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[herbs girl]

Mods,  please move this to the proper place, I didnt know where to put it.  I dont even know what to name this thread, so you are welcome to rename it also.

My problem is....I am a terrible housekeeper. My DH wants me to keep a neater and cleaner house.  I just fall back into the same habits again and again.  Is it a sin, or a shame?  I just dont feel a strong conviction, even though I desire a neater cleaner and more organized home.

 There are certain areas of our home that stay clean and neat at least 1/3 of the time. Those areas are the kitchen and bathroom. The rest of the house is a disaster. Some rooms are not bad, others are horrid.  My sons bedroom, you cannot walk in it. I would be ashamed if anyone from my church walked into it. He is 7 years old.   I just cant seem to stay on a "housekeeping schedule" more than a few days, and I fall back into my old ways. I  was doing Flylady.

You see, when I was a girl my bedroom would go through the same cycle that my house is going through. I would clean it up, and then it would get horrible  ( up to ankle deep), then I would clean it up (vow to myself that I would keep it that way) and then it would get ankle deep again. Sometimes it wouldnt get quite ankle deep, but I would be ashamed if my friends wanted to come over and go to my bedroom.

Now, on days that my mother in law brings my son home from school, I have to clean up the kitchen and just hope  that she doesnt stick her head in the Living Room or look to close at anything.  Its  not a fun feeling. Its a shameful embarressing feeling.


So are all of you ladies keep neat organized and clean homes at least 75% of the time? Am I totally  an outcast?

A few years ago, I had my home 90% organized, clean and neat, and then we moved, and we got internet. I feel like I am on the computer way too much.  I think that is a big problem.  When my home is cluttered, ect. I feel depressed, too.

I know how to clean, (used to clean 3 houses in one day when I was a teenager)  and I have somewhat of a knack for organizing.   I just cant get the urgency to  keep my home neat and organized for my family.  When its my turn to have the school teachers  for supper, I clean and make most of the downstairs neat, but I hardly ever do that much just for my family.

[MrsHope]

A few years ago, I had my home 90% organized, clean and neat, and then we moved, and we got internet. I feel like I am on the computer way too much.  I think that is a big problem.  When my home is cluttered, ect. I feel depressed, too.

I know that we are to be keepers at home. There is a chapter in Created to be His Helpmeet about "leaving home" via internet, phone, etc. So it sounds like you know that is your problem. I have had that problem before too. It is simply disciplining yourself and asking for God's help in putting a limit on it (the computer time), and in making a time to pick up/clean.

I find that if I keep the house picked through the day, then it never gets to the point where it becomes too overpowering to tackle.

We have a cleaning lady that comes every two weeks to do a deep clean and the floors (and bathrooms—we have six! ARGH!), but that was my husband's idea, as we have lots of little ones running around and a pregnant mommy. I have a very sweet Dh, but honestly, that one day of cleaning amounts to very little even by the end of that day. I find that I have to discipline myself to clean up a mess as it happens, and pick up, or have my children pick up, when the mess happens. If it is left, it is almost as if we become "used to it" being there and then it seems to stay.

As to what everyone else does, that doesn't really matter. I am sure there are varying degrees and clean and messy across this forum.    What matters is that your Dh (and you) want it to be cleaner, so that seems like a good goal to work toward. I know it is a constant challenge. I will pray for you in this matter!

 
Mrs H

[HappyWifey]

This is something the Lord and my DH have really been working on me lately! Ah! I wish I didn't have just this iPod for Internet so I could write a proper reply! Basically I have come to realize that it is very important to have clean home. I don't mean a perfect home just clean and organized. Not only is it a reflection of myself, but also my husband and God! I will write what the Lord has shown me as soon as I can.

[denim&lace]

herbs girl...  Sin or shame?  Well, that's between you and God, girl.  I can't help you there but I can tell you what has worked for me.

1) declutter.  That means get rid of everything not necessary to every day life.  Learn to throw things away.  Just toss it!  That's one of my many motto's.  I use to keep it all to give to others or sell in garage sales, and then I had more clutter sitting around.  Now I immediately get rid of it or I throw it away.  If I'm not using the sewing stuff I will put it out in the shed/garage.

For my children, if they can't keep their rooms clean (even at 7 years old) we get rid of their stuff until they can.  That put  my daughter down to 3 full outfits, no toys and no books at one time.  As she displayed the ability to keep it clean, we allowed her to re-gain some of  her stuff, one item a month to make sure she could keep it picked up when not in use.  All of the things we removed from her room went into totes and out into the shed. 

2) Assigned computer time.  Now, in order for this to work one has to be willing to live by it, but it does work if you determine to do it.  Set aside a certain time period to be on the computer... be reasonable, time yourself one morning and see how long it takes to check your email, your forums, facebook... the things that are important to you... then add 1/2 an hour for extras (ACK!  I need a recipe for flank steak NOW!) and set yourself a time limit.  You do it for your kids... why not for yourself?  If the computer is a BIG distraction, you could not allow  yourself on it until after you have cleaned for the day.  You may even need to move it to a less accessible place.       

3) cleaning time is FUN TIME!  We always play music and sing and dance through our early morning cleaning time.  It makes it go faster and we are so much happier when it is over.

4) GET OUT!  Once your house is in order, get outside, or at least out of the house.  Get a membership to the zoo or take your kids to the park or just go walk the mall, but get some time out of the house, at least once a week (4-5 times would be OK too!).  It can be depressing even when it's clean to look at the same 4 walls all day every day.  Get out and smile at strangers, hold the door for little old ladies, giggle at the old couple holding hands and looking smitten...  Living real life is soooo invigorating!

I think depression is one of the major contributors to dirty houses and grumpy housewives.  It's very easy to fall into.   It's amazing how easy it is to counter, if you just FELT like doing it!    Exercise, eat well, interact.  Looks real simple until you barely feel the energy to climb out of bed and feed the little ones...  Bottom line, it's necessary.

Prayed for you.   D&L



   
 

[rainygladness]

Sin or shame?  Based on what I've learned of how seriously God expects us to take our helpmeet responsibilities, I would venture to say it just might be sin. Mainly due to your ability to do it and just not doing it. In CTBHHM, neglecting to give due benevolence in bed is counted as sin.   I would not be surprised if not "keeping his house" as he desires is, too.  I got the gist of the problem from the things you said here:

I just don’t feel a strong conviction, even though I desire a neater cleaner and more organized home.
I feel like I am on the computer way too much.  I think that is a big problem. 
I know how to clean.
I just can't get the urgency to keep my home neat and organized for my family. 

You sort of solved your own problem. 
1.   Your husband wants you to keep your house clean.  (Desire/command)
2.   You know how to clean. (Capability/aptitude)
3.   You don’t feel a strong conviction and can’t get the urgency. (Feelings/attitude)

Align your desires to your husband’s desires and pray that the Lord would remove your complacency in this area.

If you were a secretary in an office and your boss said he wanted some letters dictated and notarized would you say you just couldn’t get a strong conviction or urgency about it?  You’d do it because “you have to” or be fired.  I think we should have the same attitude about our jobs at home only mixed with joy –“I get to!”   Our husband’s wish is our command. 

Rather than waiting to delight him, determine that you will.  You know how so you have the ability and you don’t want to wait until it causes problems like asthma, mold, or pests.  So all that is left is putting off your feelings, as you would an old dress that doesn’t fit right.

Since you’re familiar with fly lady, maybe you need a different approach to house work? But whatever you do, I would put this desire of your husband’s HIGH on the list and begin by making a plan.  But start small so you don’t get overwhelmed. A rudder is the smallest part of a ship and yet has only to move a fraction of a turn to have a BIG effect on a ship's direction.  So it is with habits.  He wants the lifestyle of a clean home not a once in a while clean.
If you have too much stuff to keep, I think doing as D&L suggested is a fantastic idea. Whatever you have too much of, start whittling it away until you have only what you can manage. (But I wouldn’t whittle away much of hubby’s stuff – just yours and the kids!)  I’ll pray for you.  You can do it and God will help you! 

[Titus2woman]

OH D&L~that last part~just OH!  and I think it could be sin or it could be shame.  Since your dh is requiring this, then not doing it is probably sin.  If your dh did not require it or care too much, it could be shame~like me!  No practical advice from me on how to conquer~we'll get there together!  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi

[herbs girl]

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies for taking the time to give me some advice. God Bless

 I have started small steps ( routines) and I am a big believer in tossing things/ giving things away. Even though I do quite a bit of tossing already........ I think my house is small enough,  I need to get rid of even more stuff. 

I will try to take this slowly...and yet make progress too along the way.

I will also try to update this as I go along.

Thanks so much again!   Keeping house seems like it isnt in the category of  something "bad" but yet it   is... taking over my life,  slowly and surely, by not doing what my husband desires, and what will keep my family and I happy and functioning. 

It is a big set back not to be organized.

Denim and Lace I really liked your tips...and I will re-read your post many times, Im sure. Assinged computer time is something my DH and I have already put in place, but sometimes it gets messed up. Right now is one of the messed up times, so I will get back on that today.

Simplicity is a wonderful concept in house organization. 
 I really like your idea to get rid of almost everything in my sons room. What a great idea. As he  is able to  keep it clean, then give some stuff back.   

Getting out of the house is another thing that I dont do alot of,  another good idea!

[herbs girl]

RainyGladness
Quote...
I would put this desire of your husband’s HIGH on the list and begin by making a plan

I will try to make this top priority right now. Thank you so much for your advice!

[herbs girl]

I know that we are to be keepers at home. There is a chapter in Created to be His Helpmeet about "leaving home" via internet, phone, etc. So it sounds like you know that is your problem. I have had that problem before too. It is simply disciplining yourself and asking for God's help in putting a limit on it (the computer time), and in making a time to pick up/clean.

Mrs H

Thanks Mrs H for your prayers...., I know "leaving the home via internet" plays a key role in why my house looks the way it does!

[herbs girl]

OH D&L~that last part~just OH!  and I think it could be sin or it could be shame.  Since your dh is requiring this, then not doing it is probably sin.  If your dh did not require it or care too much, it could be shame~like me!  No practical advice from me on how to conquer~we'll get there together!  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi

Thank you sandi!  My DH doesnt complain alot, just once in a while he will make remarks, and statements. Just recently he told me something like,  "Keeping a  Neat,  Clean home is important to me...I  really like it when you do..."

[HappyWifey]

Sounds like your on the right road... But it takes a lot of time to change bad habits into good habits! I have learned that the hard way, I still have a LONG ways to go too!  I wish I could just instantly change from a messy housekeeper to a neat and clean one!

What I have learned since marrying my DH is that , he deserves to come home to a clean tidy home, not just because he likes having a clean house, but because it is restful for him after a long day of hard work. I manage to stay busy all day but I often spend too much time online or doing things that can wait to be done. Sometimes I feel so frustrated, like on the days my DH stays home, I spend ALL day cleaning up mess after mess all day long and never get anything else done. But it is worth it to me to do that, because the happiness I see on his face when he sees me cleaning, and the house clean, is worth it all.

Also, the state my home is in, reflects my character, my DH's character, and what God means to us. God is not the author of confusion (is there anything more confusing then a messy house?) and He wants things to be done neatly and orderly. So when folks come to my house and they see it messy, their first thought, is that I am a lazy wife, I must spend too much time, outside of my home even though I bodily may be at home. They also wonder if my DH is the same way.... And surprisingly enough, nonchristians expect Christians homes to be clean neat and orderly.

It is something that has shamed me many times, to have someone pop in unesxpectly and I am spending the whole time apologizing for my messy house. Which it's not like I have a whole lot to clean, we have a small apartment, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and a living room that is just storage and animal control, (we keep quail in our living room this winter in two large rabbit cages because my DH's experimental winter hut didn't keep them warm enough) and we don't have any children .  So I have nothing to blame but myself and my own laziness, and I do admit it, I am lazy, and long to be not so. The internet has a huge draw on me also. 

Maybe we can work on this together, today is the first day of my period so I won't be doing much today, but tomorrow I have to catch up on cleaning the things I have neglected while staying here at my cousins (like cleaning the fish tank) and then on Thursday when they come home, I have a house that has been neglected for nearly 3 weeks to clean.

[herbs girl]

HappyWifey  Thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice! Sounds like you have been there!   It was nice of you to help me out!

What you said is all too true..... "But it takes a lot of time to change bad habits into good habits! I have learned that the hard way, I still have a LONG ways to go too!   I wish I could just instantly change from a messy housekeeper to a neat and clean one!"     

So  true, but yet if we just keep on "keeping on"  God will help us to change! 

I, too, think that when poeple stop in they must think Im lazy or something. But the truth is, I am lazy.




I have found it works best for me with 4 children to do my cleaning a little each day instead of once a week or once a month, ect.  So my floor is supposed to be mopped everyday and a swish n' swipe in the bathroom daily, along with laundry, and some de-cluttering done is my goal.  After that I usually sew, or do other projects.

Today went pretty well for me. My Living Room got picked up, swept, the couch got pulled out.  My kitchen  and entry floors got swept and kitchen mopped. Me and DH bedroom got about 20 min or so worked on it.  My kitchen counters, windowsill and table got cleared off.  I took  2 bags of trash I cleared out of my bedroom and the Living Room and 1 bag to give away! Yay! Always makes me feel better to get stuff in trash bags!

My DH changed the password on the computer, so most of the  afternoon it was just me, the kids, and my house! What a difference! My daughter and son helped me fold clothes, we spent time together, talking ect, instead of me being on the computer

Flylady did teach me one important thing...Timers!  I use Timers alot!  I can do anything for 15 minutes! Sometimes my day is around the timer.  3  15 minute segments and then a rest,  3  15 minute segments and then a rest.  Sometimes I do 1   15 minutes in a room, and then 15 minutes in another room. I am amazed at how much I can get done in the 15 minutes!

[Momofone]

Hey, HerbsGirl - that 15 min thing is a great idea!!  Something I use is a LIST!  For me, having it written down makes it seem more "important" somehow, and it helps keep me on track.  Oh, I can get derailed pretty easily sometimes, though - Hubby has a cow down, calf is sick, something needed from town.....  But, when I get back in - there's that list, staring at me.  I try to not put too much on it for the day - like, three things at most.  Keep it simple and do-able, and if I get those things done before the day is out I can always add more later.

One of the other things that derails me is not keeping my daughter in line with her cleaning.  And usually, if she is sliding, it's because I'm slacking in my parental duties (and I only have one!!  I couldn't imagine if I had several!!) eeek!.  I find that the more organized and prepared I am, the better I do with all things.  Not that it always works that way, however.  I always say that when I grow up, I'm going to be organized!!!  Sometimes I wonder when that will be?!?!?!!

[HappyWifey]

Yay! Sounds like you got a lot done! I started feeling better about 1 half hour before du got home and managed to heat up dinner, wash the dishes, clean up the fireplace, and sweep the upstairs. After dinner I scrubbed the jacuzzi, and the bathroom, and organized the bedroom. Today I need to scrub the shower, and clean the fish tank, and deep clean the kitchen. Tomorrow I have to wash sheets, vacume and make a meal for my cousin, then go home and get as much cleaning done as I can before bedtime!

[GarlicMomma]

I have been thinking of this question a bit the past few days. As for a dirty house being a sin - I am not entirely sure. The following verses kept coming to my mind.  Would keeping a clean house be doing good? Plus, the different places in Scripture talks about being clean (I know that this is almost always spiritual directed) and being washed - like in the book of Leviticus.

 1Th 4:11       And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;
1Th 4:12       That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and [that] ye may have lack of nothing.

Jam 4:17       Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth [it] not, to him it is sin.

To me, it is good to keep a clean house. My husband likes it; I like it; my children seem to care more about keeping things up; and even friends of my children are more careful.

I know for me personally, my disorganization fuels more problems for my house and for my family.  I do go through periods of being behind, dirtiness, and clutter.  Then I don't function well, my children don't seem to care about keeping up with their chores, and more things than usual gets dumped.

I love the idea of 15 minute timer.  I can do that too.  Instead of thinking I have 20 million things to do, I can think - with the 15 minute idea - this junk drawer needs a cleaning and oh wow, I can organize the shoes, and still have time to spare.  That is a bit invigorating.

Now, if I can just stop chasing all those different bunny trails in my life and focus on getting a few things done right away in the morning, then I will be able to keep on top of things.  When someone has gotten it all together and completely solved without fail, then please come over to my house! haha   

[yoroshiku]

Herbs...you have gotten some really wonderful advice here.  I think that I have one more suggestion that I think could provide a little extra motivation.........COMPANY!

I am not an organized gal by nature.  My husband is a wonderful Command Man, however, and he insists on order.  He has a flawless plan for housekeeping.  My four kids and I execute the plan...and he does daily inspections!  It works for us.    But...the one trick that I have found that keeps me on my toes with cleaning is the knowledge that I am having company over.  As of right now, we have 4 days out of 7 where we have scheduled people that come to our house.  #1...I teach piano lessons out of our home, #2...we have a small group that meets in our home, #3...we have a choir that practices in our home.  I just know that on those days the house HAS to look exceptional...and so I have MUCH more motivation to have it looking and smelling great!

As for you...you mentioned that your MIL comes over once a week and that you hope that she doesn't wander into the living room or elsewhere.  I say...INVITE her to come in for lunch or for tea.  That way you have a strong motivation to get the place tidy and fresh.  Then...schedule to have  a friend come over for tea a couple of days after that...and make the place visitor ready. 

If that doesn't work, I understand.  But I wanted to offer that tip just because that's the best way that I've found to motivate myself.

I'm in your corner, Herbs........praying for you and cheering you on!  A clean house is a happy place to live!!  ((and a nice place to visit))

Stef

[JesiRaine]

Stef,

Those are great motivations!  I'm always much more motivated when company is coming over.  I've also found my greatest motivation in cleaning is how much more restful a clean house is than a dirty one.  Many days I end up with a lot of dirty dishes by the time I'm ready to get to bed.  I try to remind myself how much better the next day will start if I just do the dishes in the sink before I sleep.  It's amazing how much more rested I feel the next day if I start with a clean kitchen!  That one step seems to pour into the rest of the day and more gets done!  But once I let the dishes go overnight, it's a slippery slope...  Hope that helps at all!

As for the question of sin or shame -- I think a dirty house in itself is not a sin at all.  We are to guide the house (1 Tim 5:14), be in subjection to our own husbands (1 Peter 3:5), keepers at home, good and obedient to our own husbands (Titus 2:5).  But no where does this tell us we need to have a neat home -- unless it is asked of us by our own husband.  I'm pretty grateful that I only have to follow my husband -- there are so many different personalities out there, I could never please them all! 

But I know what my husband wants in the home.  I've heard of some husbands who want a good hot meal ready when they come home more than anything else. Others want the living room to be picked up -- some guys just want the kids to be calm.  Some families decide the best is to live using paper plates and napkins so they don't need to worry about cleaning dishes, others want to live very inexpensively and use only cloth napkins to keep down costs.  So really, it's just a decision between you and your husband.  Hope that helps as well!

Jesi

[herbs girl]

Momofone- A list is a good idea, and I do use them! It is true what you said, if Im not my children are not doing their chores, then I am usually slacking in  mine!

HappyWifey- Keep up the hard work!

GarlicMomma- Thanks for  the advice!

Stef     - having company is an a brilliant idea. Even now, it seems to be helping. Let me explain. My son started a private school (in our church) in August 2009. If you are parents of students in this school, one of the requirements is that you take turns having the teachers for supper with all the other parents. Our "turn" comes around every 5 weeks. The first time (in September) I had the teachers, it took me alot of work to get everything looking clean enough and de-cluttered enough for them to come.  We just had them for the 3rd time now and It has seemed easier  and less dirty this time.  My house gets a cleaning up every 5 weeks, and things dont get so bad. I even washed my Living Room windows!  So I think that idea is very good.  We could definatly have others over more--family and church family for sure!


Josi- I agree it is all what the husband wants for his home.   Things do run better with it clean and organized! 

[cjanderin]

 I have the same problem - I am messy, disorganised and I am often ashamed of my house.  I've noticed though that the more children I've had the better I've gotten  - it's more work but I have HAD to become more organised and I'm learning new tricks.

Just to reiterate what others have said ...

INVITE PEOPLE OVER.  I always clean much better if I have the motivation.  I will sometimes ring a friend and ask them to pop over in an hour or two so that I actually get some stuff done.

GO OUT.  If you are at home all day, then housework can wait.  At least that is what your brain will tell you!  If you are planning on being somewhere by 9.30am and you are determined to get the house tidy before you leave then you have a time limit again ... you don't have all day so you don't take all day!

PICK UP THINGS OFF THE FLOOR.  This is obvious to people who are "cleanies" but "messies" have various reasons why they don't do it.  My brain usually does the following when it sees a piece of rubbish or a set of keys or an odd shoe or something else out of place ... "Oh look, some fluff on the floor.  I need to clean that.  The whole place needs vacuuming.  I don't have time to vacuum right now - I need to get the nappy for the baby and change it ... I'll vacuum the fluff up when I have time to vacuum."  When actually AS I walked past the fluff I could have bent down, picked it up and put it in the bin as I walked past it.  I am still trying to train myself out of the messy way of thinking.

READ "The Messies Manual: The Procrastinators Guide to Housekeeping"
by Sandra Felton

[rainygladness]

 
Most of the time I tackle areas with deliberate intention and my kids help with the work load.  But when it's up to me and I really don't feel like cleaning something up (usually my kitchen) because I feel too tired, busy, etc, I play a little trick on myself.  I tell myself that I'll JUST do one or two little things (like rinse & stack the plates in the sink) and that's ALL and get to the rest later.  Then that one little thing only takes a minute and I think to myself that I could just do one other thing while I'm in there --that would take just a few seconds. Next thing I know, one things leads to another and I've inched my way into cleaning the whole area.  And everytime I'm always surprised that I'm done so quickly. It's like I snuck up on myself or something. So much of what we do is a mental battle more than anything else.   I don't know why that trick always works for me, but it does -- so I thought I'd share.   

[yoroshiku]

rainy..  *thank you* for understanding how my mind works too!!  i play lots of mental games with myself, and they *really* help me!  like the timer thing that has been mentioned.  my hubby just thinks my mind games are silly...but i'm glad to see that other people use them too!!
stef

[GarlicMomma]

Yes! The mind game! I like to play the game until it becomes a habit. And quite often I think of having the house ready for people to come over.

Another incentive for me is to not wear shoes in the house. This does two things for me: 1) my feet tend to pick up every piece of dirt or something would get stuck in them - so keeps my floor cleaner/want to sweep;  2) it reduces the dirt traffic from outside into my home.

[ladyhen]

Here is another way to train yourself to keep a clean and organized house.

Our house is currently listed for sale, so we have had to minimize how much of our stuff is in the house.  A lot of things are in storage and I am finding that I can really do without them.  It is easier to clean without so much stuff, too.   People looking at a house with purchasing in mind will NOT want to see dirt, clutter, or crowded rooms.  At first, it was hard for me to get used to keeping our home in this tidy of a state, but we've gotten used to it and I don't know that I would go back to my former ways. 

Many realtors have DVDs or booklets about how to prepare to show your home.  It is very helpful information about maintaining a neat home. 

[Titus2woman]

http://ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com/2009/12/bible-time-love-covers-it-all.html

I love this blog and the encouragement I get when I visit!  I thought of this thread after I read the above entry.  (((((HUGS)))))  sandi

[steadygirl]

I also need a lot of work in this area and I have been getting better at it! (Except for the last month- expecting #3- fatigue, nausea, need I say more? ) I was reading somewhere about a lady who had a VERY messy house and she started out by cleaning out her medicine cabinet and deciding that she was going to make sure that medicine cabinet stayed clean! She eventually moved on to the bathroom and slowly moved out from there.  Sometimes we need to learn to tackle small things before we can move on to bigger things. Especially, those of us who weren't taught good habits as children

A few things that I have done to improve my habits ( and they still need so much improvement!)
~ Make a list of thing that are always done on a certain day. I clean certain rooms/do laundry  on certain days. www.avirtuouswoman.com used to have some wonderful lists on how to clean and how often to clean certain things and rooms, not sure if they are still there or not)

~Teach your children to help along side of you. Have them make their beds when you do and tidy their rooms. My 3 yr old is good at reminding me to do things! "Mommy can I help wash dishes?"  My favorite is "MOmmy, what can I do for you?" That always motivates me to get moving!

~ When the toys take over  the house DECLARE WAR! If they are a little older give them a box and tell them that they can only keep as many as will fit in the box.  If you don't want to get rid of them all rotate boxes, but make sure the other toys that were out are boxed and put away before getting out the new box. Wonderful motivator to get the kids to pick them all up!

~Pick a certain times a day to do "house sweeps".  Before naps, tv time, school, snacks, bedtime, whenever works best for you.

~ If  I am going through a room and see something  that belongs somewhere in the direction I am going I pick it up and bring it along. It really does help!

I like reading through everyone's tips.  It gives me some hope. 

[GarlicMomma]

I confess that after all this holiday baking, even after trying to pick up, I am leaving dirty dishes in the sink and on the counter. I won't even get to them until tomorrow night due to the busyness. !!!

[In Christ]

I really enjoyed reading over these posts (quickly) and I do have a couple of questions and what dd and I are planning to do....

Questions:

I am NOT organized, I don't know how to organize (without obsessing) or keep things neat.  I've always been about "cleaning"  as far as dirt, vacuuming, bathrooms, laundry, etc....but dishes?  not so much.
But as my ds (12 as of Dec 25) and dd (20 on Wed) got older and I got a computer and we started homeschooling (TONS of papers and books), and I got involved in church more, then the homeschool group more, etc....the clutter just became overwhelming, PLUS, before I tried to keep everything just so perfect and dh complained CONSTANTLY about everything and criticized and was/is relentless on negative, rude and hateful remarks, I reached a point where I just gave up...plus he never seems to want company over and that's hard for the three of us because we are so outgoing and don't like living like hermits in a cave shutting the world out    Anyway, it just seems to have gotten worse and worse from about 10 years ago till now, much more stuff and dd has more stuff to that she hopes to take to her home one day, and I have things I want to have for my grandchildren (IF dh will ever let my kids bring them over and IF my children will ever want to come back into this house once they more 

Anyway, so I mentally keep mentioning the company thing, but who am I kidding, dh doesn't want anyone here, though once in a blue moon he mentions having one of HIS friends over...so I'm thinking about just setting a date to have some of his friends over, LOL!   so, maybe he's just ashamed to have people over, but he's always been like that so who knows 

Well, revelation last week....dh made another one of his hateful, snide, rude comments about backing the truck up to the garage and loading it all up and taking it to the dump....he's never done it, so hopefully he won't before I can implement "The Plan"   

I called a guy I used to rent a storage place from and it's only $25 a month to rent the smaller unit (though I'd like to get the next size up as soon as possible).  Well, when the company dh works for closed after 32 years of him being there, about 2 weeks later I was called up and a job fell in my lap where I can TAKE ds and he can do school there.....I prayed and prayed and dh was all for it, so I can now afford the unit. 

So, we are going to take nearly ALL of dd's stuff, boxes of books, and then our Christmas stuff, and my "grandchildren" stuff and just keeping taking stuff there until our house is "show ready" so that will kill two birds with one stone.  Dh won't be as stressed and have to threaten to throw OUR stuff away  AND  if he gets a job that requires us to more we'll be already on the path to making our house ready to "show."

I hope to get some real sturdy shelves in the larger size (depending on price of unit) and basically set it up like a big walk in shop for us to go to whenever we want to get stuff....Dh HATES boooks and hates anything that belongs to ME even more, so he'll be more at peace (yes, I'm enabling him to continue to bully and abuse and all, but what more can I do, he'll have less to complain about for a little while.)

Eventually, I hope to move most anything of mine and the kids out of the house and to our "personal" shopping closet and when dd gets married and has a home, she'll take her stuff to her home. 

The unit is less than a mile from my house too. 

BUT, back to cleaning and organizing, I still don't know HOW and I've read many books and I just not sure what to do or how to do it....but working in an office is helping because we have a system and filing and so that's what I did today, organized files....MOST of which I plan to move to storage, and the best part is, nothing we have is of any monetary value, so won't have to worry about anyone "stealing" anything   

So, THOUGHTS? 

I'm moving from two days a week to three days a week at work (all day) which is great because ds gets his schoolwork done SO much better there, no distractions, no TV, not computer, etc....having Daddy home for 6 months has NOT helped us because there is NO routine, he's probably worried a little, but he doesn't sleep or stay awake on any schedule....at first he was good, got some much needed work done around the house, new carpet laid in the bedrooms...big job for him and for a while he slept better without the pressures of work...but he's worked since he was NINE years old...so this is hard on him, but I'm not buying that as an excuse for his horrible behavior, that's been the same for 15 years 

So, I've tried FLYlady several times, I stink at it....I can keep laundry done and vacuum okay but I just get overwhelmed with the rest....I've not been on the computer though like I used to, I think that's either an answer to prayer or having to be on one at work OR that dh is on this one a LOT LOT LOT compared to before....but the spiteful part of me loves it because he's always complained about me/us being on one AT ALL...so it's interesting to see him waste an hour or two on it....I need prayer....sorry.....

Conclusion:

I don't know how to clean or organize

I'm renting a storage unit for mine and the kids belongings so dh will stop threatening me all the time about that.

I need prayer

[rainygladness]

I'm not a big fan of storage units because I like to live "light".  But I think it is a good solution for you for the things that are "waiting" to go with your children when they move out.

As for organizing, it's a math equation: more stuff + than space to put it = clutter. Every cluttered home I've ever organized had a glaring lack of containers. In other words, everything you own ought to have a place to 'live'.  A box, a plastic bin, a shelf in the closet, an armoire, etc. Then it's only a matter of putting things back in their place to keep clutter at bay. Which is just a matter of forming the habit. 

As for cleaning, task cleaning works best for me. Doing all my cleaning in one day, takes WAY too long (the whole day!) and leaves me exhausted. 
And cleaning certain rooms on certain days wastes too much time by running back and forth to switch cleaning solutions and equipment.
For example on kitchen cleaning day, you dust and put the duster away. You scrub the appliances and put the appliance cleaner away. You wipe your counters and table and put that cleaning solution away, then get out different cleaning products to scrub & shine your sink.  You sweep your floors and put the broom & dust pan away and then get out the mop & the cleaner for that.  It’s a LOT of getting things out, putting them away, and running around, kwim?

Task cleaning solves that problem. Instead of cleaning room-by-room, clean job-by-job:

Broken down into basic cleaning tasks you can get much more accomplished in less time and with greater efficiency.
You can divide tasks up into separate days, or do a few of them on the same day. I've done it both ways. You decide what kinds of things you want to clean, but the basic jobs are :

- Clean all toilets
- Clean all showers and tubs
- Sweeping and mopping all hard floors
- Vacuuming all rugs and carpets
- Dusting everything
- Cleaning all sinks
- Doing all laundry


Daily cleaning habits, if kept up, are quick and simple:

- Put things away when you are done with them, and remind your children to do the same
- Tidy up the house in the late morning, again in the evening before your husband comes home from work (if he comes home during the evening) and before bed.
- Change the kitchen trash each evening after supper
- Keep the floors swept, and do a quick vacuuming whenever needed
- Do a quick wiping of the counter, sink, and toilet each morning before you leave the bathroom

It's a good idea to have a plan for when you need the house cleaned FAST (like for the company you'd like to have over). Those times, just do an emergency quick clean.

An example:
Before You Start - Get the laundry going, and reload it as needed.
1. Go into your kitchen, and wash your dishes. If you have a dishwasher, then use it.
2. Go to every sink in your house, and spray them all down with a solution of half vinegar and half water), and give them a quick wipe down with a rag.
3. Depending on the amount of mess in your house, this step may be the longest one for you... Go through every room in your house, and throw away any trash (and take the trash out, if needed), and put away things that have wandered away from their homes.
4. Grab a feather duster, and go from room to room, dusting top to bottom. Focus mostly on fan blades, shelves, and the tops of TVs and computers.
5. The hard part is over. Grab a rag and a spray cleaner (vinegar and water), and wipe down your kitchen/dining room table(s), kitchen counters, and bathroom counters. This is also a good time to clean your TV and computer screens, and bathroom mirrors.
6. Toilet time. Squirt/spray in vinegar, bleach, or Soft Scrub, and clean the toilets. Don't forget to clean the flush handle; on, under and around the seats, on the toilet the bases, etc.
7. Almost done! Grab your broom, and do a quick sweep of your kitchen and bathrooms. This is a quick sweep - this means that you just sweep the middles of the floors. Don't worry about moving chairs, etc, just sweep around them.
8. Time to spot mop. Turn on the hot water in your kitchen sink, get your mop wet, and then look at the floor for messy spots, and just mop the visibly dirty spots. Now do this in your bathrooms as well.
9. Quick Vacuum time... Vacuum your living room and dining room. Focus on the middles. Don't worry about the edges, or under furniture, etc. You can do a serious vacuuming later, when you get back into a regular cleaning routine.
Voila! Clean and fresh house ready for company. 

[In Christ]

Thank you so much rainygladness....I was so excited about your post....first of all, I like your idea of task cleaning, that makes SO much more sense to me...so I'm excited about that already.

And for some reason, the mention of clutter and not enough 'containers' was a huge help.  I keep getting rid of stuff and I don't think we have a LOT of stuff, but I think it's that it doesn't have a GOOD home, esp. in DH's room.  I actually found this true when I was trying to file yesterday too....if I had/made a file specifically for X it's faster and easier to put it away. THANK YOU!

I appreciate the help so much and I'm SO sorry for sounding so terrrible and nasty about dh...I had two VERY bad days with/of him  I guess....I was just snapping Saturday....I mean losing it.  But that's another post somewhere else maybe?  So, anyway, I'm so sorry to be so bad...

I can't wait to "re-plan" with the task cleaning in mind because before I'd be thinking, I made mop water JUST for ONE room    or get that big vacuum out just for one room, etc....so I don't know why, but I needed permission to do something different from all the "plans"  I've been given before, LOL.

I just feel so much relief, someone must have prayed too (I did pray for myself, heard somewhere it was okay to do that 

GOD bless all of you and thank you for taking time to help others.

Much appreciation
In CHRIST

[rainygladness]

I'm glad you're feeling better, inChrist!  I prayed for you when I swept and mopped my kitchen and bathrooms today.   

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