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February 09, 2012, 01:36:23 AM
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Author Topic: 2 yo DD gets mad when hurt  (Read 1222 times)
MrsHope
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Posts: 218
« on: February 12, 2010, 01:49:09 PM »
I have looked for a scenario like this and can't find one, so hopefully it is ok making a new topic.

Our 2 1/2 yr dd gets angry and a bad attitude when she gets hurt. We discipline for a bad attitude, but this seems different. For example, if she falls down, and you ask if she is alright, she will yell "No! I am NOT alright!" And then she has even started saying things like "I don't like you, Mommy!" I mean, I don't get where it's coming from. Our 4yr dd used to do the same thing at that age. I think she is embarrassed about falling/getting hurt, and this is how it comes out. I know I should do something, but not sure exactly how to handle it.  Huh
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freshisbest
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Posts: 374
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2010, 04:48:09 PM »
my dd is 7 and does the same thing. She doesn't get mad at me...just furious when you try to offer help. She can't take any kind of help, guidance or constructive chriticism.I too have tried everything. She's generally a polite, happy,obedient kid too. A challenge!
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MrsHope
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Posts: 218
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2010, 01:37:08 PM »
bump.

Anyone have advice on this?
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denim&lace
Master

Posts: 1721
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2010, 01:58:28 PM »
Stop asking.

No, really, if she falls down, take a few moments to assess the situation.  If she isn't really hurt just go back to whatever you were doing.  If she is hurt bad enough that she needs some type of treatment, then you know she isn't OK, calmly pick her up and say, "You skinned your knee,  we are going to go clean it up and put a band-aid on that."

Honestly, when you bang your head on something and  you are already mad because you hurt yourself but you are trying to control yourself, don't you find it counterproductive when somebody says, "Are you OK?"  I do.  If I were OK I wouldn't be standing there with my eyes watering, rubbing the knot on my head.  I would prefer people just leave me alone or go get me a bag of ice for the knot on my head.  But please don't ask if I'm OK.   Wink   

Now the time I would treat this differently is when a child that doesn't appear to be truly hurt is crying and carrying on.  Then I ask them, "Are you broken or bleeding?"  And if they say no, I tell them to shut-up.  (really, shut-up isn't that bad so long as you aren't screaming it like the over stressed lady in the grocery store.  Tongue )   I do realize sometimes a kid can be hurt and not be showing outward signs of it, and that is when and why I ask if they are broken or bleeding.  If they say yes, then I attend to the need, but I don't ask if they are OK.   Obviously they aren't.  Wink
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denim&lace
Master

Posts: 1721
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2010, 05:30:20 PM »
This reminded me of our Spud (now 10) when he was little.  He held grudges against the things he tripped on and banged his head on.   Cheesy  He would be walking along and would get an angry look on his face and point to the coffee table and say something like, "That table hit the boy on the head!"  (yes, he always talked about himself in the third person) 

The incident he was talking about may have happened weeks ago, but here he was still hanging on to that initial anger he felt when he hurt himself.

And I would remind him that "the boy" was climbing up on the sofa and jumping off, that all the table did was sit there.  Roll Eyes   

My point is, I often see adults get mad at somebody else or the thing they hurt themselves on (stupid door!) when they get hurt.  They  are looking to place the blame for that injury on somebody or something other than themselves.  In my opinion, your daughter appears to have found a convenient, if somewhat unwilling scapegoat, in you.  What I described above will certainly make you a less convenient scapegoat.  She's big enough to deal with the little bumps and bruises life will throw at her without you coming to save her.  If you aren't there to 'rescue' her, then she will either learn to be more responsible for her own actions (i.e. when I jump off the sofa, I hit my head on the coffee table, so I think I should not jump off the sofa.) or she will blame something else (stupid table!), which will give you the opportunity to point out that the something else did not cause the hurt... she did.  But as long as you are available to blame she is not going to see the big picture. 
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MrsHope
Adept

Posts: 218
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2010, 04:50:02 PM »
Thanks, D&L. Funny story, I loved that he referred to himself in third person.

At first, before I even wrote my question, I started being very matter-of-fact about asking if she was alright. Then I quit asking altogether. She would still turn to me and say "I'm not alright!" to which I would respond, "I didn't ask." She doesn't seem to be as bad this last week. She will actually say to me, "I am ok". I still don't ask. She fell off her bed the other night and hit her eye on her little night table and got a dark bruise. It was hard not to ask about it, but I did just say, "did you hit your eye?" and she said, "It will be fine, it's getting better". She does not like to be sick or hurt and sees it as a very negative thing.

I know I get instantly mad when I hurt myself badly. I usually don't say anything, but I know that feeling. I don't know why, but I guess I expect too much from my children sometimes, as if they don't have the same feelings. After reading every child training book, I start to think my children should be perfect or something. Ha. I guess we are all still human.  Smiley
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sweetestday
Adept

Posts: 468
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2010, 09:13:41 PM »
I grew up in a sensitive family that was very sympathetic. Somehow I didn't inherit that trait.  Roll Eyes  This reminds me of my little brother (10 yrs younger) while he was growing up. Mom would make a fuss when he'd get hurt or sick, so he started hiding the fact that he was ever hurt. I thought it was interesting that I was the only person he'd come to when he was really worried about any injury or illness. I'd calmly assess if he was really okay, or should probably show Mom... but usually he didn't want anyone else to know.
I think some folks just don't like to be fussed over.
When my boys get hurt, I try not to react much, but say something like, "Ouch. It looks like that hurt." So far all my boys like sympathy, but I'm hoping they'll toughen up soon.  Wink
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