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Author Topic: My relationship with my mom.......  (Read 2158 times)
Homeschool_Newbie
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« on: July 08, 2008, 04:03:51 PM »

I'm hoping you all can give me a little wisdom on this.......I've been praying since the 4th of July when my mom got frustrated with me and a little huffy in front of my kids. Later, when I called her on the phone and told her that I felt disrespected by her, she unloaded a can of worms on me. Shocked She  had some very negative things to say about my character, and it felt like I'd been hit in the gut. Embarrassed I discussed it with my DH, and he agreed that most of what she said was way off base. She got a lot of things mixed up, and she has misunderstood some things as well.   The timing of it all was very bad, since my baby was only 10 days old, and I'd had a very rough week.......So I've been praying hard for wisdom and for the ability to forgive her.

I am pretty close to my mom-she is a terrific godly grandmother, and has much to offer my family and my children. I call her often, and she seems to understand where I am coming from in the way that I am raising my children, at least most of the time. Now I am wondering if she knows too much about our lives.....? She can go for awhile without overstepping her boundaries, but in the last few months she's had too much advice on how I should be raising our family. When I try to confront her in love, she makes it clear that she thinks I should just let it go when she makes me angry since she chose to let things go with her own father. I understand that I need to pick my battles, but sometimes she tries to play the role of the holy spirit in my life. Shocked For those of you that have a good relationship with your mom ( or MIL) and want to keep her in your life and in your children's lives, how do you do it? How do I help my mom understand that the same holy spirit who lives in her life, is also working in my life, and will help me with any character issues that I have? I'm tempted to try and convince her that she was wrong about the things she accused me of, but I don't even know if it's worth it........Part of me feels like I should try my best to just forgive her, drop the subject, and be a little more cautious about what I share with her.......It's going to be a balancing act since she plays an active grandma role in my children's lives....
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bloodwashed
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« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2008, 07:06:51 PM »

I wouldn't think there's any profit in arguing with your mother the right and wrong of whatever she said. The issue is not what she said, but in how she relates to you, I think.

I'll let the women advise on how a woman should deal with her mother, but I think you got some of it right - pick your battles and blow off the rest. I'm guessing there's some stress in her life, too, to cause her to blow up on you from time to time. How would you react if it was a friend? Would you set some boundaries and basically say, '(yada, yada, yada...) but my husband and I agree and wrong or right, we're going to try it our way first.'?

I guess it's harder to cordially set the boundary with parent, but if it's becoming a problem, I think it needs to be set.

I have, in the past, said something to my MIL that she wasn't accepting when it was coming from my wife. It made for a real quiet moment or two afterwards as she and my FIL didn't know how to respond, but it settled the issue.  I can only recall doing it once. I don't want to interject myself between my wife and her mother, obviously, but for that one time it was important to my wife that they respect our authority to raise our kids our way. For the most part, it's paid dividends ever since but she's getting to where she pushes the boundaries more and more often lately.

She's just as stubborn as my wife, apparently.
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rainygladness
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« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2008, 07:11:41 PM »

........Part of me feels like I should try my best to just forgive her, drop the subject, and be a little more cautious about what I share with her.......It's going to be a balancing act since she plays an active grandma role in my children's lives....

My mom lives many states away from us, so our relationship is long distance.  But for the most part, our relationship has become very shallow.  She has different beliefs, she doesn't pry (anymore) into our lives or offer lots of advice.  So I am glad of that.  But I do miss having a mom to talk to on a heart level. 
Pray for your mom and ask God to direct you on exactly how to handle her.  Ask your husband what he thinks you should do.  I would definately not share much with her anymore.  If she feels she has a licence to punch you in the gut verbally, you have recieved your warning.  Heed it.  It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if that is the way she wants it.  Set clear boundaries, limit your phone calls and let her know (kindly) that you feel your husband's advice is sufficient for your family.  He is your head and it is him you seek to please. 

She doesn't sound like the type that will take this lying down, but relationships need adjustments sometimes and hopefully she will adapt to the conditions you set forth for her.
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« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2008, 03:59:08 PM »

LOL,
I think women in general feel the need to fix all the problems that are in their realm of influence. It's like an impulse to clean up messes, or something. Cheesy

 The godliest mother or mother-in-law might find it a greater temptation than she can bear to keep her mouth shut when something is wrong and she knows "how to fix it."  I know that all the mothers in my life  assume that when I mention a life-decision of any kind, that I am asking her for advice. The advice of our mothers can be useful and a real blessing AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT SUPPLANT OUR HUSBANDS IN ANYWAY.

Note to self:  I need to remember to always point ladies back to their husbands!

I think if I took too many "concerns" to my mom, concerns that I should take to my husband, it could easily become "gossip" or cause c0nflict of interest between her and my husband. It could also dishonor him if I talk too much about decisions that he/we have made, and give place for one of the "mothers" in my life to give her two cents on the matter.

For me, discretion is usually being silent on matters that have to do with family decisions, or family "politics." I still get advice from the mothers in my life, and often it is useful. But it is always subject to my husband, as I am. And, I try to avoid inviting advice/criticism by keeping the conversation on things already decided, agreed upon, or impersonal.

Whenever a leading question is asked of me, like; "what are you guys going to do about..."  I respond with "you'll have to ask Gabe that question, he's the boss."

If, on any occasion, my decisions are usurped, or I am pressed to do something differently because one of the grandmothers says "I'm just worried about..."  I pull myself more closely into my place; next to Gabe. I do not respond to the worry/fear, and keep myself busy and quiet at home for a while, until all blows over. I take the criticism to be an indicator that I have been too far outside of my husband's headship, and must appear to need "directing" (and maybe I actually do!) - so I get back close to my Head, and stay in his "kingdom" where no one else feels the freedom to tell me what to do.  Smiley Wink

Lately I've been looking at my precious kiddos and thinking "Oh man, when they are grown up, HOW am I going to be able to totally let go of them? How will I bear seeing them make mistakes and keep my mouth shut?" LOL - time goes by so quickly... one day we are having our noses wiped; the next we are wiping little noses.

Rebekah
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« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2008, 07:27:10 PM »

I guess it's harder to cordially set the boundary with parent, but if it's becoming a problem, I think it needs to be set.

I have, in the past, said something to my MIL that she wasn't accepting when it was coming from my wife. It made for a real quiet moment or two afterwards as she and my FIL didn't know how to respond, but it settled the issue.  I can only recall doing it once. I don't want to interject myself between my wife and her mother, obviously, but for that one time it was important to my wife that they respect our authority to raise our kids our way. For the most part, it's paid dividends ever since but she's getting to where she pushes the boundaries more and more often lately.

She's just as stubborn as my wife, apparently.

Yeah, I used to be really close to my mom (and still am in a lot of ways) but when it comes to the kids we have gone thru some very trying times and now our relationship is very different. She still doesn't "get it" and I have just become very wishy-washy on the whole thing because I'm tired of the strife and mostly VERY tired of  always being the bad guy in front of the kids. So I guess she is more stubborn than me.

For some reason, to her, feeding the grandkids (especially treats) equals love. She fed my toddler (13mo at the time) so much food and sweets one time that he got sick when we got home. I kept telling her he had had enough and she kept feeding him ("I'm not forcing him--he keeps coming back for more." etc.) and I got so mad and frustrated (most exasperatingly frustrated!!!) that I had to get up and walk out in order to not burst out crying and make a big scene (it was a family gathering). I don't really know why I didn't just go over and pick up my child and take him home. But she has that effect on me, I just felt very helpless at the moment. When talking to my sister afterward, I said that although I can think of very few things in world that I loath more than moving (done it way to much), I was wondering if maybe it was time to live farther away from mom.

Mom has been a little better since then - a LITTLE better (I'm sure she doesn't believe that he was actually sick). Dad sees it and has tried to get thru to her and even just put his foot down, but she  is convinced that it's not her, it's me -- shes not feed them THAT much.

I admit that I don't put my foot down like I used to (like I said I'm just so tired of the constant battle). So I'm sure it will take a long hard conversation/confrontation (again) with me, or with me and dh, to really change anything.

WR
« Last Edit: July 10, 2008, 01:28:14 PM by Whiterock » Logged

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« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2008, 12:59:04 PM »

Last weekend, 4th of July, we spent camping with Andrew's (my DH) family.  So many little things came up between myself and my MIL.  Now, let me preface this by saying that I DO have a phenomenal relationship with my MIL, but it is and will always be a work in progress.  Relationships take a LOT of work.  I have learned (the hard way) a few things:

(1)  I don't ever tell her what our plans might be concerning our visits with them; I ALWAYS tell her she'll have to talk to Andrew.  Its ALWAYS his call. 

(2) I don't discuss concerns of ours.  I leave it up to Andrew to decide what he wants his family to know. 

(3) This is my newest revelation that came just last weekend.  Let me illustrate:

It seemed like each and every decision I made was countered with a "What?  No!  Its CAMP!"  For example, 2yo ds says he is hungry, not 45 min. before we eat.  I happily tell him to wait.  MIL says, "O can't he have____?"  Then, the kids are WAY tired and need to go go bed (its only 2 1/2 - 3 hours past their normal bed time AND they had minimal naps!!!!)  "WHAT!  Its CAMP!  Do they HAVE to go to bed now?"   There were more than numerous situations like this each day.

Now, looking back, I can see just how I should have responded:  With calm, smiling authority that says "This is what I say and what I say goes, no ifs ands or buts!"  Do I do that?  No.  I feel like I can NEVER do ANYTHING right in her eyes, and (childish, I know) I yearn for her approval.  I'm getting over that.  Wink

The first night, laying in the tent I had a BRILLIANT thought:  I'll go to her in love and tell her how it makes me feel when she does all of the above and then some.    I mentioned it to a sleepy Andrew who said, "Sure.  Go for it.  You wont hurt her feelings." 

So the next day I looked for an opportunity to have a little "heart to heart" with her.  In the mean time, I observed her (just to be sure she was in a good mood  Wink)  What I saw, I already knew, but hadn't realized:  She is like that with EVERYONE.  Its not me.  Its her nature, it is who she is and its not going to do one lick of good for me to say anything to her.  The only thing that will happen is I'll get upset when she doesn't change (which she probably wont). 

Needless to say, I held my peace. 

Now, I am making it a point to be sure that when I make a decision, it is (a) a good one (b) in the best interest of my children, not merely for my convenience (c) it is in accordance with what Andrew wishes (if I don't know, I'll ask him!) and - (d) I move in confidence and refuse to take her criticisms personally.  I am just going to rest in Andrew's cover!  Hooray!

O, and another thing.  denim&lace had (has?) something like this in her signature:  "My opinions do not have to be spoken out loud in order to be valid."  I am learning to be meek and quiet, confident and loving.  Lord, help me!!  Cheesy
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« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2008, 01:59:59 PM »

I agree with those of you who have tried to keep the peace.  One thing that has helped me in my relationship with my in-laws, who live around the corner from us!:o Cheesy, is I just don't feel the need to explain why I am doing everything I do.  For example, I get asked to take the children to story time at the library.  I did go once and the story was objectionable at best.  I explained that repeatedly and was always told that now it is much better and I should go again.  I have learned to just smile sweetly and say "no, thank you, we are not going to go."  Then, I offer absolutely no extra explanation.  No explanation=no argument.   Wink

I adore my in-laws and appreciate the fact that they really do not try to run my life.  They are very interested in our children so occasionally, these things come up.  But, the bottom line is, we are the parents and what we say is what is going to happen.  We do not need to explain or argue about it--we just need to do it.   I treasure our relationship and the fact that they care so much about my children.    The bond that they have with my children is special.  I would not ever want to do anything to hinder that bond--it would be cruel to both parties. 
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bloodwashed
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« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2008, 02:06:09 PM »

No explanation=no argument.   Wink


truth
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« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2008, 03:07:08 PM »

Boy, that is something that I have been learning here lately. Someone asked me to do something this ladst week and I said, "No, I can't. I have a lot going on right now." On the way home I asked my dh (we had already discussed the reason why I would not do the thing, and there was more to it then my busy-ness) what I should say when the person asked me again (I know they will) and then asks why I won't. Dh said, "Why do you need to give them a reason? Just tell them no and that is is. Why do you always have to explain?"

I really thought about that. It seems that sometimes when you explain you get yourself in trouble....the quote above is really great to remember. CJ

P.S. Sorry if this is off topic.
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Homeschool_Newbie
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« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2008, 05:46:05 PM »

I want to thank you all for your advice and thoughts.......I have been speed reading through them, and will read them again later........My newest blessing is keeping me very busy! Smiley Keep the thoughts coming, and thanks again!
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« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2008, 09:23:28 AM »

My relationship with my mom is whacked out.

I love her and need her. She is good to my kids and they love her so much. She has a God given desire to help others and give when others are in times of need and she does not brag about it or make it known. She has a strong desire to teach children about Jesus. She was a Sunday school teacher to young children for over 40 years and still to this very day grown up kids come to her in public and say " I remember you! You are ___ and taught me in Sunday school, do you remember me?"   Just yesterday someone said to me in town "is___ your mother? She was my sunday school teacher".

Sometimes she is so fun to be around. She supports me in my acting and missions. She likes cutting up and having fun.

But my mom comes from a troubled past of sad abuse( I cant go into it all for her privacy sake). In addition to that shame and guilt was used on her to get her to 'behave'. I know it was kind of how it was back then in that generation but I feel it was done to much in her house hold. I do not mean to bash my grandparents because they were good ppl as well but I feel their ways of doing some things were wrong in some areas. My grandparents were shamed and made to feel like trashy people by their elders because my grandparents kept having babies until they had 8 kids all which were girls. They got shamed for not being able to have a boy because girls were thought of as not good enough to work on a farm and so on. Glad I wasn't around then or I would have told that person off.

My mom is the emotionally weak type anyways. Easily offended and hurt. She cant forgive easily. She gets all worked up too easy. So with that being in her nature and her past she is hard to be around sometimes. She has been diagnosed with having bi polar. She refuses meds for it. Because of the wrong belief that girls are lesser then boys ( I feel we should love our sons and daughters both not pick and choose genders to love more)  and how that was pounded into her head she treated her sons better then her daughters. She loves her daughters but has strained relationships with us all.

Her relationship with me is the most strained out of all her kids. I am the youngest of 8 and am not the type to follow the crowd just because someone says so. I like my own things my own way and don't understand why ppl blindly stumble around in life always pretending they have to be and act a certain way. I have my own mind.

Because of all that and because I am a freedom lover and not into harsh rigid rules my mother and I have always clashed. When no one else is around to witness it ( at least no one that holds a high standard in her mind) she will unleash on me a line of painful verbal abuse laced with shame and attempts to make me waller in guilt and remorse. As if by her doing that it will suddenly make me see the light and fall at her feet begging for forgiveness for not doing and thinking her way.

 It don't work so well anymore. I give her the look and she knows she has not won and I am not going to fight about it. She laid one of those shame based guilt riddled scream fests  on me yesterday because I  bought her the wrong flavor of popcorn. After she finished shaming me and telling me how selfish and wrong I was for accidentally buying the wrong flavor I said   "you always say I cant do anything right for you so from now on don't ask me to do anything for you since I cant do it right. Do it yourself"

 I did not say is mean or disrespectfully. Just with a back bone.

I did not yell it, nor did I cry it and act all  stupid and emotional. I said it with authority. In fact it surprised me how authoritarian I sounded. Normally she would have continued to yell at me and then start crying and telling me what a terrible daughter I am compared to so and so and how she must have faield as a mother and bla bla bla.. This time she shut up. A few minutes later when she spoke her tone had changed.

I do love her a lot. I had a dream the other night that she died and in that dream I cried and unleashed all of my grieving emotions over the loss. The day my parents die I will be so hurt. I don't even want that day to come. I love them both so much.

But I also don't want to carry on the crazy whacked out emotional shame based verbal abuse. Some of my siblings and their off spring are all messed up because of it. They keep continuing the cycle of emotional sickness with their kids and their kids with their kids and so on. And it is sick.

But I feel to keep up the fighting and to never forgive our mothers is a bad  and unhealthy thing. Some day our moms will die and when they die we don't want to have to waller in regrets that we did not at least let them know that even if we cant get along and agree we can still love each other and try to be civil. I have saw grown kids and their parents refuse to speak to eachother for many years which is a shame IMO when it is mostly over small stuff that can be forgiven or looked over.

I am 37 years old and still get deeply hurt in my soul by my moms stabbing words. I strive to stop the cycle of craziness with my kids. It is a struggle sometimes because I want to fall back into what I know.

I cant change my mom and how she treats me but I can change how I react to it and how I emtionaly process it. I dont want to do to my kdis what was done to me.

Emotional/verbal abuse IMO is one of the hardest types of abuse to get over because it hides in ones mind and emotions and sits there festering and striking out all throughout life. It grows and spreads to those around us. The painful words and emotions become a part of someone and sticks forever. The exact words used to hurt us might be forgotten but their painful meanings are not. Their painful meanings stick like glue and spring up and  cause more strife than I can explain. Which in turn causes troubles in other relationships, in marriages, in jobs, in chruch,  every where.

Abuse is a savage cycle that does not end until some one puts an end to it. And putting an end to it is not easy.

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Sunshine06
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« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2008, 07:36:26 AM »

I don't have a response to the OP, but a question of my own (hope that's alright) regarding conversing with my mom. We have our own version of a whacky relationship which has improved since I've gotten married and don't live at home anymore.

Here's my question: Sometimes in conversation (either verbal or email) my mom will say something negative or demeaning about my dad or brother. Sometimes she'll display a very ungodly attitude when she tells me something my dad did and how she has or how she plans to respond. My struggle is knowing whether (and how) I should say something to encourage/challenge her or just ignore it. She doesn't respond well if she feels like I'm trying to "teach" her (what could I know, I'm her kid?  Tongue).  But I feel like I'm condoning her actions if I say nothing.

For example - in an email today she was talking, in a rather demeaning way, about the way my dad responded to something my brother was doing. She asked me to pray for her that she respond correctly "to keep him from being a jerk".

Umm...how in the world do I respond correctly to that or conversations like that?
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« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2008, 12:10:23 PM »

No one will ever understand us or agree with us.  I'd  hesitate to try to point out how right you are, how wrong she is or how she misunderstood.  Be happy you have a godly grandmother for your kids - many people don't.  Be thankful you have a mom you are close to that loves you and your kids - many people don't.  Enjoy her, she could be gone tomorrow.  Give the rest to God.  I know this is hard to do but in my life, I'm trying that approach now.  I don't have to fight all the battles myself, I just want to enjoy what I can of this life and move on.  I think my mom is a little peeved with me today, that's okay - I love her and it really is more her issue than mine.  Who cares if she misunderstands me, if she questions how right/wrong I am (I don't think she's got it all right yet either Roll Eyes) but she's my mom and I am glad to have her for as long as I can. 
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Sunshine06
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« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2008, 12:41:50 PM »

girly, were you responding to my post? If you were,  I don't think you understood it...if not, I'll just wait for another post. Smiley
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« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2008, 01:00:20 PM »

girly, were you responding to my post? If you were,  I don't think you understood it...if not, I'll just wait for another post. Smiley

Ummmm, nope - i'm an idiot.  I'm so new to this forum I was reading the top post and not yours when I saw it was "new"...

sorry Embarrassed

I've had those situations too but maybe you could gently say something like, "I know we might both see this differently but I don't want to get involved with being critical of dad or my brother or whatever."  If she pushes it, you could just tell her something like, "Mom, I love you and don't want to argue with you.  I just don't think it is good for our relationship to talk about ________".  I'd suspect, if you were consistent in this that maybe she'd just quit.  If this is bad advice, wait for someone who actually is consistent with good advice to come along, like SC or WR or someone Roll Eyes
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Dixiemom
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« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2008, 01:17:48 PM »

Here's my question: Sometimes in conversation (either verbal or email) my mom will say something negative or demeaning about my dad or brother. Sometimes she'll display a very ungodly attitude when she tells me something my dad did and how she has or how she plans to respond. My struggle is knowing whether (and how) I should say something to encourage/challenge her or just ignore it. She doesn't respond well if she feels like I'm trying to "teach" her (what could I know, I'm her kid?  Tongue).  But I feel like I'm condoning her actions if I say nothing.


I would sweetly say "mom, that's my father and I love him.  I don't want to talk about him like this."  and change the subject to something happier.  I would focus more on what you should do/say than on what she is saying.  I don't think that we should be correcting our parents, but that doesn't mean that we have to participate in bad behavior either.
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MommaK
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« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2008, 03:58:14 PM »


For example - in an email today she was talking, in a rather demeaning way, about the way my dad responded to something my brother was doing. She asked me to pray for her that she respond correctly "to keep him from being a jerk".

"Yup, it sounds like you need A LOT of prayer mom."  Smiley
Then pray for her to have wisdom... not for her specific requests.  Cheesy
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« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2008, 04:54:44 PM »

I don't have a response to the OP, but a question of my own (hope that's alright) regarding conversing with my mom. We have our own version of a whacky relationship which has improved since I've gotten married and don't live at home anymore.

Here's my question: Sometimes in conversation (either verbal or email) my mom will say something negative or demeaning about my dad or brother. Sometimes she'll display a very ungodly attitude when she tells me something my dad did and how she has or how she plans to respond. My struggle is knowing whether (and how) I should say something to encourage/challenge her or just ignore it. She doesn't respond well if she feels like I'm trying to "teach" her (what could I know, I'm her kid?  Tongue).  But I feel like I'm condoning her actions if I say nothing.

For example - in an email today she was talking, in a rather demeaning way, about the way my dad responded to something my brother was doing. She asked me to pray for her that she respond correctly "to keep him from being a jerk".

Umm...how in the world do I respond correctly to that or conversations like that?

I think it depends somewhat on your family ways and politics. Some families are very nice and polite, others are rather rude and sarcastic - in a friendly, family way, of course.  Wink 
Gabe's family is Greek (see My Big Fat Greek Wedding). They are loud, rude, and hilariously sarcastic. If you tried to rebuke one of them quietly and politely, you'd instantly be verbally dismantled, examined, and put back together in some horrendous likeness of yourself over which you would never recover. Cheesy 
And my family (Dad) is Jewish. That means, all the rude sarcasm of the Greeks wrapped up in a ridiculous joke that completely undercuts your attempt to seriously convey the need to change.  Tongue

So, in my family, only the direct, obvious response would work:
 
Quote
She asked me to pray for her that she respond correctly "to keep him from being a jerk".

"I'll pray that you won't treat him like a jerk. "

And, if in direct conversation my  husband or my father were being criticized (not a really scenario for me) I would respond with... "hey, you're talking to the wrong person! Let me go get him/call him for you so that you can tell him yourself what you think about him..."

However... most families are not as rude and overpowering as ours and so setting boundaries would probably work better...

Boundaries:
 BJ Bobbie Jo talked about telling her mom to "get it yourself next time" when she was complaining. She didn't call her Mom names, or deride her - she just laid down the boundaries. Setting boundaries can save you both from grief.
You can do this by not replying to emails (I have used this a lot with complainers) or hanging up the phone rather suddenly; "Goodbye now..." or by getting up to leave early during a visit when the conversation goes bad.

JM2C,

Beka   
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Boogbug: Mom... some people are Human Beings.

Me: Oh yeah? What are all the others?

Boogbug: Some are Monsters and some are Robots.
Sunshine06
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Posts: 338



« Reply #18 on: August 11, 2008, 08:24:00 AM »

"I'll pray that you won't treat him like a jerk. "

Oh, I love that! Unfortunately my family falls into the more polite/easily offended category. (My husband's family tho is alot more like yours.) I'll have to figure out a way to make this type of thing work - make a lighthearted comment that will stop the direction of the conversation. Thanks.

Boundaries:
 BJ Bobbie Jo talked about telling her mom to "get it yourself next time" when she was complaining. She didn't call her Mom names, or deride her - she just laid down the boundaries. Setting boundaries can save you both from grief.
You can do this by not replying to emails (I have used this a lot with complainers) or hanging up the phone rather suddenly; "Goodbye now..." or by getting up to leave early during a visit when the conversation goes bad.


Yea, that's something I need to do. The boundaries have always been fuzzy - both my parents would complain to me about each other when I was a kid, so we've made progress but old habits seem hard to break.

MommaK - I love your comment too. Gotta find a funny way to get the point across. Smiley

Girly - I didn't think you were an idiot at all! It took me a minute to figure out your reply didn't correspond to my post (so maybe I'm the idiot  Tongue), and then I thought that maybe I wasn't clear. Things make so much more sense in my head.

Thanks for all the replies.  Smiley
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Non nobis, non nobis, Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam.
Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto Thy name give glory.
Homeschool_Newbie
Master

Posts: 867


The best of summer...


« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2010, 05:47:18 PM »

Ok, if you all don't mind... I have a new question regarding my mom... If she is concerned that our family is not doing enough " activities" for the kids, should I direct her back to my husband? I am not sure I handled her very well today... I've been so much better at being sober in general around her lately. Roll Eyes She told me that one of my sons expressed that he misses going to AWANA... something we gave up for another worthwhile activity which only lasted for a short time. We haven't done much " activities" in the last few months with our kids, and she expressed concern. Specifically, she wanted to know if my children can attend her church VBS this summer. She is concerned about how the material is being taught, so she is going there as a ministry of sorts. She wants my children to come because she is inviting my (unsaved) niece. I told her that we can't be in 2 different classrooms making sure the children are safe-- eventually 5 different classrooms since I will be a mom of 5. Our family just doesn't " do" VBS anymore, or sunday school or any of that... and I find that when oldest used to do that stuff, he missed it for a long time after we quit.  Anyway- she made a comment about the kids being locked up, or something like that Huh Which is not true. I got mad and told her to stop playing the holy spirit in our lives. I'm not so sure I handled her the right way... I"ve been really good about letting stuff go lately... Should I have directed her back to my husband?

« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 05:49:55 PM by Homeschool_Newbie » Logged
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