rude. 

[sweetestday]

We never find out the gender,  but I have three boys so far. I tell people that we've trying for 6 boys, and that usually settles their worries about whether we will feel bad if it's another boy.  Of course I'd be glad for whatever we get, but I don't like the idea of people feeling like everyone needs one of each gender to have a "complete" family. I have a good friend that never married, and she always wanted 6 boys. She asked if I'd have her boys for her, and I said, "Sure!" So, maybe I just will.   

[Homeschool_Newbie]

I am going in for the 20 week U/S  next week and praying like crazy that I don't mistakenly find out the gender! This is a first for us-- we always find out... but now we have such a peace about *not* finding out...So much so that I"ve had thoughts of wishing that I could skip the ultrasound altogether, but unfortunately I think our doctor needs *other* information from the scan... So I will work with that since God led me to see her.
If we can leave without knowledge of the baby's gender, I'll feel like God just gave me a huge present!

[cjanderin]

Make sure you tell the doctor you don't want to know and if they could just skip over that part!  If you are good at figuring out what it is from a glance and the doc does want to have a quick look at that area then ask them to let you know and you can shut your eyes for a few seconds   Me - I only found out for my #3 but I had to have it shown to me - there is no way I would have seen it by myself ... it just wasn't that obvious at a 20week scan!

[Homeschool_Newbie]

We did not find out baby's gender. So far, the comments we are getting seem much kinder.... My Dh says his co-workers think we are crazy for having 5 kids... but that is to be expected.   So glad we didn't find out.

[andiclare]

I've always said I don't want to find out. I love the idea of not knowing until the moment the baby is born. But man, I never knew how impatient I'd get with my own baby LOL. I want to know, like yesterday. Maybe it's just because this one is #1 and everything is new....hopefully we (we meaning "I"  ) will have some more self-control with our next one.  I admire you ladies who are waiting!

BTW-- I'm just assuming that we'll be able to find out the sex at this next appt, in a week. I've heard of women who weren't able to find out even though they tried, because the baby would never cooperate and get in a position where you can see the boy or girl parts. 

[joyfulmarmee28]

 My sister always found out what she was having... So when I was pregnant with my first I kind of felt a bit of pressure to find out too, but really i was undecided. When I went for my first and only scan baby was sitting in the breech position so the Lord keep us from finding out. With each of our others, we asked not to know. We like the surprise!
I also like to keep quite about the names we are thinking about, so when babe is born we can introduce them. Saves a lot of arguments from relatives that way.
And yes we do get a bit impatient to meet the new little one!

[Homeschool_Newbie]

I also like to keep quite about the names we are thinking about, so when babe is born we can introduce them. Saves a lot of arguments from relatives that way.

Joyfulmarmee- I totally understand this... We have done it with 2 of our 4 boys.... It is so difficult coming up with a name, and then when someone does not like it   With my youngest, we didn't even have a name until 3-4 weeks before he was born... so we just kept it a secret.... I think it was wise. We are sort of attempting to keep names a secret this time as well...

BTW-- I'm just assuming that we'll be able to find out the sex at this next appt, in a week. I've heard of women who weren't able to find out even though they tried, because the baby would never cooperate and get in a position where you can see the boy or girl parts. 

Andiclare-
Make sure that they are 100% on baby's gender... I hear that they can still be wrong, even with the good technology. My former OB told us what our last 4 children were... she had a great reputation of being right about these things. This time I had to see someone new... that was one of the many reasons why I chose not to find out gender... I didn't want them to be wrong.  Anyway, I understand your excitment! I really enjoyed buying the clothes, doing the room, and calling my firstborn by his name for 5 months. It was also fun to prepare for the others after I found out as well.... but especially with the firstborn, I don't think I could have waited! Can't wait to hear your news if you find out.

[MrsUkraineBible]

Okay, we're expecting our fourth child, a boy. We already have three boys and I need some good, gracious comebacks for all those dear people who pity my daughter-less-ness. Any suggestions?

[Homeschool_Newbie]

Mrs.Ukraine wrote:

Okay, we're expecting our fourth child, a boy. We already have three boys and I need some good, gracious comebacks for all those dear people who pity my daughter-less-ness. Any suggestions?

Many CONGRATS!!!!!!!!

Ok, for responses, may I suggest something honest, and truthful:
" Oh I love it"   " We are so blessed"

OR, jokes:
" Yep, we're workin' on the baseball team."

For our family, now that we have five, we are getting more of the baseball team comments  ;Dthan anything else. It is actually starting to get kind of funny, we can expect it almost anywhere we go.   I don't like to be the center of attention, but  actually like the jokes and prefer them to the comments like: " Are you going to try/ keep trying for the girl?" comments which I feel are not approapriate.  To those, I usually say something like: “ I don’t think of it that way, they are all blessings” or “ We don’t know if we are having more”. (It just all depends on the situation) I suspect that the “ have it your way and order it up right now” mentality of our world is what fuels these types of comments... that and the feminist movement which does not value motherhood in general unless a child is treated like a pet ( the ballerina queen, the football star) but that is a whole different post, LOL
Back to the original topic, though:

I know I am probably preaching to the choir here, but I’ll say it anyway: Our world really needs to see moms who love their jobs ( as moms) and are super thankful and well... just giddy with love for their children. We are being watched- even at church...Big families are a bit of a curiosity, and since *some*people think us moms of big families are crazy to begin with, they notice that we  didn’t get our “ girl” or our “boy” and  some are looking to see if we are bitter.( As if we were trying to achieve some goal, and when we get there we will be  “ done”)Perhaps their comments are even fueled a bit by the enemy, who loves to breed discontentment anywhere he can. Anything to distract us from the true high calling to raise godly people, right?  At any rate, I try to send the message that I’m thankful and that I am not trying to reach the goal of having a girl so I can be “ done”. I’m just blessed, period... and trying to get that message across. People are silently wanting to know if all this ( big family) work is worth it, and to that I say “ YES YES YES!” God has blessed my socks off!

Mother Theresa was once asked how to end abortion, and she said “ Have a big family” I think there’s so much truth in that. The more moms who are seen loving and enjoying their children, the more normal it will seem to embrace motherhood as a career that is well worth all the sacrifices.

Anyway, congrats again... and I wish you the best as you learn how to deal with the unwanted comments... I know it’s challenging at times if you don’t want to be the center of attention ... God is still teaching me to be gracious and forgiving.. He’s also shown me that this is an opportunity to be a light. 

[denim&lace]

One mother I knew with many boys would say, "Oh, gracious, NO!  I'm not sure I'd know what to do with a girl now. "   to which most folks would reply, "But I bet you could figure it out." 

[horsemama]

I used to say similar things (I have 1 son and then 5 daughters)..... "we know we can do girls well!" ... or "we are in the girl groove" ..... or "we are girl experts now, not sure if I remember how to raise boys"....

The last one was a preemie, and the only one whose gender we knew beforehand (lots of ultrasounds), so we could honestly say we were GLAD she was a girl, as girls are tougher!!!     ( Girl preemies have statistically highter chances of survival )

[Skydancesmom]

Okay, we're expecting our fourth child, a boy. We already have three boys and I need some good, gracious comebacks for all those dear people who pity my daughter-less-ness. Any suggestions?

We just had our fourth Boy last March, ours were 5 and under then and we didn't know what gender we were having so we didn't get as many comments!  I think the best idea is to smile and seem Truly happy!  Even if the comments are rude, or not really nice, they will leave with the impression "Wow, she really has a heart for her children!  Especially with all those boys!!"  And they may be much kinder to the next lady with her hand full of little boys!

When people look, and double look and say "ALL BOYS??!!" I give a huge smile and say "Oh yes! I'd take a whole house full!" or "It's pretty nice to have so many men dote on me all at once!" or "Yup!  I'll never have to take out trash, mow the lawn, shovel the snow or change my own oil again!!"

My friend always says "were going for a whole voting block!" and she also is one to say to alomost everyone who asks "And we're not even close to done!  Unless the Lord has other plans!!" this takes gender out of it, ask she has 5 girls and just had her first boy!

CONGRATS!!!  I love little boys!  I have a big heart for them!  I'm sure you do too!!!!
SDM

[andiclare]

I know one mom online who has 3 or 4 boys (can't remember exactly) and she always said to strangers, "oh we don't know how to make girls around here!" I don't know, I think that's kinda funny. :p

[Skydancesmom]

right after our fourth boy was born we went to visit a friend in a wealthy area west of here, kind of known for an "only have 2.5 children, must have a new car and have your little ones involved in every possible activity known to man" type of mentality.  We were hitting up some of the outlet mall shops and this man says to me "Have another kid!!" in disgust.  I was shocked, I just smiled warmly at him, he was in his 60's after all afterwards we thought of some funny things we could have said, a little crass but it stopped me from crying!!

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