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[Jesus_Princess]

I would like some advice from you ladies.  This morning I recieved the following message from a friend of mine (this was in answer to a question about a guy in her profile picture on fb).   We have grown up together (she being two years younger) and this is her first year away from home.  She is at a Christian college but that does not mean much really.  Anyway what advice would you give this young lady?  (I am pretty sure of what answers will come up and what I will say to her but I thought I would ask anyway.)

He's my manfriend and Jesus-project. He's a Christian, but he's just had too much "religion" (he was catholic) and not enough relationship, and it eventually got the best of him and he just wasn't into it. But surprisingly, he's shown a TON of improvement since we started hanging out. Bc we hang out like 24/7 almost. He's stopped cursing alot and partying and he's going to church and he's gonna bring his Bible back on Labor Day and we're gonna keep each other accountable because I haven't been too faithfulw ith my Bible reading since I've been here either. But, yeah, I don't know if he's doing it because he actually wants to, although he says he feels alot better since he has, or if it's just cuz he likes me. Which i like him too. He'd be good bf material if I can straighten him out. We have the same sense of humor and he's a gentleman and we're both extremely random and sarcastic and obnoxious. And he wants to be an elementary school teacher. What are your thoughts?

This really frightens me and, I hate to judge, before I got this I looked at his Facebook.  I do not even want her to hang around him!  I know I am not her mother but she has asked my advice...I do not want to sound parental or harsh but it really dismays me.

Another side thing that is a tad vexing is her grammer, or lack thereof; not like her...

[Amy Joy]

Maybe you would enjoy doing an practical exercise here: 

How about if you draft the response you think would give to your friend (who requested your thoughts).  Post your letter here, and then some of us ladies can critique it for you, helping you to see the strengths and weaknesses of your own analysis and counsel as you think you would give it.

I think such an exercise would be a valuable hands-on learning experience for you, personally, as well as a possible benefit to your friend. 

Waddaya say, do you want to do it? 

[Cherika Four Seasons]

She has asked for your thoughts so I think you can be straight with her.

If it were me (and it has been !) I would say that I think the situation is a little dangerous because becoming emotionally involved with a boy BEFORE he is "straightened out" could result in her falling in love whilst he is yet not "bf material" as she puts it.

I would tell her I love her and am praying for her to make a wise decision. I would also encourage her to earnestly seek God's will for her in this situation, and to ask a male family member she trusts  (probably her father ?) what he thinks of both the boy and her seeing him.

But, that is what I would say. She asked you and since she asked I don't think it would be rude for you to tell her what you think as long as you are gentle.

As for grammar.....
Facebook is a free for all, so I wouldn't worry

[Cherika Four Seasons]

Rebuke not an elder, but intreat [him] as a father; [and] the younger men as brethren;
The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity

I was in this situation not long ago and it really helped me to keep the above scripture it mind......it kinda changed my approach knowing that this girl was my sister! 

[Jesus_Princess]

Maybe you would enjoy doing an practical exercise here: 

How about if you draft the response you think would give to your friend (who requested your thoughts).  Post your letter here, and then some of us ladies can critique it for you, helping you to see the strengths and weaknesses of your own analysis and counsel as you think you would give it.

I think such an exercise would be a valuable hands-on learning experience for you, personally, as well as a possible benefit to your friend. 

Waddaya say, do you want to do it? 

Haha, sure!  I was actually just starting on a reply to her but I will have to finish it in the morning. 

Cherika, thank you and after I thought about it, she typed that in the same way she talks so I guess the content just made me a little over sensitive.  Thank you for posting the verse too!

[boysmama]

From a different perspective....

Sometimes people will ask for advice, when all they want is a chance to voice a defense against their own better judgement. I've been in this position before, thinking someone was sincere, and then they used our conversations to cement their wishes and talk themselves out of a conscience that was pricking them to begin with to go ahead and do what they wanted to do anyway. 

In other words, be careful. All the best advice in the world can backfire and it's sometimes best to leave them to their own conscience. Sometimes....I don't know about this situation and your friend.

You might ask her a question first...something my dad used to do with me. 
Ask her "What do you think I'm going to say?" And give her time to respond. Make HER say it.
 If she comes back with something like you might say....all you have to do is say, "Well, doesn't seem like you really need my advice. You have it figured out. You know what is right and wrong here" and then leave her own conscience eat at her.  It's harder for her to accuse herself of "well, you just don't understand. You don't really know him. You are just jealous. etc, etc
Or if she really is naive in this situation and has no idea what you would say, you can still give her advice.

[Jesus_Princess]

Okay, here it is.  My response is in green and her letter is in pink.

Well, dear, I am sure that you can most likely guess ay my feeilngs on the subject, but I will still give you some things to pray about (I hope ). 
Now, as of this moment I do not know anything about him except what I have seen on his profile and what you have told me (neither of which are really rooting for him that much right now, sorry to say).  My first few questions before giving you my thoughts are, When/Where/How did you meet him?  How long have you known him?  Do you know you can trust him? (note: I am not saying you cannot, but seeing as he is virtually unknown to me, I want you to be sure you know his true character.)  Now, I think that is all the questions I have, or maybe not...who knows
On to your message...

He's ***. He's my manfriend and Jesus-project. 

Ah, okay...
He's a Christian, but he's just had too much "religion" (he was catholic) and not enough relationship, and it eventually got the best of him and he just wasn't into it.
So, I really do not understand what this means, to be honest.  But he is a Christian..?..that is good!  

But surprisingly, he's shown a TON of improvement since we started hanging out. Bc we hang out like 24/7 almost.
Ok, this is what has me a little vexed.  How long have you been hanging out?  He should not be changing because of you, but because of Who he sees in you.  I am trying to be optimistic and think that this is really because he sees Jesus in you that is what he wants and not anything else.  You are an awesome lady and I know that you love Jesus with all your heart and hope that is what is causing him to "straighten out."

He's stopped cursing alot and partying and he's going to church and he's gonna bring his Bible back on Labor Day and
we're gonna keep each other accountable because I haven't been too faithfulw ith my Bible reading since I've been here either.
I pray this is all because God is working in his life, but let me share something, dear.  I have lived with two men (my dad and step-dad) who changed for the women they "fell in love" with.  I know that my step-dad does love Mommy, but it is a constant struggle for her to be his help meet when they are not facing in completely the same direction.  As for my dad and step-mom...He decided he was not happy anymore because "he lived his whole life as a lie," trying to be what he thought she wanted him to be (she never even had an inkling on that and really thought that everything he was, was his true self).  What I am saying, and this is for each and every guy that ever comes into your life not just ***, is be careful and pray that God will give you wisdom in knowing his true intentions.
As for keeping each other accountable, that seems like pretty shakey ground to me.   This can become a very intimate setting and you have to be careful how you go about it.  You can encourage him to read his Bible and ask him if he has been reading it, but you really need a girl or godly older women to keep you accountable.  Someone you can pray with.  The same goes for him (a man that is).  And if things work out and you two do decide to go out, he needs to be the spiritual leader; if you start out the friendship leading/teaching him it will be harder for him to take that role.

But, yeah, I don't know if he's doing it because he actually wants to, although he says he feels alot better since he has, or if it's just cuz he likes me. Which i like him too. He'd be good bf material if I can straighten him out. We have the same sense of humor and he's a gentleman and we're both extremely random and sarcastic and obnoxious. And he wants to be an elementary school teacher. What are your thoughts?

This is something I do not think we have ever really talked about.  What do you want in a guy?  What are you looking for (without thinking about anyone in particuliar) in the man you may marry one day?  You do not have to tell me but be totally honest with yourself.

I love you and I do not want you to be hurt!  Keep your eyes on Jesus and draw closer to Him and He will guide you.  My suggestion for right now would be to pray for *** and give him to God.  Remember, you have plenty of time there . 
Love you, dear!
Through Christ,
***

[Jesus_Princess]

Iam going to have to send her a reply; it has been about a week now since she asked my thoughts.  Pray that God will work in her life and his!
Thank you all!
Through Christ,
JP

[Jesus_Princess]

Another question for you ladies.  --I really have not figured out why my friends ask me these questions.  I have never been in a relationship or anything, yet I get asked for relationship advice...ah well, it does help me examine my self.--
My friend, who is in his first relationship ever, asked my opinion of couples praying together.  The exact wording was

...what's your opinion on couples praying together or not praying together?

Some of you may also want to comment on something else included in this post.  Please do not as I am off to create a thread for it.
Thanks much!
Through Christ,
JP

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