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[tynnille]

Hey Ladies,
    We just had a baby girl after having 4 boys. The boys sleep in a bunk room (a walk in closet converted to hold six bunks). Everyone keeps asking where we are going to put her room. We just planned on her sharing with her brothers till she was older. When she gets to be about 15 months old we plan on putting her in the big kids bed with the boys in the bunk room.
    I guess I was wondering if there was some out there that don't think this is a 'bad' idea. Is it really wrong for sisters and brothers tosharea room? I can understand once they are past a certain age and that they would have seperate changing a areas, but I don't see why sleeping areas have to be seperate. But I could be wrong, I kow the 'seperate' side of the issue, are there any of you out there that think it isn't so bad?
    Just wondering. Tennille

[hi_itsgwen]

I have a boy and girl that sleep in the same room in bunks, as we've transitioned into a schedule with the baby.  They enjoy sleeping in the same room, but my girl is older, and it's only a temporary sleeping arrangement.  But I'm thinking a permanent mixed sleeping area is not a good plan.  Especially with older boys.

Boys are just a different breed.  Especially in a room full of brothers...the testosterone is just palpable.   And sooner or later someone is going to get curious or silly and she's going to be exposed to some things that might not be so fitting for a little girl.  I don't know if all boys are this way, but in my experience, boys are not as patient with littler siblings, and it may be a tough transition on them as well.  I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's 'wrong', just not the best idea IMHO.


 

[Mrs. B]

My kids are 10 and 6 now.  They have always had their own rooms, but chose to sleep together for quite some time.  My older is a girl and the younger a boy, and I do think that this was a contributing factor.  If the genders were switched I'm not so sure this would have continued if ever started.
Even now they do an occasional 'sleep over' together in one of their rooms, but as my daughter gets older these are becoming fewer and far between.

[lovetoreadmom]

My first thought when reading this was that if your DD were only sharing w/ the youngest of your four boys it would probably work okay.  I agree w/ hi_itsgwen on this to say that the boys who are the oldest (first two, esp.) I think would be too far of a spread in ages to have a little girl in with them.

I am expecting our third (a boy), and at this point our DS (4yo) and DD (21mo) each have their own rooms.  However, I think that they would be able to share for a little while until DS #2 is really old enough (sleeping well through the night, less night feedings, etc) to keep from disturbing DS #1.  At that point, I want the boys to share, but there will probably be a time when DS #1 and DD will share while DS #2 is waking for feedings, etc.  There is only a 2 1/2 year gap b/t DS #1 and DD, so I think it is okay for them to share for a short period of time when they are at such young ages.  JMHO

HTH   

[boysmama]

We, my sister's and brothers, shared a bedroom for a long time. I think my oldest brother was 10 when the space for beds ran out.  A small "boy's" room got added for him. Probably my parents thought it was time to separate us, but we the children never thought of that. We girls were 14 years and younger. Myself and a sister ( 7-8 years old at the beginning) took turns taking the babies that were down to one early AM feeding into our bed (8 months or so). Since we took turns this meant each sibling slept with one of us until they were 3-4. We took care of them at night- going potty, soothing, and changing wet sheets  . After the boy's room existed the little guys moved in there when they got bumped from the big girls bed. I think my oldest brother always had his own bed. My youngest sibling, a boy moved in with his brother 14 years older when he was 2. My brothers always seemed to enjoy babies very much. Of course there's a little grumbling about getting up in the middle of the night, but we girls did that too... But boys and girls alike knew that taking care of babies was just part of life and we all looked forward to having children of our own. We all still want to have relatively "large" families so no, we didn't get scarred emotionally from this. 
It depends on each family. Bedrooms for us were places to sleep, not play so we all changed in the bathroom and got into our beds. I have fond memories of singing the little ones to sleep, and chatting quietly in the dark. IMO sharing a room is ok. Sharing beds should probably be limited to the same gender once they're beyond toddler age and alot of it depends on the atmosphere of your home and training.
Play times with other kids is where I really watch to protect my children (all boys at this point.) 

[Dixiemom]

My youngest DD shares a room with her 4-year-old brother.  It has worked out fine.  As she gets older, she will move into the room with her two sisters.  My DS has been very protective of her and thinks of her as "his" baby.  It has been a great experience for us so far. 

We would like to build on soon, but at this point, this arrangement works for us.

[kamom]

  Though this is not how it's usually done, our two, DS8 and DD7 have shared a room most of their life. They both love it.
They have a large bunk with him on top and a real play room as far as decor. As boysmama said, this is a place to sleep in, they change in the bathroom. I see no problems with it at this point. They both love having the other in the same room to sleep. I think they feel more secure at night.
 
 At one point we had a huge house and they could have seperated but didn't want to and now we have only that bedroom downstairs and I KNOW that neither will want to sleep upstairs by themselves anytime soon.
 
  The room is full with a huge bookshelf with books, games and loved toys from both.
   I shared a bed with a younger boy sibling for a time and it worked out great too.

  I believe this will work if your kids are trained to respect each other and purity is frankly taught.

[KJB1611]

My MIL had a fifteen year old girl sharing a room with a five year old boy.  The ten year old boy and the six year old girl had their own rooms (go figure).  It would have worked out ok except my MIL would get mad if the five year old saw any of the fifteen year old's underwear etc.  If he sleeps in the same room, he is going to see her underwear even if it is only when she opens the drawer to get it out.  So if you are picky about that stuff, I'd split the kids up.  It's not fair to make them share and then get angry with them every time the sibling sees something they aren't supposed to see.  Also, she was constantly in trouble for the mess the little guy made as she was told it was her room and up to her to keep it clean, but if she didn't want him in there because she was needing to do something private, she was told it was THEIR room and that she had to let him in.  So, was it their room or her room?  The little boy now is in the room with the bigger boy. 

[rainygladness]

I think it depends partly on the ages of the boys, their temperments, your lifestyle.  If your sons sleep in a converted closet, it sounds like your home has only one bedroom?  That is one tight space!    But it sounds like you have been managing beautifully so far.

I guess if it were me, I would seriously ask my husband to consider moving to a home with more bedrooms.  I know that is a big thought to think of and maybe you are tied to the home you're in for various reasons.  But if it was at all a possibility, I would definately consider it for the near future.  Or maybe you could add on a couple bedrooms to your current home?  I know that is probably totally impractical right now, but it's just a thought.  (Which you've probably already thought of! lol)

That said, I guess I'd veer to the side where it's best to keep boys and girls in their own rooms.  A big family in small quarters provides enough opportunity for familiarity and comradeship that a kid really needs.  Especially if they're sharing a bathroom, too.  Your older sons will appreciate the privacy, I'm sure, as they age. 

[boysmama]

Since we are discussing both sides...
I've experienced the good things about all siblings sharing sleeping space until the teen years as described above. I have negative feelings about the very few years I shared with another teen sister and the few brief times I had a room to myself before adulthood.  My husband found it very hard to acclimate to sharing space after years of being alone.
Can someone tell me the good side of separate rooms?  Why would you or have you chosen to give your kids gender segregated rooms and/or completely private rooms?

[Clementine]

I strongly feel that children of different sexes should have separate sleeping areas if at all possible, even if someone has to sleep on the couch. It is just too easy while one sleeps to maybe be in a "compromising" situation (not sure how to word this), but kids throw off the covers, a nightie might not stay down, and kids might get a glimpse that they should not.  Also, boys tend to have things happen to their bodies during the night, innocently enough, that female siblings should not be aware of.  I guess these things aren't as much of an issue if they are in separate beds, even if in the same room, but I just feel that boys and girls need that privacy. Just my 2 cents! 

[CountyCork]

I think my personal rule of thumb would be - if they are too old to bathe/shower together, then they might be too old to share a bedroom. 
Just our family personally, but we believe in starting out in life with spaces that are distinctly feminine or masculine.  Pink and dolly and girly and feminine in the girls room, guns and animals and darker colors in the boys room.  Not from birth necessarily, but early enough to help form their individual identities.
YET, when you realize that 75% of the world lives in a single room dwelling (usually due to poverty), and the whole family lives and sleeps in the same area, and they are not all turning out incestuous or perverted relationships, then there has to be some neutral ground somewhere, right?
If your "mama-gut" tells you that it's time to separate the boys and the girls, then I'd talk it over with your husband and share your concerns and see where it goes from there.  God will provide for your needs, whether it is a couch, closet, extra room or new house!

[kamom]

[quote author=CountyCork link=topic=20544.msg201335#msg201335 date=1221105003]
I think my personal rule of thumb would be - if they are too old to bathe/shower together, then they might be too old to share a bedroom.  [/i]
[/quote]

   We Dh and I would both disagree with this quote. We very early taught them to keep their bodies covered, to respect each others privacy and didn't let them bath together, yet they share sleeping quarters and we have had no problem with impurity. We have their hearts and they would tell us if anything improper happened.   We've always been very particular about wearing bloomers underneath a nightgown, or pajamas.
 
  As I mentioned earlier, they both change in privacy, the boy sleeps on the top bunk, so they are not even really seeing each other when they sleep. Though we do allow them to talk some, so they can enjoy each others fellowship. They really are best friends and stick up for each other.

  I too, would be very careful with this sleeping arrangment. Make sure you keep close tab to whats going on and go from there. Since this topic came up I have asked DH when he thinks we should seperate them. He thinks when DS is about 10.
   Country Cork, just because you mentioned the feminine/masculine aspect of it. Our boy is all boy. His bow and arrows hang behind the bedroom door and her cradle for her doll sits beside the bed. I made a point to not make the room either gender with colors and decor. Just a very fun playroom where children often end up hanging out when they visit.
 Interestingly enough, neither have ever mentioned that they would want to sleep elsewhere.

[westernskys]

I think my personal rule of thumb would be - if they are too old to bathe/shower together, then they might be too old to share a bedroom.  I so totally agree!!! Very good!           Just our family personally, but we believe in starting out in life with spaces that are distinctly feminine or masculine.  Pink and dolly and girly and feminine in the girls room, guns and animals and darker colors in the boys room.  Not from birth necessarily, but early enough to help form their individual identities. Yes! The feminist move has blurred so many areas - I wanna just keep things totally seperate!YET, when you realize that 75% of the world lives in a single room dwelling (usually due to poverty), and the whole family lives and sleeps in the same area, and they are not all turning out incestuous or perverted relationships, then there has to be some neutral ground somewhere, right?  Umm, I personally know of ppl in the 'poor' world, from one-room homes, that have incest, etc. Its not as 'simple and natural and pure', as it seems, unfortunately.If your "mama-gut" tells you that it's time to separate the boys and the girls, then I'd talk it over with your husband and share your concerns and see where it goes from there.  God will provide for your needs, whether it is a couch, closet, extra room or new house!
[/quote]  Yes! I am currently considering a toddler/crib size mattress on the office floor at night, folding the blanket during the day, and standing the mattress against the wall. We need to be creative with this problem, just like others! 

[Titus2woman]

I don't personally think there is a right and wrong answer here~just what works for you!  We have three boys and one girlie and are expecting another girlie.  We are crazy cosleepers with the babies, so it's time to move our girlie into her own room.  The boys share, and our room will become her room (and then the girls' room), and we will move to a downstairs bedroom. 

Honestly, I am FREAKING OUT at the idea of being separated by a floor! 

I've heard too many yucky stories and will probably keep a baby monitor up there just for my own peace of mind.  I'm sure I'm crazy and overprotective, I just don't want to have an incident on my hands that will grieve me for life, and again, I've read too many!  and my boys/girls won't even be sharing a bedroom...  I'm NOT saying this to state that it CAN'T be done or that it always ends in a bad situation.  I'm just sharing my own, personal fears.  (((((HUGS))))  sandi

[denim&lace]

My father tells me of growing up in a two room cabin.  He had 9 siblings, 4 brothers and 5 sisters, all of which slept in the same room in one bed and on the floor.  They hung a sheet for a curtain to change and bathe behind.  He even says that on bath day his Momma would wash their clothes and the boys that didn't have an extra change of clothes would have to sit around in one of the sisters dresses (because all the girls had two dresses)  till their drawers and trousers got dry enough to wear... 

Funny thing, not one of them grew up to be cr*ss-dressers, r*pists or inc*stuous criminals...  my uncles are/were very masculine men and the aunts were all ladies, hard working mothers/wives...  because they were taught what was right, how to treat people, and their parents were always right there with them.

I'm not in any way saying that we shouldn't be careful and mindful of our childrens sleeping arrangements, just that it is possible that other influences are a bigger challenge to their purity than sleeping next to a brother or sister... especially with watchful parent's involved.   

       

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