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February 04, 2012, 05:46:08 PM
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Author Topic: Commitment to family v/s the church  (Read 1213 times)
Titus2woman
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« on: May 24, 2009, 08:34:05 AM »
I think my darling and I are growing tired of others (specifically in the church) not understanding our choosing family over church functions outside of service.  We are the only ones with a "larger" family (or very young children), and we take discipling our children very seriously.  We aren't perfect~I'm sure we miss a lot!  but we are doing daily devotions together, reading the Bible in the evenings, and also learning together through life issues as they arrive.  Having my darling go off to men's meetings or myself go off to women's meetings more than the once a month we do just feels like too much *to us*.  I think others think we are making our family an idol.  Our opinion is that gaining the world but losing our children would be a great tragedy!  Are we wrong?  Is this something we do need to consider a little more seriously?  and if not, do you have any suggestions on helping to handle it better?  TIA!  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!
andiclare
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Andi C.
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2009, 10:58:54 AM »
So do these church services/events that you miss sometimes, do they always break the family apart...? It sounds like that's what you're saying. The women go to their women's meeting, the men go to their men's meeting and the kids go to the nursery?

If that's the case then no, I don't think you're wrong and I don't think, IMO, you're making an idol of your family. There are many, many faith traditions in Christianity that don't require the family to be split up for church. You say you're still doing it once a month anyhow, so that's good enough as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't give too much weight to what the others are saying or may be thinking re: judging you and your husband. They're wrong and they don't know what they're talking about, period.

Of course it's up to y'all, but maybe you and your husband can look into finding a more family-friendly church? Sounds like that might be a better fit.  Smiley
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"The spirit of the world is restless and eager to do all things; leave that spirit alone." St. Vincent de Paul
Titus2woman
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« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2009, 01:45:33 PM »
*THANK YOU, ANDICLARE!*  It's a small house church and is actually not breaking up the family.  There is a weekly evening prayer meeting (for everyone) we do not attend, but they are also not quite understanding about our not doing adult men's/women's retreats or say, doing another service at a nursing home after church (as a family). 

It's not that we're not always interested, it's just a long day for little children to start at 10:00, have a service, have a meal, and then go directly to another function at 3:00 pm.  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!
RunAmokFarm
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« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2009, 10:59:46 AM »
Hi Sandi,

I think your family sounds just fine!!   Grin

If/when anyone comes to you with questions or concerns, I would just be honest and tell them that, at this time, this is how your husband has chosen to fellowship, and you are thankful that you have such a wise and discerning man to care for your family.

For anyone who doesn't "get it", or is persistant in asking you about the situation more than a couple times, just smile very sweetly and tell them if they feel your husband needs to lead your family differently, then they should go and speak with him directly...  You can even offer to call him over so they can chat.   Wink

Oftentimes folks are more willing to bring their "concerns" to us mommas instead of going to our husbands.  Whether they have thought it out and are purposely intending for it to be, this action is, IMO, underhanded and manipulative -- intentionally going around the proper chain of command.  The reason I say this is because, only once or twice has anyone ever approached my husband after I have referred them on to him.   Wink

Just some thoughts.  Again, I think your family sounds like you are doing just fine!
J 
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Titus2woman
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« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2009, 11:17:00 AM »
*THANK YOU, J!*  Your advice is spot-0n.  I think some frustration is due to this coming from leadership.  I appreciate your encouragement sooo much!  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi
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smalltown mom
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Posts: 49
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2009, 07:52:12 PM »
I could use some prayers if anybody has time. I'm encouraged reading the great advice here. My situation is just a little bit different in that I'm a pastor's wife and often feel pressured to "fill in" when something needs to be done (like right now, there aren't enough teachers signed up for the VBS yet, so I'm starting to feel anxiety about it, like I'm going to be pressured/guilted into signing up). It's really not my husband who has these expectations of me. Maybe I'm just putting pressure on myself, I don't know. Anyway, I've been feeling just completely wiped out/burned out on everything lately. I don't want to go to church, be a mom, or anything. So I'm not sure if I just need a break or if I'm just lazy or unthankful and need an attitude adjustment.

Any prayers would be great!
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snowflake
Learning

Posts: 44
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2009, 01:19:10 PM »
Hi Smalltown mom,

   My dh is  a youth pastor and I sometimes get tired of everything we do as well.  I tend to get stressed easily.  Just thinking about another task to add to all that I am doing, gets my shoulders tense and a headache is soon to follow!
   The thing that is the most difficult for me is that I feel like I HAVE to do  things because we are paid to do it.  I wish we weren't paid to minister.  I just want to have the freedom to choose to do those things, not "this is my job, I HAVE to do it".   Tongue   I don't want to feel like I am performing for church people, I want to serve God.  Undecided  So, I ask for grace ALL the time... to be able to handle what my dh and I think God wants me to do, and say no to the rest.  I know that God has called me to be a wife and mother first, so anything that takes me away from being what the Bible says a wife/mom should be is too much. 
   It also may help to get your children involved with you, if you can.
   I know that it is especially difficult when people want the church to start a new ministry... which means they wan to see YOU starting a new ministry!  Everyone feels the church should do more, but no one wants to do it! Roll Eyes
   As far as attitude goes, I try to smile when things get stressful.  Then,  I have a renewed energy and desire to do those things.  (It amazes me how my attitude changes when I am determined to smile and please God!)  I try to remember that, if nothing else, the situation helps me to depend on the Lord for strength and exercise my will to chose to serve Him with my attitude.
     
 I will pray for you!
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Titus2woman
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« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2009, 07:25:40 AM »
The best advice I ever heard on this actually came from Debi Pearl in an issue of NGJ.  She said that church service for women was like, a fifth or sixth job after being a woman of God, wife, mother, homemaker, teacher, etc., whereas for the men it's a second or third job.  IF you have all the above in order AND still have the energy at night to tantalize your husband, then maybe you are able to also add serving in church. 

I don't know about you, but I have yet for it to be my season since having children....  (((((HUGS))))  sandi
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More people fail from a lack of encouragement than anything else!
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