next »

[Suchender]

This a question that has been on my mind for a long time now. And I wanted to check if my thinking on this subject is worng and I thought if there is any place that I will get biblical answer it is here. I am a younger woman so I hope I don't come accross as trying to teach...I am looking for corection if I'm wrong on this topic. Here are my thoughts on this subect....

Today the church is full of women and children that are very dedicated to going to church every sunday and other church events like bible study and prayer night and so on. And lots of men that do want to be there and some men that don't really want to be there, they go because the wife thinks its necessary.
But what if the husband wants the wife to go to church by herself ? Sould she submit or should she say to her Dh "I will follow where you lead, if you don't go to church I don't either" ? If going to church is important to him and he knows what he wants but just can't take that step Is a man shurking responsibility and trying to push leadership onto his wife because he is afraid he might fail? Or he chooses to work on sunday mornings because thats  somthing he knows he will be good at. I just don't think it is the wifes responsibility to take the kids to church alone. She and the kids can learn plenty from just listening to daddy/husband at home.
Somtimes it feels like the more willing I am to following him the more unsure of himself he becomes.
Your thoughts.

   

[Beth]

I went to church for several years with just the children. My husband was supportive of this. He wanted us to go. Just wasn't ready to make that step. I went. If he asked me to stay home for whatever reason, I did. He sometimes went if the kids were doing something special. There were a lot of homeschoolers there and they often did things together. Bible memory and such things.

One day he read about an Easter sunrise service in the paper. It was to take place on the shore of a beautiful little lake in our area. He was telling me about it and I said something like "Oh, that sounds fun I've never been to one." Out of the blue he said "let's go". We did. After the service the children and I automatically went straight to the car. He never liked to stay long on the few occasions when he attended. So this is what we expected. We waited...and waited some more. Finally we went in search of him. There he was standing and visiting with the pastor like they were old friends. We were amazed.

It was a new church just starting up and they were meeting in a school...lol. That seemed a bit ironic! But he liked this pastor so much that he wanted to go back. We attended that church for 5 years. My husband found salvation in this church. We have the best of memories there.

Do I regret going with out him? Nope!!! It was what he wanted us to do. I believe in his heart he knew it was the right thing. He just wasn't ready to go. Everytime he came with us to attend some function he began to see that it wasn't such a scary or wierd place. He had never attended church as a child. So the whole idea was foreign to him. Those few times prepared him to really feel at home with other christians.

If your husband supports you and even wants you to  go... count your blessings and go! I have many regrets in my marriage, but this is definately not one of them. If for no other reason your children need christian friends. Trust me, they don't stay little forever and they need to know that there are others with the same faith. That you are headed somewhere....that this a journey we are on and there are others going the same place.

If your husband doesn't want to be the spiritual leader you can't force him to by not attending church. Some men never learn to lead in a spiritual way. Read 1 Peter 3. You might win him and then again you might not. There is no guarantee. So why deny your children the opportunity to fellowship with other believers?

[lovetoreadmom]

GREAT answer, Beth.  I wholeheartedly agree.  I like the part you added about I Peter 3- some will be won and others not.  I am at the point of trying to win my husband, somewhat.  He has had some bad experiences with "church-going" folk, including family, such as judgemental people, social perceptions (this comes from his family, who is VERY concerned with how others perceive them), and even truly believing.  I have come to the conclusion that my DH really is not saved (based on what I believe the Bible tells us are the true marks of a believer), and I want this for him more than anything.  I know going to church does not make one saved, so I pray that the Lord will work in my DH's heart to come to Christ in whatever way would bring the MOST glory to God.    In the mean time, I have to let DH lead in his own way and not the way *I* think is best. 

BTW - DH does come with us sometimes, and the kids are always asking him if he is coming.  I just quietly go about getting ready and smile when he's not looking. 

[mammame]

My husband works nights and is rarely home before we leave for sunday school on sunday mornings. Sometimes he comes to church, but he's really lacking a relationship with God right now and has no desire to be there, if we're being honest here.

I need my church fellowship. My husband is not a Godly man right now, or however you want to put it, and I need to learn more about my faith in a structured setting. I love church and I love my church family. I'm there three times a week (sunday mornings, evenings, and wednesday evenings), most of the time without my husband. He's completely fine with me going and doesn't seem to be pushing leadership onto me (though in some ways it feels that way).

I'll take it one further.. I know that my husband would be more willing to go to church if I skipped sunday school and stuck around to be there when he gets home from work and push him to get ready. But is that my place, to be a nagging wife just to get him into church? I don't think so. Instead I'm trying to be a silent example, so to speak. I'm not going to push him because I'll just push him farther away. Instead, I'll do the right thing, even if it is annoying and difficult! I hate getting two kids and myself ready and setting clothes out for my husband (even though he rarely puts them on and comes). But I do it for God and I do it for myself.

Sorry.. not a great answer. But bottom line is that I've seen men get saved through the power of their praying wife... I've seen women on the alter praying for their husbands for years and finally their husband's heart is moved. Plus, I love church and so do my kids.. no way would I not go just because my husband couldn't be there!

[andiclare]

But what if the husband wants the wife to go to church by herself ? Sould she submit or should she say to her Dh "I will follow where you lead, if you don't go to church I don't either" ? If going to church is important to him and he knows what he wants but just can't take that step Is a man shurking responsibility and trying to push leadership onto his wife because he is afraid he might fail? Or he chooses to work on sunday mornings because thats  somthing he knows he will be good at. I just don't think it is the wifes responsibility to take the kids to church alone. She and the kids can learn plenty from just listening to daddy/husband at home.
Somtimes it feels like the more willing I am to following him the more unsure of himself he becomes.
Your thoughts.

This is just a newlywed's opinion....But my first instinct here is that if your husband really wants you to go to church without him, you'll honor him by obeying and going to church without him. 

[khix]

I'd like to add this question to the mix:

Should a wife (with or without the kids) visit churches without her husband?

[lovetoreadmom]

I'd like to add this question to the mix:

Should a wife (with or without the kids) visit churches without her husband?

I think it goes back to the simple questions - What does he *want* you to do?  Can you ask him his wishes on the matter?  Then do whatever he says.

[khix]

I'd like to add this question to the mix:

Should a wife (with or without the kids) visit churches without her husband?

I think it goes back to the simple questions - What does he *want* you to do?  Can you ask him his wishes on the matter?  Then do whatever he says.

Dh really doesn't care one way or the other.

I guess I'm wondering - how can a I make a good decision about which is the "right" church without my dh's input?  I wouldn't want to get caught up in any deception traps, kwim? 

I'm thinking it would be safer to stay home & continue to wait on dh.....I occasionally get an "itch" to go to a church, but it's not enough of an itch to cause me distress in any way.  I was just curious if there was an absolute right answer, or if the answer depended...

[lovetoreadmom]

I do see what you mean, and waiting is better along those lines, IMO, for your own protection, as well as your childrens'.   Of course, this is subject to what your DH wants.  If he *wants* you to go to church, you will be protected by your obedience, I believe.

Just my $.02. 

[Suchender]

Sorry it took me sooooooo long to come back to this topic. I just didn't want to answer somthing i'd regret.
I did find the answer I was looking for on NGJ's youtube page so here it is if anyone is interested.

http://www.youtube.com/ngjministries#p/u/1/JCpj-_HY9Fo

I am glad I did wait till my Dh decided to get more involved at the church, the blessing has been worth the wait. I remember a preacher said a while ago "a wife can't follow her husbsnd if he's standing still" I thought to myself sure she can she just stands still with him eventually he will take a step.
Suchender

[Beth]

Oh, I really got a lot of good out of that video. I had watched it a couple of days ago. I like his explanation of what a prophetess is versus what we often think she is ( a preacher ). I also liked how he explained why when women began to speak and teach in a church that soon the men just stop going altogether. I think that is absolutely true.
But, speaking and teaching in church and going to church are two different things. I think it really boils down to if your husband wants you to go or not. As I said before in my earlier post there was a time he wanted me to go....and because I did, he eventually started going and was saved in that church.
At this point in our lives, things are changing. Our children are getting married and soon we will just be us! The church we have been attending for the last 6 years no longer seems to be where we belong. We attend occasionally, but most of the time my husband prefers to stay home. We know we plan on finding a new church home but he wants to wait until our youngest daughter is married in the next few months to a year.
So, if it were up to me, I would find something now. But he says no, we need to wait. When she (our daughter) is married they'll move to where he (our son-in-law) lives and attend his church. If we changed now it will only make things harder for her and so we wait.
If I tried to go out and find a church right now....obviously I would be wrong!!
When the children were small and he wanted us to go...I was obeying his wishes and it bore good fruit. Different situation now. 

[Momofone]

Sorry to be so dense, here.  My computer is kinda old(er) and slow - like me - and I can't view any video stuff from NGJ (grrrrrr). 

My DH can be contradictory in what he says vs. what he does.  I have asked my hubby (in the past) and he said that I could go to church, even though he does not.

However, after that time, when Sunday started to roll around, my hubby *found things he needed me to do* which kept me from church.  I could sense that he really did not want me to go.  So, I stopped attending church services outside the home.  My DH has given me the "go ahead" (both verbal and in action) to listen to all the Bible stuff I want at home.

Herein lies my trouble - Should I be going to a church building because my DH "says" I can?  Or should I follow what seems to be in his heart?

I have often times felt that men will give the "politically correct" answer because they don't want to appear "domineering" to the rest of society....  Or because they don't want to "upset" the wife.

[denim&lace]

I try to remember that the Bible not only says 'submit' and 'obey', but also 'honor'. 

How could you best honor your husband in this situation?  I bet you know.

[Beth]

Sorry to be so dense, here.  My computer is kinda old(er) and slow - like me - and I can't view any video stuff from NGJ (grrrrrr). 

My DH can be contradictory in what he says vs. what he does.  I have asked my hubby (in the past) and he said that I could go to church, even though he does not.

However, after that time, when Sunday started to roll around, my hubby *found things he needed me to do* which kept me from church.  I could sense that he really did not want me to go.  So, I stopped attending church services outside the home.  My DH has given me the "go ahead" (both verbal and in action) to listen to all the Bible stuff I want at home.

Herein lies my trouble - Should I be going to a church building because my DH "says" I can?  Or should I follow what seems to be in his heart?

I have often times felt that men will give the "politically correct" answer because they don't want to appear "domineering" to the rest of society....  Or because they don't want to "upset" the wife.

I think sometimes the problem lies in the timing of church and time we could spend with them....When I was going to church without my husband it was close and the services were family type. As in no sunday school just one service with a small portion directed toward the children. so, I wasn't gone that long in the morning. And we always came right back after church. But, some church services could cut into their day off and spending time together. I would try to be sensitive to that.

If he doesn't seem to really want you to go even if he says you should.....well, I'd go with the heart of it! Do what he wants you to.
The video was good but really didn't talk about whether women should go to church with or without their husbands. It was directed to the gift of prophecy in women and what it meant. It does not mean preaching and teaching in a church. He talked about how when women start to do that the men back off and don't really ever get involved. So even in attending church you might need to be careful that you aren't taking over the spiritual life of the family.

I would leave it strictly to just fellowshipping for you and the children. The kids have christian friends, you have christian friends and you hear some preaching and teaching on the word of God and are encouraged. Technically if you think about it you could find that in different places, and not necessarily in a church  building. Stay in contact with christian friends help your daughter find some too. Fellowship....that's what's really important.

God has used the "structured church" in our lives....but it's not the only way He works.

[Momofone]

Thank you, ladies!  You have helped to bolster me!!

You're right, D&L - I do know.  Reading this thread brought the question around for me again, and I began to doubt myself.  It also happened to come on the heels of running into an old friend that asked if we'd found a church since our move.   The look on her face when I told her that we don't attend a church, but instead "home church" made me feel awkward.

We are now blessed with having Daddy full time (ranch life!), and today just cemented what I already knew.   Besides your posts - DH stopped everything this morning to watch a local, 30 min. Bible program and asked if we would watch with him.  Yippee!!

Advanced search

• 1 Timothy 3:16 GOD was manifest in the flesh, or the Vatican versions "he"?: Translation Questions and Discussion byandiclare (3)
• Revelation 18:20 - Bible critics and "ye holy apostles and prophets": Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (0)
• What About the 2011 NIV Old Testament?: Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (0)
• 1 Samuel 6:19 Is your Bible the 100% historical truth of God? 50,070 or 70 slain: Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (3)
• What About the new NIV 2011?: Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (2)
• Answering the Typical Anti-KJB Only sites: Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (0)
• We are Gods?: Bible Discussion bySoffi (0)
• Every Man For Himself Bible Versions: Translation Questions and Discussion bybrandplucked (0)
• Answering James White's Question - Which KJV?: Translation Questions and Discussion byAndysDad (6)

• Japanese/English Bible?: Translation & Publishing—Resources, Questions & Interaction byGarlicMomma (5)
• Beka....?: Announcements & Updates byandiclare (0)
• HELP? Hubby can't sleep (I tried to search this): Healthcare @ Home byandiclare (1)
• Where is everyone?: Nothing Deep byGarlicMomma (5)
• Introduce Yourself!: Nothing Deep bypiperjameson (325)
• The scoop on Soap: House and Home byCherika Four Seasons (1)
• Ideas: Children serving each other: Parenting byjenibee (0)
• My husband needs help with something I think is wrong: Relationships byjackiee (4)
• like minded moms?: Parenting byHomeschool_Newbie (2)
• "Courtship" discussions/questions: Relationships byHomeschool_Newbie (15)
• Announcing....: Announcements & Updates byBJ_BOBBI_JO (5)
• 80 days dream: Announcements & Updates bybasething (16)
• strabismus: Healthcare @ Home byFree Woman (10)
• Prayer Requests -- Health Related: Healthcare @ Home byBJ_BOBBI_JO (640)
• Translations in Guatemala...: Translation & Publishing—Resources, Questions & Interaction byAndysDad (5)
• Boring christian life: Sarah's Daughters byBJ_BOBBI_JO (6)
• Is this site for real?: Relationships byandiclare (2)
• Emergency food: canned or powder?: Nothing Deep byGarlicMomma (9)
• A heart issue for my children?: Parenting byandiclare (9)
• Keeping Warm, Heating Tips & Tricks: House and Home byherbalmom (60)

[Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.Did you miss your activation email?]

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

February 08, 2012, 03:19:31 PM

1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Members

• Total Members: 6896
• Latest: ESTel987

Stats

• Total Posts: 243886
• Total Topics: 21906
• Online Today: 37
• Online Ever: 437
• (April 01, 2008, 03:09:36 PM)

Users Online

• Users: 0
• Guests: 27
• Total: 27