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Author Topic: having to lead and hold child's hand during school  (Read 1021 times)
terabithea
Learning

Posts: 20
« on: September 24, 2009, 09:59:50 PM »
what do you do with a child who just DOES NOT want to learn???!!!
we had been using charlotte mason method until this year.  my husband wanted me to try the k12 curr with a virtual school.  i must say, i do love it and had to let go of all of my preconcieved notions! 
that said, my 7 yr old daughter just WILL NOT do the work.  she sits there and looks around, gets down to business on one question, but IF I LEAVE HER, i have lost her.  she will act like she cannot do anything unless i am right there.  now granted this is our first year of really structured stuff for her, but i feel like i am being played!  i have tried praising her when she does good and in a timely manner.  i have taken away her free computer time (learning games) when school is over.   she is super bright.  i have wondered if she is just bored but most of this is new stuff for her and she likes it when she does it.  but getting her to SIT and do the work is a chore.  i have even tried it where she just tells me the answer and keep writing to a minimum.  i can't leave her at all to help her older sister or tend to a fussy baby or a 2 yr old boy who needs some training!  (i was on bedrest for 7 months so we are a bit behind on some things...)  Wink  i want it all to run smoothly and i feel like my 3 and 5 yr old daughters are being ignored most of the day.  i should be able to give my two older girls their lessons, teach when i need to, and go switch laundry or play with little ones, right?  RIGHT?  :O  am i expecting too much?

my husband wants school  finished before he gets home, and a clean house and food cooked.   he doesn't want to teach one or two subjects each week.  he expects me to get it all done and if i don't or have some lame excuse, he says it is cuz i haven't trained properly.  our baby is 6 mo old and i feel like things are just now getting more settled since he arrived.  i don't want to make excuses, want to do what he says.  please help!
thanks
jennifer
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~esposita~
Master

Posts: 1035



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« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2009, 06:37:39 AM »
Hi there, Jennifer!

Sounds like you have a full plate - better a full one then an empty one! Grin

I don't have much experience in homeschooling, but I'll share a couple thoughts with the hopes they may give you SOME inspiration!  Roll Eyes

When my DD has had a hard time 'getting to business' (she too is very bright and I got REALLY frustrated with her not being able to focus) I finally realized that, for her, the task was too daunting; it was too big.  I've started giving her smaller chunks at a time.  That coupled with a timer has helped her - she can see how much time she has to do ____.

Now, you said that you have previously used the charlotte mason method; could you couple some of the principles (short lesson periods) with the new material you are using (I don't know what k12 curr with a virtual school is)?  Could you have, say, 15 min. lessons with 5-10 min breaks during which something FUN is done.  Then, those that didn't finish their lesson don't get to participate (be sure they COULD finish, even if it means lowering the bar at first - it is easier to raise it later on than it is to have to lower it after a time of 'torture')

Also, an idea I heard recently was using one of those big exercise balls as a chair.  As long as behavior is proper and work is getting done they are restricted to a table and chair.  Supposedly that helps children focus as their energies are channeled into subtly moving rather than looking everywhere.  Or maybe she could do her work standing up?

Anyway, I hope that helps a bit.  On another topic, I know this can be frustrating in that you  may feel you have a lot of pressure from DH to do 'so much' - don't let that attitude creep in.  I want to encourage you to embrace his leadership in this; it is GREAT that he so readily expresses what he desires to have done in his home.  He sure is entrusting a LOT to you!  Unite your vision with his and I'm sure things will begin to flow better.  Also, have you ever expressed this issue of dd with your DH?  If you can approach him with a need for his guidance rather than a plea to be released to change things from what he wants he may be able to give you some good insight.

Hang in there!
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terabithea
Learning

Posts: 20
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2009, 09:49:31 PM »
oh, your good!  Smiley  i so enjoyed reading your reply! 
yes, maybe i am expecting too much in very long time periods.  i will try breaking it up some.  i do get fixated on wanting to "check" it off my list and maybe i've been pushing too hard.  i am more of the "unschooled" type and my husband... not so much.  haha.  so he wanted me to do this virtual school (half of it is books, half is online) and i must say i am so glad he took over and put his foot down.  he saw were i needed to be accountable to someone or something and needed guidance in a huge way! so now i'm having to eat crow cuz i am really liking what we're doing.  i have even thought of adding saturday to the schedule so we could do less school during the day.  it has taken over our lives and it just shouldn't be that way.

of course you can tell i am married to mr command.  Smiley  and i do love it but the devil has been buzzing in my ear lately that i cannot do all my husband wants and do it well so i appreciate the reminder.  i have a very very wise husband who is thankfully able to see the big picture! 

oh.  just so you know, i have 6 children in a 1400 sq ft home and i JUST deflated the birthing ball cuz i just got sick of it being in the way.  sigh.  i'll blow it back up and deal with it.   Sad  haha.

thanks!
i'll try to get back on here  in a couple of weeks and let ya know how it's going.
jennifer
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JesiRaine
Learning

Posts: 36



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« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2009, 08:03:51 AM »
Terabithea,

By the way, I love your posting name!  I've been experiencing some of the same issues with having a tough time getting children to concentrate when I'm not in the room working with schoolwork along side.  But I do think it's a great blessing that they are each home with me instead of going through this at school!  I also am married to quite the command man.  Some days it's a challenge, but overall I'm thankful that he has the desire to be involved in directing our schooling! 

One of the better things I've tried to do is get a lot of the household stuff out of the way before we sit down to work together.  I remember when I was in college, if I tried to do distracting things like laundry or cooking while I was also trying to complete an assignment, I would get hopelessly distracted.  Everything went much faster if I could concentrate on one thing at a time.  So here, we all have a time where everyone helps with chores for a couple hours -- one child empties trash cans, another picks up toys, another picks up books.  Then we all help with laundry -- everyone takes laundry to the basement, we all stare at the washing machine as it fills and starts running (really, it's fun to watch!).  Then everyone helps to start up the crock pot.  Then we all sit to work on school together.  By that time, we're all ready for a break! 

I've also seen that it helps not to sit for longer than attention can be held.  After that point, nothing can bring it back.  So when I see one of the kids starting to wander in thought, I make them do another chore, or read a book to them, or in the case of one of my sons, he has to do laps up to the back of the property and back.  In the winter he does some type of physical exercise inside.  It helps!

One thing I've also seen HUGE advances in is teaching them in different learning styles.  Each of my kids seems to lean in a different direction with learning styles -- one is very visual, another very auditory...  We've been teaching all of them sign language and combining it with normal school.  When I'm teaching reading, we'll read a word and then sign it.  When we're working in the kitchen, we'll see how many words we can sign together.  This really helps bring in attention and interest, plus it plugs everything into little brains in another way so it "sticks" better! 

Well, I hope any of that helps!  I'll pray for your family -- just remember that it helps to keep everything light!
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Leat
Adept

Posts: 175
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2009, 02:38:42 PM »
I'm not the only one struggling with this??!!

 Just yesterday I was almost in tears with frustration about my kids all wanting my undivided attention at the same time all through school. 

All of the advice given is such a God send! Thank you!!!!

The ball/chair idea would be great for my 5 yr old.

I'm finding if the oldest starts school first thing(which he likes) I can give him the attention he needs. By the time the other two are ready to start, I can go back and forth between them. By then  the oldest is onto his independent subjects. If we can finish by lunch time then we have the afternoon to do chores and activities.  All this while keeping the 3 yr old occupied.

Praise God that His mercies are new every morning!
Leat
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rejoicing
Adept

Posts: 366
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2009, 07:13:12 PM »
Ya know, when I switched my son to a curriculum that required a bit more work from him, it was just like this!!!   Give the both of you more time to get used to this new style of schooling.  Things will get better!  Wink

For my 6th grader, this year I wrote out a copy of his weekly workload in his own little lesson plan book, and he is in charge of moving from subject to subject, and highlighting off the work when its done.  If he doesn't get the work done in a timely manner, he knows there won't be time to play outside or read.  He doesn't ask what to do, he just checks the book!  I think the added responsibility helps to motivate him.  Also, this summer he learned that as soon as he finished his work he gets to move on.  He said he wants to finish high school early and start college when he's still in the house.  Self-motivation works wonders, LOL!  Also, make sure she isn't bored with a lot of fluff.  If she knows what she's doing after problem 12, the work is not going to keep her attention until problem 40!  Cheesy
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mykidsmom
Master

Posts: 1392
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2009, 01:19:42 AM »
Number of thoughts here.

Your DD is 7.  At this age she should be doing no more then handwriting, reading/phonics, and math.  I did not add any subjects to my children until they were in 3rd grade.  Those first few years we focused on the fundamentals.  Their attention spans are to short at that age for hours worth of work.  At 7, your DD should be done with school in one hour.  With my DS (being a typical boy) I broke the lessons into 15 minute segments.  Then I would make him run around the house or take some sort of break for no longer then 10 minutes (too long and they don't want to come back to it).  The last thing is I NEVER make my kids work at the table unless they want to.  I have one that sits on the floor in front of a window pumping the treadle of an antique sewing machine.  We can always tell when she's thinking hard as that thing pumps a million miles an hour.   Cheesy  I have a boy who likes the floor behind the couch (I require him to be in line of sight) and a DD who likes the table.  I don't allow them to work on the couch because I don't believe they have good enough handwriting when they do.  I also don't let them work within 10 ft of each other (to tempting to talk).  But I let them get comfy.  By 3rd or 4th grade my kids can do a whole school day without breaks but I believe it's because I didn't make it so long and hard those first few years.  Perhaps you and your husband could work at finding a common ground for how much work she has to do (not familiar with that curr. so don't know how much is involved).

One last thing - do her eyes need to be checked?  If you're there do you do lots of the reading for her in trying to coax her to work?  If could be if you are that she just can't see well.  Just a thought.

hth

patti
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Homeschool_Newbie
Master

Posts: 867


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« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2009, 05:08:18 PM »
Great advice here! I don't know if this will help the OP or not, but here's my 2 cents:

My 6.5 year old son needs someone to sit next to him most of the time he's doing work...Occasionally I will have his older brother work with him... When I do this, I make sure I am within earshot... but I think it's good for both of them. Wink
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