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[joychild24seven]

    This subject has been on my mind and I would like present an observation. This is in no way an implied accusation to the OP or anyone else. Just something I have watched happen in more than one case.
    Sometimes when a man begins to have problems providing for his family, due to unemployment or the economy. The problem can be traced to debt. And sometimes the debt can be traced to a wifes lack of contentment. Stay with me for just a moment.
  I have watched a growing trend. This trend goes something like this. We need a vehicle. True, we all do. But...do we need that mini-van with the 22o dollar a month payment. And then we have to have full coverage insurance. Often the husband needs a work vehicle and that means two payments.
   We need a place to live. True. But do we need that split level house in the suburbs? With the two car garage, to park our new mini van in.
    The fridge breaks down. We do need a new fridge. But do we need the brand new one for 1500 dollars? We put it on our credit card and make monthly payments.
    I'm sure you get my idea. Do we really "need" those things? Couldn't we drive an older model vehicle? Or even do without a second car for a season if the need arose? What about that fixer upper house for much less money? Or what about buying a used modular home? Fridges can be found at used appliance stores or in the penny saver paper. We can  dress our children from garage sales and thrift stores. We can furnish our houses in the same way. Discount grocery stores can save us many pennies.
     The trend I see is everyone wants everything nice and new and they want it now. Someone once said "don't try to get today what it took your parents 30 years to achieve".
So often when I see women going back to work it is simply to maintain the lifestyle they feel they need. They are unwilling to do without a certain standard of living. And so they say" my husband needs me to help him out." When, so often if they could just learn to lower their expectations of how they "need" to live...What a burden you could lift off your husband. Are you willing??

I stole this quote from a different thread, because I feel like it brings up a good topic of discussion. I know that I had very set standards or beliefs about how to handle finances before I got married. I honestly wasn't very good at handling my own finances, but I felt like I knew "the best way" to do it. (Kindof like how I know the healthy way to eat, but doing it is an entirely different matter!) When my husband (to-be) and I stared discussing marriage, finances were part of the discussion, and we agreed on many things. My husband was excellent at handling finances (except perhaps for the first few months of dating where he took me out to eat several times a week!!!) but over the last 15 years of his adult life he has done very very well.

After getting married, I discovered that my husband, who is in charge of all of our personal finances, did not have the same understanding of "the best way" to handle finances that I did. A few examples: Our grocery budget very much limited my ability to buy fresh produce, something I felt was very important. I knew I could garden in the summer, but where I live gardening only covers 2-3 months, tops. He limits drives into town (2 miles away) to save gas. When we first married, he expected me to do less than 3 loads of laundry a week (and he used the same bath towel for months at a time between washings...ugh!) All of this frugality I understood, I knew how to squeeze the very life out of every single penny, and I was comfortable with that. But then he'd take us out to eat, spending more than our grocery budget for the week. Or buy a brand new riding lawn mower, instead of looking at all of the used ones I looked up for him. Or take us on vacation, buy a new tool, remodel the bathroom, etc. Saving money, but still spending more than I would or even spending it at all, when I wouldn't have made that particular thing a priority.

And as a new wife I realized that I was either going to be constantly stressing about finances, or I was going to have to trust my husbands good judgment. Which is a lot easier said than done! But I don't want to live my life in constant stress over something I had little control over, so I've been learning to adjust my attitude.

Then, there was another issue. I would, in trying to be frugal, not tell my husband about things that I felt were needed, such as new undergarments or extra money to stock up on a REALLY good deal at the market, or new shoes, etc. I would be the martyr, making things last forever or doing without because in my opinion (having no concrete knowledge of our financial state at that moment)  we didn't have the money for such things. And then my husband, ignorant of my needs (my fault for not telling him) would spend money on something that was even less of a priority (in his eyes too, but he assumed if I needed something I would tell him). And then I would have to fight bitterness, yuk!

So, I decided that even though frugality is a good thing (and I still shop at thrift stores, Aldi, etc.) since I am not in charge of our finances, it's really a relative thing. Something that I can exercise in my own areas of domain, like grocery budget, or looking for the best deal and quality in something that I need.

But I'm interested to know how other women deal with differences in financial priorities between themselves and their husbands. What does it look like to be a helpmeet to someone who isn't good with finances, or wants you to be in charge of finances, or doesn't care?  How do you keep a good attitude when things go against your way of doing things? What, in retrospect, do you wish you had done differently? What do you do if your husband feels that debt is just part of life, and you feel that debt is horrible and should be avoided at all costs? How to you keep a cheerful, happy home with such differences?

[denim&lace]

I've watched that exact scenario play out in other marriages.  I know a family where the wife felt at one time she was being called to stay home with her children who were fairly young then, but they were in debt and she decided that her husband just wasn't capable of providing well enough, so she continued to work.  Her children are nearly grown now...  they are still in debt, and she is still working.

I've also been guilty of discontent and causing my husband to overspend.  The funny thing is, he didn't even purchase things that I really wanted or thought I needed, but just sensing my discontentment, he would purchase anything he thought would make me smile.  The fact is, he couldn't make me content with those things, because the discontentment was a state of my heart and had little or nothing to do with my circumstances... though, at the time I didn't realize it.  And when he couldn't make me smile, he would go out and spend money on things to make him smile... cause it's a real drag to be married to somebody that is never happy with anything you do for them.        

We worked up a tremendous amount of debt, and both he and I would have attributed it to his spending habits, because I never used the credit cards and have always been more 'frugal' than he is... but in all honesty, the debt was as much my doing as his. 

Now, my husband occasionally spends a little money 'frivolously' knowing that I will be delighted to receive flowers or a new toaster or a carafe to keep my tea hot so I can make a whole pot at a time.     But for the most part he puts all the extra toward debt, knowing that I'll be delighted to just spend the evening at home serving him toast and hot tea and playing with the kids.  He's doing an awesome job paying off our debt, and is looking forward to the day that he can call his boss and say, "Hey, I'm gonna take a week off next month and spend it fishing with my family!" 

AND I am taking a small amount of money out of the grocery budget each week to start a small home business.  We hope it will be profitable, but if it isn't, we aren't in debt from it and it will surely be a learning experience.   

[Beth]

     Yes, I can understand that. I have one of those kinds too. But it is his money. He earns it. It is his choice to make. Even the little I earn is under his control too.
     I have learned (am learning) to enjoy those unexpected expenditures. They can be so fun. If it is his decision to spend it don't worry about it. Worry about your part. Are you making him feel he can never provide enough or are you satisfied to live with what he can afford. To sacrifice for his benefit is in your ability. To tell him how to spend it is not our place. JMO

[Cecilia]

I have read many, many times that the number one reason that couples divorce is money problems. A wife and husband need to be on the same page with their financial goals, how to spend money, what to save, etc. I simply do not understand the mindset that just because the husband is the only one actively earning an income that he then gets to spend it without input from the wife. She is not a little child, she is an active partner in the marriage.

My husband and I have been married 26 years. I don't work outside the home, however during our entire marriage I have managed the finances simply because I'm better at it. I also like to do it. I'm very detail oriented and good at saving; my husband is a "big picture" guy and isn't really interested in day-to-day financial details and household budgeting. But we're in total agreement on how our money is spent and what we save/invest. I can recall only three times  (all earlier in our marriage) where we disagreed on something major financially and I deferred to my husband's decision. Once he was right, twice his decision turned out to be the less-wise one. Since then we have agreed not to make big financial decisions unless we are 100% in agreement with each other.

Early in our marriage I read several books by Larry Burkett, a Christian financial counselor. About 11 years ago my husband and I attended a Financial Peace Seminar by Dave Ramsey (which also has a Christian focus). Both men emphasize the need for couples to communicate openly in regards to their money, participate together in budgeting, etc. They also agree that there is usually one person in the marriage who is more naturally inclined towards managing the budget; I believe Dave Ramsey defines these personality types as the "free spirit" and the "nerd" (and most people can usually define what they are fairly easily  ). These books are usually readily available at the library; I highly recommend both authors.

[denim&lace]

All I can say is that my husband has learned more about managing money from me submitting to him in all of the financial decisions and keeping my hands (and mouth) out of it than he ever learned before.  (he is sitting here agreeing with this)   

I don't expect every marriage to work like ours, but that has been my experience.  And, I rather enjoy not having to worry about balancing checkbooks and paying bills any longer.     As far as his money vs my money vs our money...   it really all belongs to God anyway, my husband has to submit the money he earns to God, and I certainly have no problem submitting any money I earn to my husband as unto the Lord.  My husband is very generous, but I would hope that I could joyfully submit to him even if he wasn't.  It really isn't about being a child versus being an active partner in the marriage for me.  It's about authority. 

My husband always asks my opinion, but he don't need to ask my permission.  If he didn't ask my opinion, that would be OK too!   

 

Since then we have agreed not to make big financial decisions unless we are 100% in agreement with each other.

 
 
In my opinion, you've already made a big financial decision by deciding not to do anything until you are both 100% in agreement...   That kind of agreement would be akin to usurping authority from my husband, in my mind.  Right now we would be in disagreement over a job change.  My husband is considering leaving a good stable job to take a job making less money.  He is stressed from working management, doesn't get a paid vacation, and is constantly being sent out of town.  BUT he currently makes good money, his bosses love him, and has great medical/dental benefits all paid by the employer.  If it were within my authority to tell him what to do, I'm not sure I would give him my blessing to quit a good stable job in a rough economy for something more comfortable.  THANKFULLY, it isn't within my authority. 

What if there is somebody at this new company that needs to hear about Jesus and my husband is God's answer to that need?  What if the company my husband is with suffers an unanticipated problem that leads them into bankruptcy and God was protecting us by providing the new job?  What if one of the islands that my husband has to travel to experiences a tsunami or a volcanic eruption while my husband is there when he could have been here instead?  Wow.  I don't want to be the one responsible.  I want my husband to have the freedom to follow what ever path God may be leading him down without having me be 100% in agreement with him.

I would guess that folks that can not 100% agree on big financial decisions are the reason so many people name money as the reason for their divorce.  Money, or lack of money is not the problem.  It's the disagreement over money that's the problem, in my opinion.  I recognize that if I submit to my husband's authority on money matters, then there can be no disagreement.  If I'm not in disagreement with him over money, there is no reason to get divorced over it.   

I wonder what Sarah thought when Abraham gave Lot his pick of the land...  If I were defining their personalities I would probably call Abraham the 'free spirit' and Sarah the 'nerd' in that relationship.   

I know one thing, she wasn't afraid or amazed.   

[SC lady]

A wife and husband need to be on the same page with their financial goals, how to spend money, what to save, etc. I simply do not understand the mindset that just because the husband is the only one actively earning an income that he then gets to spend it without input from the wife. She is not a little child, she is an active partner in the marriage. . . .

Early in our marriage I read several books by Larry Burkett, a Christian financial counselor. About 11 years ago my husband and I attended a Financial Peace Seminar by Dave Ramsey (which also has a Christian focus). Both men emphasize the need for couples to communicate openly in regards to their money, participate together in budgeting, etc. They also agree that there is usually one person in the marriage who is more naturally inclined towards managing the budget; I believe Dave Ramsey defines these personality types as the "free spirit" and the "nerd" (and most people can usually define what they are fairly easily  ). These books are usually readily available at the library; I highly recommend both authors.

All I can say is that my husband has learned more about managing money from me submitting to him in all of the financial decisions and keeping my hands (and mouth) out of it than he ever learned before.  (he is sitting here agreeing with this)

It is interesting that we as wives don't seem to have any difficulty understanding that a CEO is in charge of his own company and expected to make decisions (sometimes with but) often without the input of his very intelligent staff. We understand that he is answerable to the shareholders for the bottom line. Yet, we characterize this same respect for authority in the home as that of a parent/child relationship between the husband and wife.

To suggest that a husband and wife MUST have a meeting of the minds on the subject -- just as the suggestion to wives that their family MUST have a date night, Bible study, or some other activity -- is (I believe) an unnecessary burden. Not every husband is led in this way. It isn't the wife's role to direct in these matters and to suggest that she should is to tempt her to usurp, circumvent and otherwise undermine the husband's authority. It's one thing for men to offer testimony/counsel/direction to other men about how these things are recommended, but as I understand the word, telling wives it is on them to make sure their husbands comply to a certain standard is to usurp authority in the home (God -->husband --> wife). I believe that the end of such logic sets the wife against her husband and forces a man to either meekly comply or rebel to re-establish his position.

 For me, I see that God is more than able to direct my husband without me churning over his financial decisions. In my own life, the question for me was 'how long do I want this to hurt?' Whether it is giving birth or learning how to follow wisely, a wife/mother is often faced with circumstances that remain uncomfortable the longer we struggle and try to have our own way. Sometimes, we have to be willing to endure some financial setbacks in order that our husbands can gain the experiences that God has designed. To constantly be pulling a husband back from the brink of disaster that MAY (not always will) occur as a result of his decisions -- and I include indiscreet verbal input here -- is to place OURSELVES in the parent role. In our fear of being seen as a child, we have treated our husband as a child that is in need of our guidance.

I will also offer this: God doesn't play. When He offers a correction, He knows just how much is required to get a man's attention! For me, I've had to learn how to step aside, stop offering warnings and let my husband deal with his own conscience before God and the resulting consequences. Easy? Let's say it's not for wimps! It's also not for those with a smug self-righteous attitude, because the same God that knows how to get my husband's attention, knows my number too. 

So, the idea that a head of a household needs members of that household to tell him how he should direct his affairs in order to 'protect' him from his lack of wisdom/experience/education/self-control, etc. is one I reject. Besides, in the days when I unwisely tried to 'inform' my dh about these things, (A) it didn't work (B) it created needless conflict (C) he blamed my distrust when things didn't work out and (D) we had to repeat the process. I much prefer to let God lead my husband and respect the organization as it has been designed.

[ridgerunner]

All I can say is that my husband has learned more about managing money from me submitting to him in all of the financial decisions and keeping my hands (and mouth) out of it than he ever learned before.  (he is sitting here agreeing with this)

Ditto!

[Beth]

All I can say is that my husband has learned more about managing money from me submitting to him in all of the financial decisions and keeping my hands (and mouth) out of it than he ever learned before.  (he is sitting here agreeing with this)

I will also offer this: God doesn't play. When He offers a correction, He knows just how much is required to get a man's attention! For me, I've had to learn how to step aside, stop offering warnings and let my husband deal with his own conscience before God and the resulting consequences. Easy? Let's say it's not for wimps! It's also not for those with a smug self-righteous attitude, because the same God that knows how to get my husband's attention, knows my number too. 

So, the idea that a head of a household needs members of that household to tell him how he should direct his affairs in order to 'protect' him from his lack of wisdom/experience/education/self-control, etc. is one I reject. Besides, in the days when I unwisely tried to 'inform' my dh about these things, (A) it didn't work (B) it created needless conflict (C) he blamed my distrust when things didn't work out and (D) we had to repeat the process. I much prefer to let God lead my husband and respect the organization as it has been designed.

            amen! This attitude or idea can be so important in so many areas of our marriage. It is scary though. To let go and just say whatever happens, happens. No wonder Peter said "not afraid with any amazement."  But honestly, so many times when I was sure he was making a huge mistake in purchasing some item that I just didn't feel we really needed...low and behold, at a later point in time I became very grateful he had done so.
          Even when they do make a wrong choice they seem to learn from that so much easier if we aren't in the background saying "well, you know we weren't in agreement here."  Who likes to hear "I told you so"?

[Monita]

D&L and SC.........you all ROCK!
I have 2 young ladies seeking guidance who are in a real mess right now because they have believed so many of the worlds lies.   Thank you guys for your edifying words,  they were soooooo soothing to my spirit this morning and helped in a very real way to give me encouragement and validated what I was thinking. 

I love you!!

[amy3js]

All I can say is that my husband has learned more about managing money from me submitting to him in all of the financial decisions and keeping my hands (and mouth) out of it than he ever learned before.  (he is sitting here agreeing with this)

Ditto!

Double ditto!!

[Siege]

I have to disagree a bit with SC Lady on this one. I feel that this is a "to each his own" type thing. My husband is terrible with finances and because I referee to him and "submitted" he is in a huge mess! He has now decided that since I am HIS help meet, I am going to meet HIS needs and do the finances. I agree with Cecelia from above.

There are times that someone (husband or wife) may want to jump gung ho into a big purchase (each family needs to decide the amount, $20 or $2,000) but have they prayed or discussed this withtheir spouse? My husband trusts my judgement for the most part (there are a few times he has ignored my advice when he has asked for it. 9 out of 10 times he finds out later I am right). We pray about the choice, and if either if us have a misgiving, we don't do it.

My husband believes that the same Holy Spirit he has us also in me (and each child of God) and that if I have a misgiving, two things:
1. The Holy Spirit will allow me to be at peace with the issue (money, business, childrearing, ANYTHING)
or
2. The Holy Spirit will allow him to see what I have been shown.

If you husband wants you to do the finances, and wants your input, then you are being HIS help meet (not some other man's way of how he wants his help meet to be)

If your husband wants you to stay out of finances, then stay out if them and trust him.

I also think that many men think that because the woman is to submit that she cannot have any household input at all. It is the woman who does the housekeeping and meals. These things will only be as good as the supplies she gets. It is because if my (or any frugal help meet) choices in running my household that allow my husband to do what he is doing (his own business). I find fun and interesting ways to cut costs. I tell him if it won't be possible to cut costs anymore in an area, I tell him if I can get by on what we have. I encourage him in his endevor.

It is very unfair to say that the woman should have no say in the household finances just because you or another woman doesn't and does fine. It is also unfair to say that because she is suppossed to be submissive that she should not have a say in the spending of the money. We all are the help meets to OUR OWN husbands. We canalways encourage someone in a similar situation as ours.

[Beth]

If you husband wants you to do the finances, and wants your input, then you are being HIS help meet (not some other man's way of how he wants his help meet to be)


It is very unfair to say that the woman should have no say in the household finances just because you or another woman doesn't and does fine. It is also unfair to say that because she is suppossed to be submissive that she should not have a say in the spending of the money. We all are the help meets to OUR OWN husbands. We canalways encourage someone in a similar situation as ours.

      Actually I do the checkbook. My husband hates doing it and doesn't really have the time. And because I know the numbers it was often hard for me to let go and be at peace when he made a decision different than the one I would have made. He does usually ask my opinion but he doesn't  always do what I suggest. But I guess that is submission. Laying down our desires and deferring to another.
     SC ladies idea of likening this to a CEO of a corporation is exactly right. If the CEO has one opinion, and the next in line has another. Who do they go with? That is the way authority works. No one is saying you can't have an opinion. And I think a great deal of husbands do talk with their wives about finances. But in the end...It is his decision and his alone. And the sooner we can be at peace with that, the sooner the fighting over finances will end.
    Submitting would be easy if it meant that we did what he said if we agreed.

[SC lady]

Yes, this isn't about whether or not a woman has an opinion. It's not about who is more knowledgeable. It's not about whether or not a wife can be led by the Holy Spirit. The issue is about whether or not the wife will be at peace with (and trust that) God can and will lead their family through the husband. Scripture defines the husband as the head.

PERMIT A DRIVING ANALOGY
A woman with perfect vision, quick reflexes and in possession of a CDL, state & federal license to drive several types of vehicles shows that she is more than qualified to operate a motor vehicle. None of this is in play, however, if she is in the passenger seat. In the passenger seat, the task is to learn how to be a good passenger so that the driver can do HIS job -- EVEN if you feel MUCH more qualified.

A passenger that offers constant instruction to the actual driver becomes an impediment to the one trying to handle the vehicle. The current driver is tasked with trying to drive, observe conditions AND respond to the distracting passenger. Worse, he could become so dependent upon the observations of the passenger that he loses the ability to objectively determine how/when/where he will drive.

. . . . This includes being ready to grab the wheel if the driver directs you to do so -- not engaging in a discussion on the wisdom of whether or not this is wise.

It is all about learning how to follow your man. Some husbands want to have regular finance meetings with their wives and go over all receipts, budget goals, etc. Some husbands decide not to own a bank account. Some husbands offer guidelines and expect their wives to handle the details. Some husbands plan ahead. Others just handle things as they come up. Some will want all major financial decisions to be discussed with the wife, while others will avoid ever discussing money. . . .

Whatever your husband decides is HIS method, I think it wise to make it your method also and commit to making it a successful endeavor. Finding flaws in his methods/delivery is (for me) a recipe in discontent and worry. It's also much easier when I remind myself that it is God's realm to instruct/correct/direct my husband in these matters and I do well to not interfere in the process.

. . . hope that helps to clarify 

[denim&lace]

Thinking along the lines of SC's analogy, a CEO is often the wiser to seek a financial adviser or hire a bookkeeper.  But this is to his discretion.   

It is the same with a husband who asks his wife to help him with the finances, or even to completely hand the finances over to her.  That husband is still a man who rules well over his own household, and his wife is still in subjection to him.  

Where I part ways with this thinking is with the 'agreement' to be in 'agreement', which is not always a possibility.  Different backgrounds, different experiences, different levels of maturity and a number of other factors will affect how people look at money and how it should be used.  When it comes down to it, I believe that this type of agreement ties a man's hands making him ineffective in ruling his household.  

In my opinion, there is not one other factor that determines and outlines a person's realm of authority more than their access to the available funding.  Can a king rule without collecting taxes?  Can a president preside without a national budget?  Can a mayor run the city without access to funds?  No.  Without access to the funds they are just  people with titles.  A king can't build roads, a  president can't fund a military and a mayor can't hire police officers without having a controlling vote in the budget.  

I enjoy the fact that my husband esteems my opinion on financial decisions above all others.  I do have a hand in our finances at his discretion.  Just as a kings adviser may advise him to dip into the treasury to build better roads, I advise my husband as to the needs of our family and household.  However, if the kingdom needs new fields planted for food rather than new roads for travel, the king is the one responsible for making sure the  people are fed.  It isn't within my realm of authority to disagree... It's now my job to  help the king be as successful as possible in planting new fields!  

( SC makes some of the same points I'm aiming at in the post she made while I was typing this...)

[mammame]

Okay I have a question... do you guys know how much your husband's make? I never realized that some people didn't until I, well, heard some people talking about how they didn't know! I remember when DH got his salary letter and we both jumped up and down for joy and praised God together! I couldn't imagine "being left out of the loop" but I guess it's all perspective

Anyway, my husband is pretty good with finances but I find that, just like in the OP, there were times when he would spend frivilously (to me), and not spend money on the stuff that really matters! But my husband likes my input and likes me to keep him "grounded." Take, for example, the time he wanted to buy a brand new sleep number mattress. Yes, our mattress is crummy, but it's fine, you know? We have thousands of dollars in credit card debt and he wanted to put another few thousand dollars on credit. I told him we couldn't afford it... he looked at the numbers and realized yeah, we couldn't. Well, I said "I really don't think we can afford that..." not "HEY! We don't have the money for that! DUH!" lol! He told me recently that he likes it when I metaphorically smack him upside the head. He said he used to think that me agreeing with his plans meant that we had the money (I pay the bills, he likes it that way), but I was just agreeing because I knew he wanted to do it or go there. Now that I say no, we're saving a ton of money and he knows when I say yes that we do have the extra funds to do whatever it is he wants. Maybe that's a little backwards, but he doesn't have the time to manage the bills himself so I don't mind doing it for us.

But even with being in debt he still doesn't put any claim on the money I make through my cake business. I, of course, always put it in the "communal pot" for bills and such, but I guess if I wanted to I could go out and spend it. I don't have that desire though, especially with the bills that need to be paid.

[denim&lace]

At our house, I do know how much my husband makes.  I also know how much of that is committed to bill payment, how much we have for household needs and how much (or little  ) we have for 'extra'.  My husband feels it is important for me to know what is going on with the finances, in case something happened to him.  He knows that I am very capable of handling the finances.  I use to manage his mothers fiber optic company, and before that I was the head manager for a restaurant.  However he likes being the one that handles the finances.  He thinks I have plenty to do without it.

I grew up on a farm, and my family never owned 'new' anything.  When the fridge went out, we either repaired it or found a new used one.  My Dad was a mechanic, so we bought all our cars used and if it had a problem, he fixed it...  my parents never owned a credit card, and if they wanted to buy some land or a new used car and didn't have the money on hand then they would just call the bank.  They knew my parents and trusted them so well that they would just tell my parents to write a check and they would cover it... Mom and Dad could come in later to take care of the paperwork.   

My husband grew up in a house with a Mom who was pretty much MIA because running a business was her priority, and he had a nice little merry-go-round of step-fathers... so he didn't learn to fix things.  If things broke at their house, his Mom put in a few more extra hours and bought brand new with the extra warranty so if it broke the repairs would be pre-paid.  My husband came to our marriage with that mindset and I came with the opposite, so one of us had to give.

I just waved good-bye to the Sears service repair guy who came to do our annual service check up on the appliances this morning.     But in the years we have been married, my husband has moved a bit more toward the middle in his thinking.  Not everything has to be purchased new any longer, and we don't have to buy the 'best' brand of everything anymore.  (though Charmin toilet paper and Crest toothpaste are still on the non-negotiable list.  ) 

Like your husband, he lays no claim on any money I may make.  Sometimes I put it into the communal pot, and sometimes I set it aside for something special.  Still, it's his if he needs it or asks for it.

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