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Author Topic: Prayer requests -- parenting  (Read 7767 times)
sonja
Learning

Posts: 17
« on: June 05, 2006, 12:51:43 PM »
Hello!

I really need some prayer and also any ideas that you all might have for my situation. 

Almost three years ago, we started the process of adopting a girl from Russia.  It was very stressful and took up a lot of my time.  We have three biological children who suffered greatly during this time with all the paperwork and distractions, etc.  About a year and a half ago, we finally got our daughter, but it has been VERY difficult so it has taken up most of my time.  So for nearly three years now, the other three children have had to "entertain" themselves.  I regret to say that I have been so preoccupied, but am repentant now.  The problem is that we are so disconnected now.  I'm at a loss as to how to "get connected" again.  I just stumble and stutter.  They play so well together and I think they think I'm just a drag.  I just feel like my brain is so blocked...like I want to bang it against the wall to jar some ideas loose.  I love them dearly and am so sorry that they have paid such a heavy price.

Their ages are 10, almost 9 and 7.  Just for information sake, the daughter we adopted is now a month away from being 14!  There is really no resolution there, but I just see how much the other three have suffered and want to get back on track with them.  Anyway, your prayers for helping me get connected are much appreciated.  Thanks! 

Love, Sonja
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elahey
Adept

Posts: 86
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2006, 02:09:20 PM »
Hi Sonja,

I can feel your pain.  Honey, the best place you can start is to just look at each of your kids and smile a genuine, warm smile at them.  *Ask them questions* about things they love to encourage them to open up and tell you what they're interested in, what they think about ... of course, you can't force it, but just letting them know you're there is a big step.  (It goes without saying that you are just the listener in this scenario - not the judger or advice-giver <grin>).  You can also just candidly admit that you realize you've been too busy and haven't given them enough of your time, and that you want to change that.  Be warned, though, that if you overdo it and constantly bring it up, they'll consider it whining and feeling sorry for yourself instead of genuine repentance on your part.  Repentance means "turning in the opposite direction" -- it doesn't mean beating yourself up and constantly feeling guilty.  Admit it to them, change your act and get on with life in the new manner!

You could take each kid out for a "date" together.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  Just take them to the park, on a bike ride, a walk or hike - *anything* that is just focusing on each kid individually, or even two at a time sometimes. 

Just keep looking for opportunities where you can give each one some individual attention and show genuine interest in them and what they love.  That will tie heartstrings between you.  Smile as much as you can (especially at them -- but a smile makes you so beautiful to them).  Sing, be joyful, be *thankful*.  Make a point of pointing out your blessings to them.  Often, when I notice how pretty the day is, or some flowers, or a nice smell, I say right out loud "Isn't it beautiful out?  God has given us a beautiful day!"  We thank the Lord in prayer for each of our children ... right in front of them at the dinner table.  Brag about their accomplishments to others and let them hear you do it!

Here's a biggie ... love on their Dad.  There's nothing a kid loves in the world more than seeing his Mama and Daddy look at each other with love, and kissing each other!  Our kids love it!  Point out all the things you love about their Dad.  Be excited when he's coming home from work -- get the kids excited about it, too!  (If you have to ... "fake it 'til you make it!")

That's a start at any rate.  The other thing I'd do would be to read any and all of the Pearl's books and articles I could get my hands on, watch their videos and listen to their tapes and cd's -- all with an intent focus on searching out their advice on how to tie strings and how to be attractive to your kids.  You might be surprised at how it could even change the Russian girl for the better, too!

Let us know how it's going, okay?

~Erin
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sonja
Learning

Posts: 17
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2006, 04:45:35 PM »
What a very sweet and encouraging response.  Thank you so much! 

I have read and listened to lots of the Pearl's stuff and enjoy it greatly.  I just get so bogged down with where to begin.  But even just since posting the e-mail God has been faithful.  My kids had wanted to rake up the grass for our elderly neighbors so I went to help with that and it was fun.  When I got there, they asked me why I was there....obviously surprised.   Sad   I just feel so challenged in the creative department.  Your note has given me lots of little ideas that I'd better write down before I forget!   Smiley  Thanks again.

Sonja
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CinCapri
Adept

Posts: 142
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2006, 02:25:11 AM »
I can totally relate about not being creative. Here's what I've learned about bonding with my kids after being disconnected. 

Your  younger ones will latch on to you without reserve. The older one will be a bit more cautious most likely. 

Here's some ideas that don't take any creativity:

Pretend. Pretend your a teacher and your kids are the students, be slippery sweet, wear a silly outfit, huge glasses, a silly wig or just dress up nice.  Or be a mean teacher, bent over with one eye shut, with a cane. make them sit in the corner, do push ups, run in place, croak at them for not doing their home work.  Just play. Then ask them which teacher they liked more and why.  Then play that teacher next time you *pretend*

Pretend they long lost friends visiting and they've come to stay with you. Introduce them to everyone, show them where they'll sleep, give them all a special lunch to welcome them and sprinkler time outside *with* you.

Pretend two of your children are guests, friends of the other child. Treat them nicely and politely and ask them all about *their* family, likes and dislikes.  Have a picnic or special inside lunch to welcome new friends.

Make goodies like cookies, pudding, cupcakes, ice cream, jello and do it together, make all of them, having one child make each one, make daddy's favorite dessert, share with a neighbor.

Play a game outside with them, every day or night.  Put it on the calendar so they know they have a spot. Play soccer, tennis, basketball, roller blade, bike ride, volleyball...........

Paint together...........get big sheets of paper and paint the landscape, an animal, paint eachother, put on some soft music or fast music and give them enough time to paint three paintings. 

Play story time. Have your oldest start telling a story with just one or two sentences. Then go tot he next child and so on. It's fun to see the story unfold and the kids will see that Mama really does want to sit and be with them.  Make some popcorn to have while your story tell.


They are so young and they will come around sooner than later.  Don't be concerned with doing it right but rather be concerned with looking at them, smiling, loving them, noticing them, commenting on their ideas, likes, choices, friends, accomplishments, diligence, responsibility. There's always something good to notice. Slow down and relax and just be their Mama. They will see and feel your love and return it with kindness.

Lastly, ask God every day, every new opportunity with you children to knit your hearts together.  I look back and see all my bumps in our relationship as opportunities for me to look at myself and see where I've gotten off track. We are to look to Him for answers, help, open doors, open hearts, creativity and an out pouring of love.

Best to you and your dear family ~Cinnamon
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herbalmama
Adept

Posts: 209
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2007, 04:13:27 PM »
I am not sur where to post this so I am going to post this here as this is something in our families life that is going to need much healing.From my other posts on either here or WellTellMe  you may have gathered that I am a stepmom to my husbands two  daughters .The history of my husbands marraige is long and drawn out but a shortened version would be they married for all the wrong reasons he :lonely from being away and fighting as a marine in turkey,she hated her parents snd wanted to get out of the house.After about four years of marraige he decide that God was calling him to leave the marine corp and this angered her as she loved the position as a prominent officers wife.She took out her frustration by having several affairs and evetually leaving him (as he wouldnt leave her ) for another man ,to whom she also cheated on several times but is now married to.
Now to the healing part and the part that needs so much prayer .She has a history of abusing my oldest stepdaughter ( not the youngest) but social services always said the bruises werent bold enough and because it was a two household family they are leary to substantiate any allegations of abuse.We have joint shared custody but the girls live wit their mother and stay with us every other weekend and during the summer and holidays.Well we ahve suspected the abuse had started up again within the past year and a half but oldest stepdaughter has been very quiet and not saying anything about it as we are in the process of going back to court for other violations ex-wife has been doingthe past year.well this weekend hubby comes upstairs and says "A" (oldest stepdaughter ) is crying and wont talk and he doesnt know what to do. So I go downsairs and "A " who usually isnt the type to let me hold her just collaspses in my arms and is sobbing .I had to asure her that I would speak to neither her mom or dad before she (12 yrs old btw) finally lets me know that last week her mom slapped her so hard across the side of her head that she was knocked off her feet.If anyone has read "A Boy Called It" in a way the situation is something like this in their house where only one child is singled out for abuse ( though the abuse isnt as bad as that in the book it is still abuse both emotional and physical.So we need prayer ,much much prayer .MY husband doesnt know what to do social services didnt help last time (before dh an dI were married ) and yet we need to help "A" fast bu twe dont know what to do so as not to put her in harms way even more BTW we are in a liberal circuit as far as courts go they see a partying ,adulterous ,woman(by her own admisssion in court ) as not being a detriment to her children.So please pray  and any words of encouragement and older wiser guidance would be so appreciated by both hubby and I.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2007, 10:03:43 AM by herbalmama » Logged
BJ_BOBBI_JO
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« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2007, 09:31:35 PM »
Prayers said for your situation from here.
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herbalmama
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Posts: 209
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2007, 07:12:50 AM »
Thank You BJ_BOBBI_JO   Smiley  We usually avoid Dept of Social Services like the plague ,as we are a conservative homeschooling family under religious exemption in our state.It is so sad that they will remove a child from a loving home where the parents are just training the child in love and yet a home where a child is being blantantly abused will just be passed on by.
After much prayer I went and made a formal complaint, pray taht God gives "A" a special measure of courage and strength and protection during her questioning by the social workers.
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healthyinOhio
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Posts: 3924


Happily Married for 8 years and proud mama of 2.
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2007, 10:41:02 AM »
Will pray for you herbalmama!!  I was physically abused by my mom and called social services myself.  They didn't believe me and nothing was done.  But when it comes down to it, my Father should have done something.  He was the head. 
Keep us updated!!
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Joyfulmomto9
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Posts: 168
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2007, 12:08:52 AM »
Will pray.  I think in this terrible almost desperate situation only the Lord Jesus himself can show you what to do.  Seek Him diligently.  I was also in this situation as a child.  No one took it seriously either.  But now as a mom who takes good care of my children yet not according to political correctness I fear someone taking our kids away.  BUT that reminds me we are not to fear man but to fear God alone!!!  Victory!!! Believe that God can and is willing to do it!
Through His blood we are more than conquerers.  Is your daughter born again? 
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herbalmama
Adept

Posts: 209
« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2007, 04:31:51 PM »
Hubby and I are praying constantly about this situation.Yes Jesus is the only one that can rescue my stepdaughter out of this horrible situation.Usually hubby is so strong ,a great man of faith and yet he is having a very hard time with this one .I pray that God is with me and helping me as I lovingly remind hubby of the fact that we must believe that the Lord will do what is right and come to the aid of my daughter.
She was recently born again and is such a joy to see as she struggles to live as she knows she ought even in a very hard environment to do so.
Oh ,and thank you Joyfull momto9, for calling her my "daughter" for even though she has an earthly mother I love her as much as one of my own.And not trying to take her mothers place all these years but showing her a  Christlike mothers love has finally paid off as she called me "mommy" for the first time a month ago  Smiley.
So please all continue to pray and I will keep everyone updated.
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carolinagirl
Adept

Posts: 141
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2007, 06:06:17 AM »
Well, since we both worry about this, we can pray for each other Grin 

When I lived on Lady's Island, I had this fear everytime I went over the bridge to leave the island, that I would lose my children. I was scared to death to cross bridges with them. I know, sounds silly.

I've always feared leaving my children with ANYONE, scared they get in a car accident. I had to really work on not asking my husband to let me drive all the time, because I sat so white-knuckled in the car when he drove!

I have to constantly remind myself that God is watching over them even better than I ever could!
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mxmom
Adept

Posts: 206
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2007, 03:08:01 PM »
I must be really weird....my fear when the kids were young was that I would die and my babies would live without their mother (I had a form of religion back then and dh had none, thus the silly belief that I was their only link to God  Roll Eyes).  Now that they are older and would be better able to cope without me, their most beloved mom (they are sitting here while I am typing this - can you hear them groan  Wink), I am able to rest in knowing that they are not really mine, but just a gift from God and He will take care of them.
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carolinagirl
Adept

Posts: 141
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2007, 05:15:49 PM »
That is my worst fear now...to leave my children behind without a mommy Cry Cry Cry  I think of it too much probably, but it does cause me to thank God and cherish every day He gives me with my family!!!
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shiningHislight
Learning

Posts: 12
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2007, 02:59:55 PM »
hermalmama,
I just read through this thread and wanted you to know that I am praying for your daughter and your whole family. Maybe everything has been resolved but I knew it wouldn't hurt to lift you up in prayer anyway!
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herbalmama
Adept

Posts: 209
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2007, 10:10:44 AM »
Just wanted to say thanks to all for your prayers for this situation . This past monday we were granted full physical custody off  my stepdaughter.She will visit with her mother every other weekend .Please lift up his other daughter in prayer as his ex-wife still has physical custody of her . She has manipulated and twisted her into becoming a very spoiled selfish child who will lie to get what she wants and that isnt ofrten becuas eher mother is making the world revolve around her.It is  very sad she hates her father (dh ) now becuase though he still fills her world with love and affection as he does with  all of our children ,he doesnt cater to her wants for expensive things . We are confiden tthat Lord has worked beautifully so far in this unfortunate situation and will continue to do so.
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JoyInHim
Guest
« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2007, 07:11:17 PM »
Praying and God BLESS you for being such a good (step)mommy to these girls!!
 Smiley
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burlsgirl
Adept

Posts: 677
« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2007, 06:39:39 AM »
I have a friend who recently found out her oldest daughter (not  yet 7) has been inappropriately handled by a juvenile family member when she has to go to her father's, almost 1000 miles away. I'll skip all details except to say that she has been to therapists & the police; DHS has visited the house, yet they're all telling her she still has to allow her girls to go w/ their father today. She's so scared, but I believe she & her girls will not be there when he arrives to pick them up, which will put HER in contempt of court. He's literally on his way to her home right now. She's scared of the court order and is not sure what to do, but only has one hour to decide. Please pray!!! BTW, the father...not so nice. She's afraid if she does this, he'll end up with custody of the girls.

PRAY!!!!!!!!!
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Mom2four
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Posts: 458
« Reply #17 on: November 22, 2007, 09:41:45 AM »
Praying!  Let us know what happens.
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nexis777
Master

Posts: 764
« Reply #18 on: November 22, 2007, 11:42:17 AM »
Oh my goodness!!!! PRAYING!!!
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servantgirl
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Posts: 222
« Reply #19 on: November 22, 2007, 09:21:14 PM »
I know it is late but I just saw  this.  I am praying too.
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amy3js
Master

Posts: 1557
« Reply #20 on: November 22, 2007, 09:41:09 PM »
Quote from: servantgirl on November 22, 2007, 09:21:14 PM
I know it is late but I just saw  this.  I am praying too.

Ditto
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Marisa
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Posts: 106
« Reply #21 on: November 28, 2007, 06:19:40 PM »
Will be praying also.
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joshs_rebekah
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« Reply #22 on: March 29, 2008, 12:55:56 PM »
I was going to start a new thread, but figured this would work better.

We have been working with our oldest for the last two and a half days on a very silly act of obedience.  She is holding out "fighting to the death" on it.

Please pray that Papa and I will be able to have wisdom and the perseverance to outlast her.  I am BEYOND frustrated.

Thanks

Rebekah
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nexis777
Master

Posts: 764
« Reply #23 on: March 29, 2008, 01:52:34 PM »
Praying Rebekah!!! I know how hard it can be, but it's well worth it in the end!!!
Stay strong!
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joshs_rebekah
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« Reply #24 on: March 31, 2008, 12:05:27 PM »
Thanks for praying.  We have changed strategies after receiving some counsel...  Definitely not as stressful as it was!

Still working on it though!
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Skydancesmom
Adept

Posts: 153
« Reply #25 on: September 29, 2008, 05:11:04 PM »
    Sometimes when I get disconnected from my boys, ages 4,2 and 5 months, I take all distractions away and all we have is each other!  I will also start everyday with a walk, we are forced to play, laugh and talk to each other as that is all we have!  At the park there is just green grass and me and the boys!  This forces me to be creative and interact with them, which sounds like it should come naturally but with home schooling, housework and wife duties, it is easy to get distracted!  Hope this helps, by the way if you haven't, Toss your TV, Video games etc.  This helps!
Skydancesmom
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Monita
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Posts: 382
« Reply #26 on: March 31, 2009, 08:42:14 AM »
I was not sure where to post this. 

Tomorrow my 2 oldest will be taking the state basic skills test all day.  They have never had to do the whole test in one day before. 

These test scores are used as a gauge of how good we are doing homeschooling and whether we will continue homeschooling or not.
One of my sons has a hard time finishing the tests because of the time allotted for math is too short for him.  Embarrassed

Pray for my boys!

Thank you!  We get be getting their (awesome) results in May, I will update then. Wink
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Monita
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Posts: 382
« Reply #27 on: May 20, 2009, 06:34:03 AM »
Quote
I was not sure where to post this. 

Tomorrow my 2 oldest will be taking the state basic skills test all day.  They have never had to do the whole test in one day before. 

These test scores are used as a gauge of how good we are doing homeschooling and whether we will continue homeschooling or not.
One of my sons has a hard time finishing the tests because of the time allotted for math is too short for him. 

Pray for my boys!


Thank you!  We get be getting their (awesome) results in May, I will update then.



Praise Praise!

My boys did soo well  on their test!  My Dh is beaming with satisfaction and we get to continue homeschooling!   My ds's are so pleased with themselves too.
I was concerned because we had gotten off of the beaten path the last two years as far as curriculum and I had hoped it would not reflect badly on one of those dumb tests but it was the opposite.  According to the test my 14yo should be in collage!lol.  And my 12 yo in high school.  I am so please for them and thankful to God for,  as always, blessing our obedience.   

Thanks for your prayers!
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servantgirl
Adept

Posts: 222
« Reply #28 on: July 29, 2009, 11:10:42 PM »
Hi,
I have had a stressful time the last few days as the Lord has laid a warning on my spirit. He has comforted me today, but I could use some prayer from you understanding caring ladies!!

This will take a bit of background explanation, sorry.
Last Sept. my sons (then 11 and 9)  and I were in a very terrible car accident. We were t-boned in the side by a driver  on drugs running a stop sign at  extreme speed. My 9 yo was very badly hurt and almost died. He had many injuries. My 11 yo was not badly physically hurt but was very traumatized by the gruesome event and esp his  brother's condition at the scene. He is also high functioning autistic.  I had a broken pelvis in 3 places. The 9 y0 and I stayed in the hospital for 3 wks. Afterwards we had to wait 3 months before we could return to our home, waiting for handicap- accessible modifications. (BTW, youngest son no longer uses wheelchair, PTL!)

OK, so since October we have had appts with dr's and therapists most days out of the week. Not  so often for the last month though.  I do NOT feel that most of these dr's or "professionals" are necessary by any means. The Lord has miraculously healed my son in amazing ways. This has become a "game " we have to play to keep the important people happy. I am sorry I can't fully explain what I mean without giving too much detail.  I understood that this is the way it goes, but I never liked it, and I was assured it wouldn't go on too long.

Well here is my problem. Number one, it's getting really old. We are beyond tired of dr's and therapists. I mean we hardly ever went before the accident, cause we healed everything  naturally. Not a really big problem though.

Number 2, an area of warning. Too many people are in my business. And they all are "experts". And- they all have opinions of what is "best" for my kids. And - homeschooling in a relaxed loving way like our lives have been, up to this point, is not any "expert's" idea of the "best". This is making me VERY nervous.

Number 3, an area of warning. I had been having symptoms of a possible head injury. I knew I had hit my head, and I had symptoms. So I reported them to my dr and therapist. Well, I was tested and I am waiting for results, but from dr's comments about the test,  it sounds like it will not show any proof of injury. BUT... here I am on record  having these symptoms which MAY be  (p0ssibly if the person wanted to) interpreted in a way that makes me look "incapable" of doing **who knows whatever** for my children.
I really don't like this.

DH is just trying to do what we have to do. I have spoken to him about my concerns and he agreed, in fact he has been feeling an urge to "get things over with" for the last several weeks.  I have assessed each dr and appointment coming up and have made  a plan of how to wrap things up as quickly as possible without raising any red flags ( I  hope). But it will still take several more weeks no matter what. And then of course there are still a few that we will have to keep up with, just not too often.

I wish this whole thing had never happened. The injuries and displacement were not as bad as this feeling of losing control of our life. I fear having my rights as a parent overridden.  I wish I had never gotten trapped into this web of "qualified experts" who may be qualified to ruin my life.  I wish I had never even mentioned any symptoms that might be used against me. 

Please pray for God's protection on our family. We have experienced so many  miracles related to this accident already! The truth is, my kids are doing great! My youngest is almost completely back to his normal self. I am doing fine and I AM perfectly capable of taking care of everything they need. They are longing for our old life back, and that's all we want. Please pray that we will all be found "just fine" and not in need of any other therapy/ monitoring.

THANK YOU!! it means so much!  Kiss
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Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
khix
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Posts: 1975


Forever changed, forever Yours!
« Reply #29 on: July 30, 2009, 05:29:17 AM »
Praying!
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