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[BaptistLady]

Sorry if this isn't in the right place!

I just have a question. This really isn't personal and I'm just curious as to what you ladies think, so please don't worry about offending me!

What if a man and woman are  married. Both work to be able to afford their home, but they don't have any extravagances aside from that home (no expensive cars or "toys" like electronics and the like). But in order to afford their home, both must work for the time being. The children stay with a loved one while the mother works, the father keeps them two days a week on his days off but otherwise works nights.

How would you say that they should adjust to the lifestyle that you all hold dear? They can't sell their house because then they would owe the 8k back to the government and they don't have the money to afford that.

I'm just curious, so feel free to pass this up if you are not interested in answering! Thanks!

[denim&lace]

So, this isn't a scenario that you really need help with, it's just a hypothetical question... right?  In other words, you just want to know what each of us think about these peoples decisions.

If that is the case, well, I think each person (you, me, the family in question) will have to answer to God for all of their/our decisions some day.  If they are comfortable with this then it is absolutely none of my business how they conduct their lives.     If they are uncomfortable with the decisions they have made, they are christians and want to serve God with their decisions, and they want some advice on how I would accomplish that in their position... my answer would be wholly different.       

[sohnnenstrahl]

You may need to clarify your question.

You asked, "How would you say that they should adjust to the lifestyle that you all hold dear?"

It doesn't really make logical sense, in my opinion.

What is the lifestyle of those whom you address? If it's not the chosen lifestyle of the couple, then why do they care about "what you all hold dear"?

If it is indeed the chosen lifestyle of the couple, then why do they care about "what you all hold dear"?

If they indeed are trying to adjust to some lifestyle (which you would still need to explain before expecting an answer, I believe), and are having problems, then what are they specifically?

The reason I could not respond with suggestions as to how to adjust to a lifestyle that someone out there holds dear is that I'd have to make a bunch of assumptions about your assumptions.

Most people here (including me) would gladly give you our clear opinions in response to a clear question.

[sohnnenstrahl]

Just read my post again, and probably I should have put a  in there, since my words didn't seem to convey it!

[denim&lace]

Now, if these folks sincerely wanted to adjust to a lifestyle of mom being a keeper at home and dad being the provider, and this wasn't a hypothetical question, I would suggest that they go to http://www.daveramsey.com/.  That fella has some seriously good advice on how to get out of debt and save for the future even with the wife staying home.  I would also offer any help I could provide such as teaching the wife to save money with growing and storing their own food, how to save money on health care by using natural remedies like diet, exercise, vitamin supplements, massage, and herbs.  How to home school her children using free and inexpensive materials.  How to mend clothing, snake a toilet, tile her floors, cut wood, and any number of money saving and making ideas that would be helpful in fulfilling their desire to change their lifestyle.

Edited to add: I am a  stay at home mom, home schooling 5 children, with my husband working outside the home to provide for the needs of our family.  This is the lifestyle that I hold dear... so it was my assumption that this was what you were referring to.  Please forgive me and please clarify your question if that is incorrect...   


 

[Gabriel Anast]

So, if you don't mind a man answering, if I may:

First of all, reading through all the rant at freejinger, it seems that you have accidentally thrown 7xS into the group that you commonly love to hate... the group that has this "lifestyle that they all hold dear." Oddly enough, they also love to hate 7xS and me... so, you have now found some commonality with most fundamentalists that have ever heard of me (not speaking for the others here).

Believe me when I say that I am as much an outsider to these groups as are you, though for different reasons.

This forum is a bit of an experiment in the idea of, "What does the Bible actually say?" The idea is to observe it and study it and attempt to live it in a way that is completely free of pre-conception and cultural expectation. In the case of many of the people that are or were at one time here, that cultural expectation was "fundamentalism" or a very conservative Christianity.

Oddly enough the responses that many on freejinger and sybermom have had are not at all new. These same responses came from within the "community" long before. As a matter or fact, I think that I have managed to step on the toes of the fundamentalist community much more effectively than you will ever dream of.

Having said that, there is an answer to your question. The answer (and most fundamentalists don't want to hear it either) is simply, live poor.

Go ahead and sell your house and give up the $8,000 tax credit. Its OK. The government will take it back in wage garnishing over a reasonable period of time.

If, for instance, a woman really is made to be a helper to a man, and a man in like manner to his God, then (again, assuming this design is correct) it will by nature be an easier and safer manner of living. Buy or rent a simpler house, let mom come home and take care of the kids (not to the exclusion of who she is in creativity, etc) and let dad work and pay the bills (again, not to the exclusion of who he is... but sometimes paying the bills comes first).

The American dream? Let it go... spend your life loving your kids, enjoying eachother, etc. And give God a try. If He is real. If He really did construct the world the way the Bible says He did, let Him prove Himself. I mean, if He really is God, then I think He would be able to.

Anyway... again... I am an oddball. You yourselves having read through the site must see that I have more enemies in fundamentalist circles (and I certainly don't consider myself "fundamentalist") than in liberal parenting circles... or however you see yourselves. You must also see that most of the people on this board probably disagree with me in many ways, but that agreeing with me or any other teacher is not the point. Finding God is the point.

--gabe

[ForeverGirl]

LOL, I just see that there have already been other answers along the same lines... well, here's to unity:

Yes,
There is no answer to your question because that scenario doesn't occur in Scripture. This forum is based on the study of Scripture, and the members here (that remain) are here because they want to align their lives with God's word... His culture... His economic system... His family principles.

It all begins with a perspective that is rooted in "what is God like and how can I be like Him?" We discover this in the Scriptures.

Rather than "what can I get away with and still be a decent person?"  We discover this in movies, the news, the average Church/religion, and the average forum.

God's family models are built on the assumption that a child is worth more than any amount of money. That the things money can buy are of much less value than the things love and sacrifice can "buy."

We believe that God has given each child a caretaker that cannot be (should not be) bought off... his own parents. We believe there is a lifestyle that lends itself to unimaginable wealth of human interaction, love, and fulfillment. The most committed have seen it and experienced it. We have sold the American Dream back to the drugged seers of that great myth and in exchange we have gained all we ever wanted.

Take the red pill, 

Rebekah

[BaptistLady]

Thanks for the replies!

I want to clarify that though I may have seen a link on a website for this forum, I am not anti-Christianity in any way, shape, or form. I'm a conservative Baptist myself

Anyway, the situation is a hypothetical as in how would you advise someone who was convited to follow a similar path that you have chosen. The situation is real in that it is what my life is right now. It would be feasible if we sold our home (though with reclining real estate we would probably have to bring money to the table that we don't have), for me to stay at home with the kids. But, I love my job. I love teaching and not for the career, but for the impact that I have. I also love that my husband can see his children, and if I wasn't working he would probably have to pick  up a second job and never see the kids. To me and my husband, family time is very important!

I was just curious as to how you would advise someone who seems to be stuck (if they really wanted to live that lifestyle), between a rock and a hard place. Sorry if I didn't make sense.

[ForeverGirl]

What does your husband want to do?

[BaptistLady]

My husband wants me to be happy and has told me numerous times that we would work it out if I wanted to stay home, but he would really miss the kids if he had to get a second job. He takes the sacrificial love part of the husband's command to love their wives as Christ loved the church quite literally. When I went to college, he dropped out (he knew I was a better student and loved college), and got a job. He's now mid-level management but does not love his job. We're both praying for the day that I get a more permanent position so that he can go back to school and find something that he's passionate about AND that can support the family.

I wish he loved his job though, to be honest. The benefits are amazing and the opportunity to advance is huge. However, there are many downsides to retail and as I've told him, I will of course follow him whereve God leads him.

Different strokes I guess, though I imagine that you do believe your way is the correct way.

[Mrs. B]

You've pretty much described my life as well, short of the tax rebate issue.
I work, and with the exception of when my kids were born, I've always worked.  My husband and I decided that this was the life that was best for us many years ago, and while it has somewhat shifted after children, we've pretty much stuck by it.
We both work a bit so that we can have the most time together as a family as that is what is most important to us.
I do believe that we are each called to something different, and what we do works for us.
At times I think that I would love to be full-time stay at home, but I don't know that it is what I'm supposed to do.
My husband also says that he only wants me to be happy as well, so I work.
I do want to clarify that it is only 1 day a week, my kids are 7 and 12, and only my husband or mother is who they are with.   
Apparently I've got a rare bird of a man who enjoys doing school with the kids (though it is man-school, not mommy-school), and I think it's good for them all to have that together time.  It has allowed them to bond in a not-typical American way. 
I also don't know that I buy the whole "correct way"... we do what we think is right for us, as if we thought that there was a better way, that's where we would be.

[Mrs. B]

Also... you specifically said that

How would you say that they should adjust to the lifestyle that you all hold dear? They can't sell their house because then they would owe the 8k back to the government and they don't have the money to afford that.

I would encourage you to not be a slave to money or to man, but to truly seek the Lord and let your husband guide you.
We've been so brainwashed as a society to believe that you 'have' to have certain things, and it is really amazing what you can do without in life.
Again, my last post stated, unapologetically, that I do have a job.  I make money for showing up, but it in the end, it is just money.
I would just plead with you to not let money be the reason for any decision you make. 

[ForeverGirl]

Again, I would say that it begins with perspective, and since, as you say, your husband is the head of your home... I would begin with these things:

1) I would ask my husband what he believes is God's ideal "plan" for our family... what does he understand the Bible to say is God's way?

2) I would let him know that I am willing to make any changes he believes necessary to become the biblical wife and mother, that I desire above all to please God and I am seeking understanding on what that means... primarily through him... my husband. (your husband sounds like a really kind and good man.)

3) Pray a lot. All the time. Ask God to change my perspective to match His own. To let me know what I should become... what I was created to be.

Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is Betty Crocker. But, I believe there is a way for everyone of us to be pleasing to God and to live according to His word. I believe if you seek Him with all your heart (your desires) you will find Him, and He will lead you perfectly.

Rebekah

[denim&lace]

Baptist Lady - I was thinking about your last post.  You are a public school teacher? 

On a practical note, f you are sincerely interested in home schooling your children, and still making money off of that degree you've probably paid so dearly for, you might consider tutoring or teaching home school workshops.  As I understand it, private tutors can make more money than the majority of public school teachers, all from the comfort of their own home.  You could put that house to work earning it's keep.     I know a lady that makes an excellent income teaching art to homeschooled students in her home.  She's incredibly talented.  I know another who makes a bit extra for the family by teaching piano lessons.  As a tutor you would not only get to continue teaching, but you would also be helping the students who would need you the most.   

Just a thought I had.  Do with it what you want.   

[herbalmom]

Welcome to the forum.  

Like Beka said, pray for guidance, for God to change your perspective to match His own,  etc.

On practical notes, be sure to do a total budget that includes ALL of your expenses. Be sure to look at what you spend that you wouldn't spend if you didn't work an outside job. Many times women aren't actually making as much as they think after all the expenses are totaled up. I have heard of this again & again. I know when I was working we spent more on fast food, etc. Here's a post of Whiterock's where a friend of hers found that to be true in her case:

A friend of ours once calculated how much money they spent for her to work. The daycare, gas, eating out (either for lunch or for the nights she wasn't able to cook supper) and found that they were losing money. It actually cost more for her to work than for her to stay home.

WR

Also, if you were at home likely you could find a lot more ways to save money than you have time for now. So point being, if you did quit your job, you wouldn't have to make up as much money as you think.

Check out the Sarah's Daughters threads. There's lots of info in them on following DH (dear husband) saving money, making money home based, etc.

Actually, now that I think about it more, the whole Keepers at Home section would probably be good also.

Here's links to the Sarah's Daughters board & a couple of threads to get you started:

http://www.7xsunday.net/forum/index.php/board,174.0.html

   
How would you come up with an extra $400/month?

   
Every Little Bit Helps - Saving & Making Extra Money

HTH Blessings ~herbalmom

Modified to remove duplicate link- oops  Modified a second time b/c I said were working when I meant to say didn't work an outside job.  Double oops. 

[sohnnenstrahl]

To everyone here, and most especially to BaptistLady: I apologize. I repent of having replied to you, BaptistLady, in a way that, while leaving room for the possibility of you asking a sincere question, really assumed that you were playing around with us. I am ashamed. I had not prayed before typing. I judged, and held back sweetness and grace, and did not give you the benefit of the doubt. Please forgive me, especially if you noticed.  

Thank you for clarifying your question. Yes, me staying home with the kids is dear to us as a lifestyle. God has led us to do this. We know it. We knew it was Him leading this way even before we began to read the Bible regularly.

I think what ForeverGirl said is excellent. Every time we have wondered what to do about pleasing God, and have sought Him in prayer and in His Word, He has shown us just what to do. He will show you, too. The more I pray, the better my husband's ideas keep getting. Oh, he listens to my ideas and asks for them often, but I'm watching this thing unfold and knowing that God is leading him. Miracle after miracle has occurred in God giving us the desires of our heart. Okay, I know I'm being vague. One idea that we have found useful is that of living with less. Right now we are conscious of spending, but God is leading us not to have this mortgage at all. We might borrow to get a less expensive house, but we plan to pay it off in just a couple of years. It would be much less of a mortgage. It might be a cabin, like one room. We have five kids.

Once, I was a school teacher, too. I loved the job for the same reason you do. I have learned something about impact that I couldn't have seen while still teaching in the classroom. In my opinion, the impact you have on your own few children will be much richer, and will last much longer than that which you have on the kids at school.

We will pray for you, BaptistLady, to be led by God through your husband, and for you to see what God leads you to do, and for you to be ready and willing to do it. Thanks for posting!
Love,
Helen   Whoa, I just saw Denim&Lace's post, and brilliant! Totally brilliant. Wonder what your husband would say? Gonna ask him?   

[herbalmom]

After reading D&L's post I thought that if you are a school teacher, you could make money either giving the standardized tests or doing portfolio reviews that some states require for homeschoolers. One I know of locally charges $50 per review. Homeschoolers do things differently than public school so you would need to do some study on homeschool methods but it could bring in good money.

[Gabriel Anast]

BaptistLady is indeed from sybermoms (a registration required forum), which is a little telling. All the cards are not on the table. FYI

[BaptistLady]

I never said I wasn't from sybermoms, Gabriel, and I do not appreciate the assumption that just because someone clicked on a link from another forum means they're not being sincere. I understand the assumption, but I do not appreciate it and it makes me feel unwelcome. I had a sincere question and I am so thankful for the answers that I received.

For the record, I have recently felt the pull into special education, and the more I work with these children the more I know that this is where I am needed. There is such a need and such a lack of individuals to fill that need. I am glad to know that at least one other person feels that they are fullfilling God's will in their life while working outside of the home (be it just one day a week).

Thank you for the wonderful replies


(edited because I used the name others have called you but felt more appropriate using your screen name)

[denim&lace]

Baptist Lady... here you lead me to suppose that you want to quit your job and stay home:

Anyway, the situation is a hypothetical as in how would you advise someone who was convited to follow a similar path that you have chosen. The situation is real in that it is what my life is right now. It would be feasible if we sold our home (though with reclining real estate we would probably have to bring money to the table that we don't have), for me to stay at home with the kids.

Yet here you seem to be indicating that you did not feel convicted to follow a similar path to what we have chosen at all, but had different intentions all along...

For the record, I have recently felt the pull into special education, and the more I work with these children the more I know that this is where I am needed. There is such a need and such a lack of individuals to fill that need.

In the earlier post you indicate that you don't feel you are fulfilling God's will, but feel convicted to be home instead.  In the latter post you are thankful that another person feels, as  you do, that they are fulfilling God's will by working outside the home.  Your coin appears to be double sided.  Please clarify.  Are you here for advice on how to become a stay at home mom or are you here to be encouraged to work outside the home?  I sense deception in the to and fro nature of your posts  ,  yet I am willing (as I know others here would be) to help you work toward the original stated intentions if you are sincere.  If those are not your intentions, well, I'm glad I posted anyway because the posts may be useful to some other person who is sincerely seeking advice and I know our efforts to help you isn't wasted on Jesus. However, I'd appreciate it if you would be upfront about your intentions.  I would guess that most of us here have responsibilities that trump hypothetical questions that have no other purpose than to satiate a strangers curiosity about what advice I might give if a situation were real.      I know I do. 

I'm joyfully willing to help you if I can, but I am not willing to debate you.  I know you wont change my mind, and I have no desire to try to be your Holy Spirit.   

[BaptistLady]

I'm sorry to "lead you on" in any way. I posted on my original post that this was out of sheer curiosity and if anyone didn't want to answer, that was fine! I certainly had no intention of wasting anyone's time, but if someone had a spare minute to answer me it was appreciated. I was honestly curious what the line of thinking would be in a situation such as that.

I put that it would be feasible (though difficult) for me to be a SAHM. That wasn't meant to show that I felt pulled in that direction or that my husband felt that I *should* be at home with the children every day. Once again, I apologize if that was confusing or convoluted in any way, as it obviously must have been.

I've read a lot about the Pearl's and what they believe/how they train children. I am very much against a lot of it, but I am a conservative Christian so many of the husband/wife relationship ideas here my husbadn and I agree with (to an extent, if that makes sense at all!). Finding a board that others describe as a "Pearl" board, I obviously have a lot of questions as to what people who follow that line of thinking believe. I thought about the question all day at work (well, when I had a spare minute to think!), and debated whether or not to post it. I knew my refering site would be visible to admins and I didn't want anyone to think I was trolling. I'm glad I posted it, even with a few negative comments, because I did get some great responses!

[denim&lace]

Thank you for the clarification.    I'm glad to know more about you.  It makes it easier to know how to respond to future posts.   

[David Coles]

*Thread Hijack In Progress*

This may need it's own topic, but this discussion jogged a few things that I've been thinking about for a while now.  This is purely my perspective and can be met with whatever perspective everyone else may have, so be it (therefore making this a good discussion). I don't think it's accurate or even fair to categorize this forum as a "Pearl" forum.

I was aware of this group for a good year before I really got involved, thinking in ignorance that this was, in fact a "Pearl" forum and not really wanting to have anything to do with a group of kids rehashing and regurgitating their parent's theological posturings.  Honestly, that's how we start cults of personality.  I've read plenty of the Pearls and much of their teachings have dramatically helped my wife and I and our children - this is not meant to be a slight on Michael or Deb in the least - but there are things that I respectfully disagree with them on, and since they're not the Christ, that's okay.

When I spent some time actually paying attention to the discussions going on here, I opened my ears a little more and realized that I had to extend benefit of the doubt and allow for something different to be going on here.  It's very difficult for a man to step out from under his father's shadow (even worse sometimes, his Father In Law) and establish himself in his own right, particularly in a similar field as his Father(I-L) was established.  Especially difficult when your father(I-L) is as notoriously polarizing as Mr. Pearl is (I don't expect that Mr Pearl would disagree with or even be apologetic for that statement). 

There have been four or five times over the last 6 months that I've begun typing a question with phrasing like "Michael Pearl says _________, do you agree with that Gabe?"  and retracted my question simply out of (what I think is) respect for what Gabe is trying to do.  The goal of this forum is NOT to hold different doctrinal bits up to the light of Michael Pearl to see if they're Truth or not.  It is to read the Bible for what it says and try to live accordingly.  Sometimes everyone is in agreement, sometimes not (Pre and Post Trib comes to mind instantly.  Gabe is planning his life around his belief that he'll have to ride the tribulation period out here on earth.  Mr. Pearl is convinced that we'll be raptured first).

Granted, there are plenty of similarities, most likely in child rearing (although, once again, I've never directly questioned "Pearl Doctrine" in action in the Anast family) but I have had a growing suspicion over the last few months that if I were to get Gabe and Mike in my living room that I would get different answers from both of them on a number of topics.

Personally, this has been liberating and very maturing for me in my walk with Christ.  I've come to a point in my life where I can't make all the men of faith that I respect line up on the same line.  Gabe, Michael, Sproul, Lewis, Blackaby, Pink, Tozer, Luther, Packer, Piper, Muller, MacArthur... all these folks and more have books on my shelf next to one another (except Gabe, who as far as I know hasn't published yet).

They don't all line up when it comes time to determine what *I* am supposed to do with my life.  Globally, Heavenly, sure - but PRACTICALLY, no.  So what do I have left?  If I can't trust these men to guide my life, what's left?

Scripture.

And at the end of the day, that's what this forum is about - do we believe that the Word of God is what he tells us that it is?  If not, the discussion is moot.  If so, we all have a place at this table.   I will stand before the Throne of God one day and answer for my actions - not only my actions, but how I led my family.  I won't be able to pin it on anyone - I won't be able to hide behind the excuses of poor teaching.

"But God, these teachers told me that it was okay..."

"Did you read My Word?"

"Well........"

I am a Saint.

Hebews 4:12-16
12For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
 13Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.
 14Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
 15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
 16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

I can - I must boldly approach the throne of grace - ultimately it is MY responsibility to lead my family in the path that God chooses - regardless if that path means that my wife has to work for a time or not.  Regardless if that path leads us to Uganda or Haiti or New York or our next door neighbor.  Regardless if that path "looks" like a good ole fashioned 1930's nuclear family or not.  Granted, there are guidelines and things that work "better" than other things, but that doesn't mean it can't be God's specific and revealed plan otherwise.  Should we live in the city?  Should we live in the country?  Should I work at home or hold down a 9-5 job?  Should we can our own food, or buy frozen veggies at the store?  Should we homeschool our kids, or send them to school?

It doesn't matter - as long as you're doing specifically what God has called you to do.  There are a few "defaults" that might make up "our" "lifestyle", but as I myself was duly corrected a few months back - we're a very diverse group.  Would I rather homeschool my kids in the context of a home business that the family runs while we eat a deer that I shot and veggies that  we grew in our garden?  You bet.  If God calls me to minister to inner city kids with my children in school and my wife working an accounting job on the side?  We'll go.  What if he called me to Nineveh?  What if I was supposed to build an arc?  What if we were supposed to start our family when I am an old man and my wife was "stricken" with years?

That's the point of this forum - not to determine how to change your life to meet some ethereal "holy" criteria that we all made up.  It's to find God's will for our own lives through his revealed Word, the Holy Scriptures.  And it's not a "Pearl Forum".


Heh, I was just reminded how grateful I am for all of you - and for a way to discuss these things.  Gabe & Becca, get that next one delivered, yeah?  (so that you can meet the unspoken number of required children to be "Holy"  )  We're praying for you guys and the labor/delivery!

[SC lady]

Moderator's note: 'Remind self to give David Coles a poke for thread hijacking'

Thanks, DC for stating so well what 7xSunday has been trying to do for so long.

. . . . Back to topic 

[ForeverGirl]

LOL, no baby yet, but can't sleep... 

Thanks a lot for that post, David. We rejoiced to see that somebody has figured us out!!! It's cool. Very cool.  I love that post.

I'd like to add as well, in agreement... this is not a "Pearl Board." As far as we know none of the Pearls have ever visited this board, read anything on it, or posted here.

I am not a Pearl... I am an Anast. When I married my husband, I left my family behind to follow my man. I have never regretted that, and (I believe) the Pearl family would cheer me on in that if you asked them. Whether they would or not I AM still an Anast. Thank you very much.

 

Rebekah

hehehe... sorry SC

[AndysJess]

I love your post Mr. Coles...puts into words some things DH and I have been batting around for the last couple of months (years really, but months specifically).

Edited to add:  ditto on the apology SC

[SC lady]

If I could manage it I would offer a stern rebuke to all of you, but my smile would betray my amusement. 

BaptistLady, I do hope that 7xSunday has proved to be a place you feel free to come and ask the hard questions. You aren't alone in the things that concern you. I was there once too. For us, we didn't follow any formula. We just arrived at several crossroads that gave me an opportunity to decide to let my husband be our provider. We aren't/weren't wealthy nor did we have savings to fall back on. . . . Actually, we found that the less we had, the more we had to rely upon God's provision. He's never failed us

 . . . although it's been a wild ride from time to time!

Enjoy the journey.

SC lady
Moderator

[khix]

Amen to what David Coles said!

[amy3js]

I have been wanting to say "awesome post" to a few people lately, but didn't for various reasons. Now I'm going to. Awesome posts people! 

I read this question before anyone originally answered and my thoughts were much like others here. It seems the hypothetical question is so far out of the ball park, it's lost. The point to most of us here is not "to work or not work" but how to be the most righteous with the time we have on this earth. And like others have pointed out, this leads us in all different directions. I know there are at least a few women on this bored who work and others who work part time, work for their husbands companies or others who do various odd-job type things to make a bit of money here and there (sell homemade food or goods, garage sales, watch kids, clean someone's house, etc), some who don't "work" at all, but instead make it their job to live a frugally as possible.  There are almost as many lifestyles on this bored as there are women and some hold their lifestyles as dear and some would make changes if they could. So I think the hypothetical answer I came up with (after much thinking) is that if you feel you and your husband are doing what God told you to do, that you are both happy and content (which I admit is mostly attitude choice here) and you have honestly looked at your life and can't see how in any way it could improve to fit with God's word or will- then you are living the lifestyle we all hold so dear. Most of us here, our questions and comments, are only because we want encouragement to be as righteous as we can and it is sometimes easier for someone else to see whats going on in your life than you can, or helpful to see a point from their life experience. Anywho, I hope that helps to clear up what most of us are about (at least as I see it- lol!  ) and as you read through more threads I think you will kinda see what most here are saying. We are a pretty diverse group of people.

And ditto what DC said, this is not a Pearl forum. 

[BaptistLady]

Thank you for your post

I guess I find it frustrating when I read things from women who do stay home with their children and see it as the only way for anyone to live their lives. I've encountered so many of them in life that it is difficult not to read into what people say, even on here, if that makes sense. I love being with my children and if it was a choice between putting them in a secular daycare to work or not working, I would hands down not work. We would sell the house for whatever we could get, cut our losses, and start over. Having family to watch the children (and my husband doing it two days a week (I work four)) really helps!

And here is where I admit that I am not as "good" of a Christian as I should be. I go to church Sunday morning, evening, and Wednesday night but often times I feel like I am simply going through the motions. My husband was raised in a fundamental baptist church but his job has since made it impossible for him to attend church on a regular basis... well, that's probably me making excuses for him. He *could* be in church but it is extremely difficult for him to do so. I see our family sliding in a way that I never thought possible, and I'm hoping that (though I do not agree with everything here obviously!) the good influences on here can rub off on me and that through that my husband will be influenced. I know that he wants to be a better father, husband, follower of Christ, etc.

So please, don't think I'm a troll, because honestly I am not.

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