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[SC lady]

This is a thread to encourage wives and daughters in the art of making your family table a welcoming place, a place that nourishes bodies and hearts. I searched and found that the there are several places in Scripture that refer to the master of the house calling strangers or friends to come and eat. On more than one occasion, Jesus Himself prepared a meal and fed a group.

I believe that there is much significance also in the fact that individuals welcomed to a table are shown favor by the head of that household. Two instances that come immediately to my mind are the marriage supper and when King David had Mephibosheth (Jonathan’s crippled son) sit in a place of honor at his table.

For balance, I think it is important to note that few meals mentioned in the Bible take place at what we today would see as a table with a formal place setting. Some of these were taken on a hillside, beside the sea, or while the partakers reclined. However, it was a time where one in authority (head) was able to favor those in attendance with his provision, and a place where the head was recognized with due honor.

All of this said, as women, we have an opportunity to showcase the provision of our husband/father. The table is a place where we can feature the foods and fixtures that have been lovingly provided. It is a place where a father (if he chooses) can offer his wisdom and where children may be engaged and encouraged to share their hearts. It is a time where we can honor our head by practicing being in attendance as Mary and set aside Martha’s duties until afterwards (not rushing through to get the kitchen cleared).

So, without requiring that another adopt the standards of your household, let’s share hints and helps for ways to accomplish setting the stage for our family to come to the prepared table. How do we create a meaningful time of thanksgiving and honor for our head?

[HappyWifey]

My Dh and I live in a very tiny apartment, and right now our living room/dining area, is completely storage. So we always eat on our bed, not exactly what I would call the table but for now... 

To make it more meal like, I try to use a tray for DH (I usually sit at our desk which is right next to the bed) which also keeps the stains and crumbs on the bed down. I try to set it with a napkin (I always use cloth.) a glass of his favorite drink and have it neatly set out.

Dh always loves it when I do this, it makes him feel special, and that I took the time to make things nice for him instead of just plopping the food down and eating. Unless he gets up on his own to get seconds, I always dish up for him, and try to serve him as best I can.

Can't wait to hear more!

[SC lady]

HappyWifey . . . your post caused me to recall some of the small things I do. We don't really have matching everyday dishes, but one thing I do is make sure that Duke has (by my estimation, he wouldn't care) the nicest and largest plate I have available (no chips  ). I also make sure that he has the nicest utensil . . . He gets the one without bent prongs, lol. I started out preparing the plates because our kitchen is small and it saves on messes, so this allows me to make sure that Duke gets the choice portion. This is even more important as boys turn to teenagers (elbows can help here).

I try to make sure he has everything he needs and anticipate those needs before I sit down . . . And, yes, we've finally reached the season in our lives where all of our children are able to sit at table without me having to do lots of training or spillage control . . . So, yes, I am able to (usually) sit with my dear ones. . .

I will admit that there have been times when I've tried to get ahead of the dishes and have some things squared away while the males dive into their food, but I've learned that this is best done DURING the food preparation and not after serving.

I also like that my boys all see Daddy's plate and know that if they ever want to have the NICEST plate and the BEST fork and the CHOICE portion, they will have to make provision for such in their own home one day. Living in a house of men, I've also learned to adjust my idea of what fine dining entails . . . and they've gradually come to know that it's not a race to see who can finish first (unless the food is especially good, LOL).

I've also learned that it means a LOT to Duke to know that we have enough served at a meal to provide seconds those that want them and to have leftovers. It says something special to Duke to see that there remains enough to put away for later (or give to the dog). I try to make sure to do this, even if it's just a bit of rice.

[~esposita~]

Wow!  What a great thread!  One I look forward to keeping up on.  I can see where I've let supper time be kind of chaotic (with having 4 kids age 4 and under, three of which sit at the table...). 

DH likes to see/know that the kids have helped prepare... even if it is only by setting the table.  I could improve on this by having them do this BEFORE supper is ready, even before Papa is home.

Well behaved children are not just for when guests are visiting; the children are being taught to listen quietly while DH and I talk.  They can participate in the conversation... but without goofing.  This one is taking some work.   

In our home, DH is leaning away from the 'democratic' and towards a kingdom:  this means that it is better if I:  just put salad dressing on the salad and there aren't any choices, pour drinks that are suitable to the meal, etc.  And when we have company, it is good to have name cards showing who sits where.  (that means the table is already set!)  We've found this also makes company more at ease; there isn't the chaotic "Where do i sit?"  "Oh, wherever!  But Abbi sits there, Phin there...."

Things I should remember: 
-  DH likes having a napkin.   (Why o why do I always forget?!? )

-  Empty glasses do no one any good.  Drinks are better poured BEFORE we sit down... not as an after thought when one child says, "Mama, may I have a drink.

-  I need to equip myself properly  () so that I can keep training to a swift minimum! 

-  If at all possible, it is good to have most of the clean up already cleaned up!  This requires planning ahead (and a shorter nap time for mama!!!)

I can see I need a lot of work in this area!  What a great way to purposely honor our kings!  Looking forward to other ideas...

[rainygladness]

I've been thinking about this thread and how I prepare our table.  I have thought of the vs in Psalm 23, "thou preparest a table before me in the presense of mine enemies".  I have experienced this miracle in my life and it is the most humbling and precious thing when God does this.
 
When I think of the table I set for my family, its importance is not in how it's decorated (who's got the time?) although when possible, I will put something lovely on it.  Each husband will be different in what they appreciate.  Mine cares more about the food being tasty and hot than if the table has a candle. 

I didn't grow up with many family meals at the table, so I've had to rely on the Holy spirit to show me how to bless my husband and children in this way.  One thing I have learned is to thank my husband for the meals I am blessed to prepare and let him know what a pleasure it is to prepare them for him. 

I remember a time when I wanted (and expected!) great adulation for the meal I'd just labored to fix us - it is hard work to get a good meal with a few courses set out properly and hot, etc.  But a few years ago, the Lord impressed on my heart not to seek thanks but to give it.  So I began to thank my husband for the meal before us, for it was HIS providing for our family that made it possible!  The first time I did this, I expected to hear "No, thank YOU for preparing it for us!"     haha
But instead, my husband looked like he'd just been cloaked with honor and gave me a smiling and humble "you're welcome".     Now it is my habit to thank my husband and I take great pleasure in doing so.  I still get lots of ooo's and ahhs when the meal is fantastic and delicious, but I don't "need" it like I used to.  God's done a great work in me! 
So while food is still a very important part of the table, I believe that thankfulness is perhaps the most important element of the table -- whether I'm serving a crust of bread or a feast.   

[ForeverGirl]

Awesome post, RG!    I can totally identify with you! Gratitude is SO beautiful.

 My DH also loves a good meal, and enjoys gratitude... especially the kids being grateful for the food. Training them to say thank you and eat with happy satisfaction,  seems to be the most pleasing thing to him. He also doesn't care much for the "look" of things unless we are entertaining company. He does care a lot about the quality of the cooking... the food can be plain, but as long as it is thoughtfully and carefully prepared... then I get a blue ribbon. 

There are certain foods that he is passionate about and it is very important that I do these often and well. For instance:

Gabe LOVES fresh homemade wholewheat bread! For some reason I have had trouble remembering to put the salt in the dough in times past, and then have to make bread all over again WITH the salt in it. 

Yesterday when we sat down to eat hot bread and butter at the table, I remarked that I had ALMOST forgotten the salt again. Joe asked me "how did you remember?" I said,

 "I had been about to shape the loaves and then had a sudden vision of Daddy crying broken heartedly, and stopped in alarm to wonder what was wrong with him... and then realized I had forgotten to put the salt in the bread."

Gabe and the kids all looked at me in amazed awe and then I started laughing and they realized it was just a joke. That was the funniest thing... that they thought I really had had a vision of Gabe weeping over saltless bread...    It sounded like a perfectly reasonable and necessary vision, I guess. We all had a good laugh at Daddy's bread passion and my salt-deficient memory.

Gabe says I need to needlepoint "SALT THY BREAD" and frame it for the kitchen wall. 

Beka

[rainygladness]

That was the funniest thing... that they thought I really had had a vision of Gabe weeping over saltless bread...    It sounded like a perfectly reasonable and necessary vision, I guess.

Laughing out loud at that one!    Those are priceless memories.

[~esposita~]

Gabe says I need to needlepoint "SALT THY BREAD" and frame it for the kitchen wall. 

Wow.  I need three needlepoints:

(1)  Start the Dishwasher
(2)  Start the Drier
(3) After putting the baby in the swing, TURN IT ON!

I, too, liked your post, RG!  DH would rather have simple yummy food eaten with joyful, thankful, cheerful children than a fancy, elaborate table!  I do enjoy continually learning little things to add to our life to please and delight my DH!!!

[ridgerunner]

Gabe says I need to needlepoint "SALT THY BREAD" and frame it for the kitchen wall. 

Wow.  I need three needlepoints:

(1)  Start the Dishwasher
(2)  Start the Drier
(3) After putting the baby in the swing, TURN IT ON!

Mine would say "TURN OFF THE OVEN AFTER BAKING".   

[denim&lace]

Mine would say "TURN OFF THE OVEN AFTER BAKING".   

Haha, mine would too, ridgerunner. 

and  one by the door that says

"Hey chick, you live in a big city.  Lock the door!"

These are the two things I do (or should I say 'don't do') that causes my husband to roll his eyes and grumble.

[rainygladness]

Love those sign ideas...they're funny and useful!

As I was thinking about preparing my table this afternoon, I realized today is friday and I'll be preparing my coffee table tonight! One of the ways I've learned to honor my husband is that every friday I serve dinner in the living room because he loves it.   It was not always like this.  We used to struggle because he knew I preferred to eat dinner "properly" at the dining table and didn't want the kids growing up eating in front of the tv.  I wanted to honor my husband but at the same time, also didn't want our kids to grow up mingling their meals with the tube. So about 4 or 5 years ago I prayed about what to do.  Then I got off my high horse    and just planned his favorite meal (homemade pizzas) once a week to eat in the living room on purpose with a family movie.  He was thrilled and has made it into our family "tradition" and he really looks forward to it every week.  

I remember at one point asking him if he'd like me to plan more meals for eating in the living room and to my huge surprise, he said no.  And now he really enjoys eating at the table the rest of the week.  What's more, the kids seem to openly admire me for this simple act of reverance to their daddy. (I guess my former feelings weren't quite a secret!   )  But now, when they are grown they will remember our family unity, thanksgiviving and the ways we honored their daddy (and hopefully forget all about the shrew who tried to have her own way!!). 

A few weeks ago I was so blessed when I heard my oldest son whistling while setting up the tv trays on a friday night when he smelled the pizzas coming out of the oven.  He was so cheerful and said, "I love fridays!"  I asked was it because of eating in front of the tv, and he said, "No, I just love the routine and setting out trays and how fun it is to eat pizza together on the couch".  Then he went into praises for how good my pizzas were. And while that's always nice to hear, the best part was knowing that tv was NOT the factor I'd feared it would be!  My kids feel secure and happy and there's peace and honor in our home.  Praise God I learned that a proper household is better than always having a proper table.  God's ways are the best ways. 

edited for spelling

[SC lady]

My kids feel secure and happy and there's peace and honor in our home.  Praise God I learned that a proper household is better than always having a proper table.  God's ways are the best ways. 

edited for spelling

rainygladness,

I believe that IS having a proper table . . . Christ didn't likely have a table as we know it with a full place setting when He prepared a meal of fish beside the sea. Too often, we can become encumbered, I think, with items that are not honoring to our husband. I think it is good to have a place of honor that FEELS honoring to the one being honored. . . .

For example, if I set an artful table and required shirts and ties at mealtime, I'd likely be eating alone or with some very displeased persons. 

So, just as the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and showed Him honor that others wouldn't lower themselves to do, I think that gratitude and an humble spirit are both required. . .

  The posts in this thread have been a great blessing to me. I think Thanksgiving this year will likely be less stressful and full of more meaningful items for our family as I've been inspired to search for that which is most pleasing to my dear Duke and our family . . . That's a win, win! 

[uptrapperdansgirl]

I really appreciated your post rainydaygladness.....it inspired me. the others as well.

 I have found that my husband had prefrances that I would have never thought of  on my own. I have this "whatever makes it easier" attitude at meal time..... I was clueless to my DH desires to have a bit more "class" at our dinner table. These desires were coming from a man that rarely washes his hands to eat, and his idea of dressing up is camo and and boots. (wich I love )  I thought it was strange that this man I thought I knew would want these things, but here are some of our treasures that made his day.....  a really pretty butter dish for .75, a class cookie jar that he likes full, serving bowls,  Good sturdy silverwear. Small things indeed, but my Baby loves them and feels "richer".   I also think he would love a pizza on the couch day, my kids too!! thanks again, there is always so much to learn. God is so good!

[FarmWife]

Gabe says I need to needlepoint "SALT THY BREAD" and frame it for the kitchen wall. 

Beka

Isn't it funny how there are certain things that we forget over and over.  We used to buy ice when we lived in Florida.  I would almost always forget the ice.  There were times I even remembered to tell the cashier I wanted it, then I would pay for it and still forget to get it.  Michael told me that I needed to make a shirt for myself that said, "Cashier, please make sure I remember the ice!!"

This has been an interesting thread.  So often we think that we know what our husbands are thinking or want.  I have been married 30 years.  About 2 years ago, I was getting ready to put up the green beans.  I had frozen them our entire marriage because I "KNEW" that he liked frozen better than canned.  I also preferred them frozen.  He made some sort of comment that made me ask him which way he preferred green beans.  He told me canned.       I have no idea where I got the previous idea, but I have been canning them (and enjoying them) ever since. 

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