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[andiclare]

I think of this place as a goldmine for wisdom and advice that we can't get anywhere else. So, to the experienced married men and women: I'm wondering what was the best marriage/relationship advice you've ever received, either before or during your marriage? Things that you would tell your children or any newlyweds, or that you'd go back and tell your "younger self" if you could.

[GarlicMomma]

This was not the only piece of marital advice I got, but it was the first I remember after marrying. It has stuck with me.

One of my husband's aunts told me this advice. She said she got it from her mother. Her mother has a long marriage; and this aunt has been married since she was 16 (she is around 60 ish now).

She said it is her goal and should be the goal of every wife to spoil her husband so much that no one else would be able to put or keep up with his needs and wants better than her.

[rainygladness]

I've been married to the same wonderful man for almost 15 years and our marriage is so precious to me.  As we walked through trials and hardships together, my appreciation of this amazing man God gave me has steadily deepened. I thank God every day for him. We never got any personal advice, (but the materials from NGJ have been wonderful) only hard won experience. 
What has worked for me...

Rather than looking at each other, cast your gaze in the direction your husband is looking and look there with him.  His "vision" will become yours and you'll be much better able to help him accomplish his goals.

Retain and enhance the essense of the you that your husband was first smitten with.

Develop a short term memory when it comes to his faults and your hurt feelings. 

Don't box him into what you think he is, where you think he's going, or what you think he's likely to do.  He'll change as marriage and children mature him (so will you) and the direction he takes could astound you.    Support him no matter what.

Love him.  Often.  

[AndysJess]

There are so many more bits of wisdom I've gleaned over the years, but this one has really stuck with me.

ALWAYS be your husband's biggest fan!

[RunAmokFarm]

Oooh!  Good advice above!!

I think the most life-changing thing anyone has ever said to me came from a dear sister in Christ.  She said simply, "Honey, I love you... but shut your mouth."        She went on to tell me that, as my sister, she might understand my hurt feelings (even silently feel a bit of sympathy), however, she loved us enough that she would NEVER help me tear down my husband.  Wow.

I also like to remind myself that there are plenty of younger, prettier little gals out there that the enemy could use to try and catch my handsome husband's eye...  If I am consistantly a nag (or old "hag") at home, what little cashier might he meet/see at the convenience store or the coffee stand?  They will always put on a huge, gleaming smile, and toss their pretty hair...  In comparison, do I flirt with him at home - giving him my best smile... or does he get a scowl and a frown when he walks in the door?  Sometimes I forget, and he gets the scowl.       Not wise... not wise...
J   

[titus2wam]

You have been given some wonderful words of wisdom. I think the thing that has been a constant in my 20 odd years of marriage is learning the meaning of the scripture

Pro 14:1  Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

When i sought to know the meaning of this and the way God helped me to understand and apply it, made all the difference in our marraige. It is the advice you have been given and knowing your husbands ways (which takes time) walking in the path he lays before you, letting him know you trust him and desire him and seek to please him.

I think the biggest complement My husband gives me is when he says, "you are so comfortable, like being home"
that lets me know he feels safe, loved and cared for. That is what i aim for.

The Lord bless you in your  desire to be the perfect helpmeet to you rman.

Love
Jeri

[ladyhen]

I was saved several years before my darling man was.  Life then was pretty difficult and unpredictable and I tend to have a strong desire for stability and safety.   
I prayed, in my Christian innocence, for change in my husband and boldly told God what changes were needed.

The best marriage advice I ever received was from God.  One day during my prayers The LORD  firmly told me to "Get out of the way and let ME work on him." 

[denim&lace]

Ya know how sometimes you feel so hurt?  So sad?  So depressed?  So angry? 

Your husband has those feelings too.

[HappyWifey]

The best advice I was given (besiddes CTBHHM) was "You can't change him, don't even try. Change yourself."

[smfmommy]

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Told to me by an older Christian friend as we were about to leave for our honeymoon.  I think it was specifically meant for the wedding night but it has held strong for 17 years.


 

[ForeverGirl]

Great thread!

The best advice I ever got was from my husband, lol!  (It totally relates to my relationship with God too... study Him!)

"Know your man. Study him. Figure him out. When he speaks, try to understand what he means... his perspective, his motives, his intention. He may not tell you everything, but if you make it your life pursuit to know him, you will worry less, and find it much easier to follow."


-Beka

[uptrapperdansgirl]

Smile, flirt, smile some more......I can be having real long day, but I make a point to smile at  my baby every time he walks in the door. Its easy for me now as I have been set free of bitterness and I have joy unspeakable. Yes I have days that are sometimes long and I get weary from time to time, but I have no reason to stay in a place of defeat! A smile helps us all. If I am frustrated with the kids and I just smile at them it opens there heart to recieve whatever lesson I need them to learn. When my husband has had a long day or is frustrated I smile at him and it melts his heart. I can see his whole body relax at times. Smile its contagious! also my mom has told me forever "you can not change him, only God can" she was right.....

[Titus2woman]

All nuggets from Shelley Hendry of His Image Ministries:

Our own sin is a full-time job~why spend time looking at your husband's sin?

Your husband cannot meet your needs; God can.

Men do like order, but they especially like cheerful wives.

Burn your ladies’ magazines and your romance novels and your TVs. The expectations of these are out of the pit of hell. Remember instead images of purity, service, sacrifice, trust, and Christ.

(((((HUGS)))))  sandi

[ridgerunner]

Burn your ladies’ magazines and your romance novels and your TVs. The expectations of these are out of the pit of hell. Remember instead images of purity, service, sacrifice, trust, and Christ.

Ditto this one!!! 

[In Christ]

"Keep your eyes WIDE open BEFORE you wed and half closed there after.

[BJ_BOBBI_JO]

Some of the best marriage advice I got was this:
"GET OVER IT!"

Yeah I know, it sounds harsh but sometimes it is really good advice. I have known of couples to fight over really silly things when they should have both just gotten over it. I dont mean that we should not ever talk it out and discuss the issues that bother us but sometimes we tend to get all bothered by the little stuff all the time when really there is no need to. Sometimes some issues are very serious and need to be worked on and we cant just up and get over them but when it comes to the small stuff just get over it and go on with life.

Does your spouse always wanna watch the boring news shoes? So what get over it, it isnt worth fighting about or allowing ourselves to get all frustrated about.

Does your spouse like to make the same meal every Tuesday night? So what it's no big deal get over it.

Does your spouse allow the kids to stay up late when you never do? So what, get over it. It wont kill them.

Those are just some examples of course. But IMO many people in this world (myself included) really do need to chill out and get over it.

[sweetestday]

Some of the best advice was actually given to my husband by his best friend and best man before we got married. He said he and his wife made it a point to never put the other one down in fromt of other people in a joking way, and never joked around with each other about someone of the opposite sex. It's been great advice for us, as it is such an accepted thing to joke around with other couples about your spouse's downfalls, or to tease husbands/wives about the "cute guy that helped me out today down at the gas station", etc.
And my husband keeps our communication wide open and refuses to let me clam up about little issues that come up. Every time we have a little spat, after talking it over from every angle, there have always ended up being misunderstandings that get figured out and forgiven.
I am so very thankful for my wise man!

[amy3js]

I think I may have posted this somewhere else long ago, so if you are reading it a second time, my apologies.  But the best advice I got was from my great aunt. She sent me one of those little cards with a verse a day written on it and it said

"My children! Our love should not be just words and talk, but true love which shows itself in action"

It's a verse, from John I think? And I'm not sure of the version she sent it in, but I really love it and it's still hanging on my fridge and will till I die- or no longer have a fridge to hang it on, lol.

[BaptistLady]

My grandmother told both of us this:

Give 75% and expect 25% in return. That way you'll both be giving more and expecting less.

Or something like that... I don't remember exactly, but when both are giving like that, the return will be huge

[lovetoreadmom]

My mother always told me that marriage is for life.  Divorce is never an option - forgiveness is always part of it, esp. as it flows out from yourself to the other.  However, this is the one that sticks with me the most:

"I do not marry because I love.  I LOVE because I am married!"  It's a choice.  I love it!! 

[Homeschool_Newbie]

She said it is her goal and should be the goal of every wife to spoil her husband so much that no one else would be able to put or keep up with his needs and wants better than her.

LOL Garlic momma! This is so cute, funny and true!

[zoe]

Never go to sleep angry!   

If you feel like snapping count to ten and see what happens.

treat your husband/other the way you want to be treated.

Zoe

[BJ_BOBBI_JO]

I liked that very much. Ive always had the same theory but called it the rollar coaster effect. The emotions are high and soaring and then go down into the valley just to go high again like a coaster.

If only more  couples would understand  the ocean and coaster theories.

[Beth]

....the best marriage advice....hmmm

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine....live, laugh and love.

A joyful person ( all it takes is one ) can "fix" so much just by making the choice to be happy. When I remember that, life is always so much better. Laughter and chosen, purposeful, happiness truly is a good medicine!

[titus2wam]

....the best marriage advice....hmmm

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine....live, laugh and love.

A joyful person ( all it takes is one ) can "fix" so much just by making the choice to be happy. When I remember that, life is always so much better. Laughter and chosen, purposeful, happiness truly is a good medicine!

Thank you for that reminder today Beth. 

Have a Joyfilled day
Jeri

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