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[denisew]

Hi everyone!  I'm new to the group but was thinking maybe someone else out there might know how to deal with family who thinks your crazy for not taking your kids to the Dr., etc.  My mom just yelled at me over the phone and threatened to call DHR on me for not taking my youngest (22 mos.) to the Dr. because his eczema on his foot has some infection. On top of that I just found out I'm pregnant with #5 and I'm still in shock plus emotional of course.  So how do you guys handle these things?  My child has no fever and he's not in severe pain, it does hurt when I try to treat it.  I'm putting colloidal silver on it for now and giving it to him in his cup.  Any help would be appreciated.  I have been on this site studying eczema and I just found out (through that Electro-Dermal testing) that it is from fungus!  I'm about to go nuts! I've got my Coconut Oil and some tea tree oil I've been mixing together to apply topically.  Should I be treating this like yeast overgrowth?  Is it the same thing??

Please Help!
Denise in Alabama

[healthyinOhio]

Wow, Denise, this is really serious!  This will probably be moved to the prayer section or 7x sunday for advice, but is your mother really serious?  Do you think she is bluffing?  What does your husband think you should do? 
I know that if my parents ever said that my husband would remove all contact with them.  He is pretty serious when it comes to messing with what is his authority. Will pray for you and do be cautious. 

[denim&lace]

Hey Denise,
My husband actually moved us to 4000 miles away to stop his mother from harrassing us and threatning us that way.  A very wise thing on his part as I don't think anything else would have made a significant difference in our situation. 

I would probably try an elimination diet for your little one to see if it is food sensitivities or allergies.  Corn, wheat and dairy are usual culprits. 

I'm sorry this is happening for you.  Do be cautious and I have also prayed for you.   

[HeyMom]

Wow, Denise, this is really serious!  This will probably be moved to the prayer section or 7x sunday for advice, but is your mother really serious?  Do you think she is bluffing?  What does your husband think you should do? 
I know that if my parents ever said that my husband would remove all contact with them.  He is pretty serious when it comes to messing with what is his authority. Will pray for you and do be cautious. 

Denise ~

I so agree with HIO - even if she is "bluffing" you just don't do that, I know my sweet Mr. Command would do the same as above.

Until you can talk to your husband and pray about this - I would not answer any more phone calls -OR- change subject when talking about your little one, be vague, will be praying for your situation with your mother and healing for your little one. 

May God calm your anxious heart....

[Roehrmomma]

I am praying for you.I personally understand your pain.Do everything that you can to heal him.I say all the garlic you can get in and on him.I have also been giving my children cayenne tinctures to speed healing.

I will pray for you please keep us posted.I am so sorry.

Em

[denisew]

Wow!  You guys are so quick to answer! It makes me cry just reading your responses.  I thank God for WTM and all of you who are praying!  After I calmed down a little I was just thinking about how I do fall under my husbands authority and the way we live is his decision.  I haven't told him yet what my mom has said.  I'm afraid this will be it for him!  I don't know if she is bluffing or not.  You know, if this were a life or death situation I could understand.  But it's eczema!  I know there are deeper, underlying causes for it but at the moment I'm trying to get rid of infection.  I've been looking at the candida diet (boy that's going to be hard) but I think that's my answer.  I just can't believe my mom would call DHR on me~ she's in nursing school so everything I do or don't do go against all of her "training".  Thank you so much for your help.  I actually hung up on her!  I DO NOT want to talk to her at all!  I'm not sure what to do next.  I guess I should wait and talk with my husband when he gets home!  THanks everyone!

Denise in Alabama 

[KristenA]

I just can't believe my mom would call DHR on me~ she's in nursing school so everything I do or don't do go against all of her "training".  Thank you so much for your help. 

She is a danger. Do not take threats like this lightly.

If your husband does decide "this is it" it would be terribly unwise and unsafe for you and your children to question his authority in the least. Stand by him! That includes your eyes darting, your body language, your facial expression, and your tone.
Pray for this before he gets home.

[NotLuckyButBlessed]

From what I understand, GOOT would be great for his particular symptoms.

As for your mother. sigh.

Moms, and women in general, can be emotional, controlling AND manipulative without allowing the Lord to live through us. When it comes to our children (and grandchildren I suppose) we probably need to remind ourselves constantly.

It sounds like she has used whatever trump card she can find to use against you to try to make you do things her way.

IMHO, the best thing to do (besides talking to your dh about it and seeing what he says to do), which is SO hard when it is your mom, is to remain calm and non-emotional when she makes threats.

Calmly say you understand why she is concerned based on the training she has but that you have been studying up on methods for treating him yourself that you feel will serve him better in the long run.

Assure her that you have not gone off the deep end and that, obviously, if his foot is getting worse with your home treatments, you will take your child to get whatever care is necessary. Remind her that you have taken care of your children just fine til now.

Let her know..again, CALMLY, that if she cannot hear the everyday details of your life and abide by what you and your hubby decide to do, you will not feel free to share things with her and will certainly not be able to ask her advice.

Sometimes it helps to soften it some by then saying you love her and you know she loves you and your child and you appreciate that she wants to help BUT...

[SC]

I just can't believe my mom would call DHR on me~ she's in nursing school so everything I do or don't do go against all of her "training".  Thank you so much for your help. 

She is a danger. Do not take threats like this lightly.

I agree.

We also have another thread on this, but it might take me a few minutes to find it.   

I found it.

http://www.7xsunday.net/forum/index.php/topic,727.0.html

I third this opinion. I would not volunteer any more health information to her. Change the subject, ask her how her day is going, tell her that you can't chat right now, but DON'T offer information to any person that threatens you or your children -- no matter what she calls herself. JMO

[KristenA]

IMHO, the best thing to do (besides talking to your dh about it and seeing what he says to do), which is SO hard when it is your mom, is to remain calm and non-emotional when she makes threats.

Calmly say you understand why she is concerned based on the training she has but that you have been studying up on alternative methods for treating him that you feel will serve him better in the long run.

Assure her that you have not gone off the deep end and that, obviously, if his foot is getting worse with your home treatments, you will take your child to get whatever care is necessary. Remind her that you have taken care of your children just fine til now.

I disagree.
The above is what I would do for someone concerned about my children with an inquisitive  kind mind.
This situation is different. If anyone, I mean ANYONE on this earth threatened to call government services because they (the complainer) wasn't getting their way.... I would take the threat very seriously.

I would expect phone calls to be recorded and treat them as such. Words can be spliced and misconstrued.
I would expect someone (especially the accuser) to attempt to enter my home uninvited and lie about what they see.
I would expect my husband to be attacked and wouldn't stand for it.

I would NOT churn inside and hate. I would make the appropriate accomidations to my life that would decrease the chances of my children being RIPPED from my home because of the World's "knowledge" and hate.
 
Yes, ladies... it IS that serious.
I believe what people tell me when it concerns threats to my family.

[floydian]

From what I understand, GOOT would be great for his particular symptoms.

As for your mother. sigh.

Moms, and women in general, can be emotional, controlling AND manipulative without allowing the Lord to live through us. When it comes to our children (and grandchildren I suppose) we probably need to remind ourselves constantly.

It sounds like she has used whatever trump card she can find to use against you to try to make you do things her way.

IMHO, the best thing to do (besides talking to your dh about it and seeing what he says to do), which is SO hard when it is your mom, is to remain calm and non-emotional when she makes threats.

Calmly say you understand why she is concerned based on the training she has but that you have been studying up on alternative methods for treating him that you feel will serve him better in the long run.

Assure her that you have not gone off the deep end and that, obviously, if his foot is getting worse with your home treatments, you will take your child to get whatever care is necessary. Remind her that you have taken care of your children just fine til now.

Let her know..again, CALMLY, that if she cannot hear the everyday details of your life and abide by what you and your hubby decide to do, you will not feel free to share things with her and will certainly not be able to ask her advice.

Sometimes it helps to soften it some by then saying you love her and you know she loves you and your child and you appreciate that she wants to help BUT...

I was thinking something very similar.  Notlucky has some very good answers.
To maybe see things from her perspective.  (Not that you want to right now since she just threatened you) but...

A good friend is a nurse.  She saw many ugly sights during her training.  She saw nasty infections that cause much damage that could have been prevented had the person had proper medical care.  I was wondering if your mother is truly worried about something similar happening to her grandson and is doing her best to prevent it.  

I am not saying I think she is going about it the right way!!!!

We also have close friends who are doctors.  They have seen many home remedies get folks in trouble where medical intervention could have saved a life or a limb.  Again, I am NOT against home remedies.  I use them on a regular basis and have suggested a few to our dr. friends.  There are so many horror stories out there today about infections that kill or maim, that I can easily see how a nurse especially could get really worried.

Remain calm and remember that "A soft answer turneth away wrath."


On no, I just disagreed with SC.

[SC]

On no, I just disagreed with SC.

ROTFL! Now THAT was funny!
Your tribe is too large to count. 

[NotLuckyButBlessed]

Let me clarify: I am NOT saying not to take her threat seriously. I don't know your mother and wouldn't presume to tell you how to interpret what she says.

You have to protect your family, under your husbands guidance (again, this is key because we, as women, can get all tangled up in emotion, especially when it comes to our mothers).

When I am in doubt about how to handle something I often think of this verse:

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19)

It is a blessing if we can honor our parents, seek peace and pursue it AND keep our families safe. They don't have to be mutually exclusive:)

[KristenA]

Let me clarify: I am NOT saying not to take her threat seriously. I don't know your mother and wouldn't presume to tell you how to interpret what she says.

I realize that.
But most people don't realize how sticky getting caught up in the system can be.

I was involved in many child custody battles...I was the child.
MY phone calls were recorded and the meanings were warped . I was asked to sign letters I wrote under serious pressure. I was taken to Psychiatrists and others  to undermine my grandparent's credit and mother's credit.
Things get dirty.

NO HEALTH information should be given to someone threatening (or promising) to destroy a family.
Saying "I'm researching alternative options." is like hanging yourself in (most) court's of law. It is NOT respected by the medical community or the child services.

[NotLuckyButBlessed]

Yes, it is true that the phrase "alternative options" could be taken out of context and used in a way it was not intended. Personally, the way I intended it was not the way it came across, as in alternative medicine. I just meant ways alternative to what her mother was demanding. Thank you for bringing that to my attention KristenA.

I also was a child involved in an ugly custody battle (this came up in another prayer request today too!) until I was 22 and had my own child. I have also seen DHS at work from both sides, as an observing family member, a friend and a women's laypastor/laypastor's wife.

Oftentimes, if someone is threatening you with the intent of truly following through, especially a family member, responding with a soft answer diffuses the situation and lessens the likelihood that they will do something irrational. You are thus protecting your family by remaining calm.

Conversely, if you react out of panic or anger or shut them out, they may use that to further their case, even if only in their own mind.

Does this explain it better? Sorry if I wasn't clear initially:)

[KristenA]

Yes, it is true that the phrase "alternative options" could be taken out of context and used in a way it was not intended. Personally, the way I intended it was not the way it came across, as in alternative medicine. I just meant ways alternative to what her mother was demanding. Thank you for bringing that to my attention KristenA.

LOL
My mom used to say I should be a lawyer. Yes, be careful what you say about health.
I just wouldn't talk about it at all or answer yes and no questions with this woman.

Oftentimes, if someone is threatening you with the intent of truly following through, especially a family member, responding with a soft answer diffuses the situation and lessens the likelihood that they will do something irrational. You are thus protecting your family by remaining calm.

Conversely, if you react out of panic or anger or shut them out, they may use that to further their case, even if only in their own mind.

I agree. You can protect your family by remaining calm, but SMART not thinking "Oh, they don't mean it (not thinking you feel that way NotLucky.....)
I agree: Don't flip out and be angry!
Just be calm in how you change your life to protect your family.
Follow your husbands.

[SC]

I just can't believe my mom would call DHR on me~ she's in nursing school so everything I do or don't do go against all of her "training".  Thank you so much for your help. 

She is a danger. Do not take threats like this lightly.

I agree.

We also have another thread on this, but it might take me a few minutes to find it.   

I found it.

http://www.7xsunday.net/forum/index.php/topic,727.0.html

I third this opinion. I would not volunteer any more health information to her. Change the subject, ask her how her day is going, tell her that you can't chat right now, but DON'T offer information to any person that threatens you or your children -- no matter what she calls herself. JMO

Just to clarify, I wasn't talking about drawing battle lines, just respecting the word of someone that makes a threat and not handing them anything else to use as ammunition. I would be generically pleasant and vague. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they need to be your best buddy and know your family's plans, medical information, finances, housing concerns, grocery list, etc. KWIM?

Keeping private matters private will go a LONG ways towards avoiding power struggles.

[joychild24seven]

If it came to a point where it would be expedient for you to go to a doctor, call a local midwife and ask what local doctors work as "backup" doctor's for her/ or any MD's she knows who are less traditional in their treatment options. If you go to see the doctor, tell them that you are trying to avoid using antibiotics unless absolutely necessary due to the overuse of antibiotics causing drug resistant strains. Ask them to have the wound cultured and if it is MRSA or a staph infection, that you are willing to do antibiotics, but if it is not then you would rather use a less agressive form of treatment. (This will make you sound informed and flexible).

I work in a clinic and there are several doctors I know who would be willing to use non antibiotic treatments just because over use of antibiotics is becoming such a problem.

If it comes down to it, IMO it would be better in this instance to just go to the doctor (even if they give you a Rx you don't have to fill it) than to have to fight it out with DHR or any state or custody battles. I would go to the doctor, be humble towards the mother, and then I would keep all conversations about safe things. Don't be scared... just smart.

But back to your original question...  

I would use salt (preferably unrefined sea salt) in barely warm water to soak the foot in. This should deal with the fungus as well as the infection (remember swishing with salt water after having a tooth pulled?) Let the salt water dry on the skin if possible. Keep the area covered if possible with clean cloth or socks and resoak frequently. Dealing with the eczema can be a long term thing, but dealing with infection can be quick and easier!

Hope that helps!

[ShabbyChic]

Ditto to what JoyChild24Seven said.

And make sure that she doesn't feel that she needs to do this because SHE FEELS you aren't respecting her.  I know that's absurd, but it's often true that some women feel that they need to "teach you a lesson" even when it's not their responsibility.  I've experienced this and it's gruesome.

But if there's a way that you and hubby can tell her that you realize she must be doing this out of her immense love for her grandchildren, and you assure her that you and hubby ARE doing what's best, and that you are doing soaks, salves, and herbal ointments maybe she will lighten up. 

Remind her of the recalls that Elidel and other lotions for eczema have had recently, and tell her why you are choosing homeopathy, and make sure that you do it respectfully.  I know you don't have to, but I'm sure there's nothing you wouldn't do to keep your kids and stay away from the nightmare of wasting time with public he@lth offici@ls.

[HeyMom]

Wow - talk about emotion - I can feel it in this thread!

First, am praying for healing as I said above for healing for your little one whom God intrusted to you and your husband as parents of this precious child.  God is in control, not your mom, social services, etc.  Your husband is the leader on this earth of your family and I have no doubt that God will guide you as how to handle physical care for your child.

Secondly, wisdom, discernment, all again come from the Creator.

Christ did not "entertain" Satan by trying to placate him, make him feel "better" about how Christ was running the show so to speak.  I am NOT calling your mom wicked, but Satan can work through any of us and I don't believe in taking this lightly or that you should be walking on egg shells regarding your children being taken away from you.  A threat is not even uttered unless there has been some intent in the heart to follow through - it's called DHS here in Iowa and it can be ugly, been there, done that and when it comes down to honoring your mother or protecting your children, well, I guess I have answered that one already.

There is just another woman's emotional opinion 

I AM PRAYING for you and hubby! 

[NotLuckyButBlessed]

Dear Lord,

Please bring peace in the midst of this storm. We ask for wisdom, clarity and discernment for Denise's husband and for her, especially since it is her mom who is involved. Help her heart rest in you. Please help her heart trust in her husband even more.

Please bring healing quickly and miraculously to her baby's foot and keep her family healthy. In the name of Jesus, we bind any enemy that would seek to harm or destroy her family in any way. We ask your protection over the new unborn gift that is growing within her, that he or she will grow healthy and strong. And we pray for balance in her own body, that she would feel good and be able to nourish her body as she needs to.

We ask that you would bring humility and repentance to her mom. We ask that you would turn her heart toward her daughter.

Thank you that You are ever present, ever loving and ever forgiving. Thank you that you KNOW. Live through them and through all of us who belong to You. Amen

[Texas Girl.]

I can tell you from first hand experience that this is actually an understatement.  Kristen is actually being very tactful and reserved in her statements.  It can and will get so much worse if you don't take this seriously.

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

~Matthew 10:16

[/quote]
As a former social worker, I wholeheartedly agree!  DHS is an UNREGULATED agency.  Their decision is the ultimate authority should you somehow get entangled with them!  To me, that is scary, and I am horrified that a grandmother who claims to love her grandchildren would threaten that....SURELY she doesn't know what she is saying.  She needs a tour of a 'childrens' home' full of foster children and hear some of the gut-wrenching stories.  I could sure tell her a few.  Surely she can't believe that THAT would be a better alternative than living at home with loving parents.  I completely agree that she should NOT be included in family health discussions and that your hubby should be the go-between.  Don't give her a scrap of ammunition.

[RunAmokFarm]

As your emotions settle down, you will question how "serious" this threat really was.  I am sure you already will, but share all this with your husband and stick steadfast to his decision as he is your covering.

If, after some time has passed, your husband feels it is ok it will likely be ok to small talk with her - - but after this day, NEVER share your personal information or child care with her again.  

Anyone, ANYONE who would threaten your children should no longer be considered safe.  A grandmother who would threaten her daughter and grandchildren with a service that would possibly rip the children from their home is not stable.

I want to also pray that the Lord will bring peace and comfort into your home...  It sounds like you are similar to me...  I tend to share a bit too much with my family - all I will say is that I can identify with your situation... almost verbatim.

Matthew 10:15 King James Version
16Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

[AllinHisTime]

Wow!  I have to agree with Peace4All, HB and KristenA......

Those kind of threats should be taken very seriously and IMO, you should cut off all contact until further direction from your dh.  We've been involved with family threats for homeschooling.  God is awesome and totally in control.  The phone call was made and nothing became of it...HOWEVER...everyone in my dh's family became a culprit and we let everyone know that if anything did become of it that they would all be cut out of our lives for good.  NO joking.  The one who made the call was and still is out of our lives due to her vengeful, evil and manipulative behavior.  As long as she continues to act like someone evil from a twisted soap opera, she will not be allowed near us or our children. Period. 

Your story and mine (and many others unfortunately) is the perfect example of a controlling person trying to assume false authority. 

You and your dh have a God-given right to protect your family, no matter the cost.  That kind of "grandma" is not the kind of grandmother I would want my children to have. 

What ever you have lost for a decision in the right direction (Christ's way) He is going to reward with an hundred fold what you lost.  You will actually gain true family members.  Trust me on this one.  Making decisions to cut out your earthly family is not easy on anyone.  God will provide you with more family than you or your children will know what to do with!  your pain will be eased with His comfort and the distance between the ways of this world and His ways will grow.  Clarity will set in and you will understand and have that Peace that passes all understanding.  Our lives are much less drama-filled and threatened knowing we have eliminated the threatening factors. 

[luvbnamom]

I would have to agree with taking the threat very seriously.  We had the same thing happen to us about 4 years ago when our oldest was almost 3.  My dh's step father turned us into DHR because we wouldn't let him see ds unsupervised.  He threatened to do so and a week later he followed through on his threat.   When I found out that he had turned us in I packed up ds and went to their office and asked them what we needed to do to get this closed.  Dh didn't want to wait for them to come knocking on our door. The report had been made and had not been processed yet, so when I got there  the lady had to find the report and then read it since she had no clue what it said.  Then she checked ds for bruises (amazingly he didn't have one).  She was so impressed at how happy, obedient, out going and over all fun he was.  He just sat there in her office charming away.  She then made an appointment to come to our house the next day to meet my dh and see our place.  She was there a whole 10 minutes and that was it. She even apologized when she left at having to waste our time and hers.  Their letter dismissing the report as false and closed came two weeks later. They also made a report to flag any further reports from the sf.   My dh did make plans to send me and ds to Canada to my sister if the need had arose, but thankfully that never happened. 


I'm praying for you ~ Rebecca

[hollyolly123]

I'm so sorry for you.  My daughter has dealt with eczema and I succesfully treated the patch on the back of her leg with dead sea salt (the real stuff).  I made a concentrated soloutio in a jar and applied it topically every morning and every night, and again if it got sweaty.  It hurt her like crazy for days, but I calmly explained it would make her booboo go away, and the pain subsided after a few minutes after application.  When it started to heal, it didn't hurt any more, but I continued the treatment for weeks until I was sure it was gone.  May God bless you.  I didn't read through all the posts, but if you haven't yet, tell your hubby!  He is your family's protector, and you would be jeapordizing the safety of your children if you kept information from him.  Praying!

[savedbygrace]

I am wondering how all this turned out? Did you tell your husband? I just wanted you to know that if they do come to your door, you don't have to let them in. In fact; DONT. They have free reign if you let them in. When you let them in its like you invited the trouble. Of course this depends on what your husband says but you can definitely not tell your mom stuff anymore. Be friendly but not informative. DEFINATLY don't tell her if your kids are sick in any way! I have become more and more limited to what I can say to my mom. We are 5 states apart which helps too.  Hope things have gotten better for you.

[burlsgirl]

Hey guys! Listen, I'm 39 weeks pg and super hormonal, so this may be totally silly, but I have a situation that I would REALLY like to have prayed over. Yesterday, my 3 girls & I were in the cell phone store getting dh new phone for his bday. We were sat at a table where the lady was verifying our info & such. Anyway, at the same tabe, just waiting on his turn, was this man, who for some reason, really creeped me out. Let me just say that I am WAY prone to fear of violence against myself and/or my girls (really, I struggle with it almost constantly, probably a whole other topic  ). But this guy reminded me of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. So, the lady proceeded to "verify" our info by spouting off our address, phone #, etc...All I could think of was "great, now he knows where we live". Then she asked me if I traveled a lot (trying to sell me a new plan), to which I said no. The guy piped up & said that it looked like my days of traveling lots would be several years away yet (3 young children w/ one on the way), to which I replied "true". THEN he said, and guess this is the thing that really freaked me out, "Of course, they DO still make chloroform". UGH. I don't know, maybe it was just his humor. Maybe coming from someone else I would've even laughed, as my sense of humor is dry & sarcastic that way, too, but coming from him, it was just too creepy. I got up & walked across the room to "look at phones". He did too. Then finally they called his name & he did his buisiness & left.

Anyway, all that to say that I am struggling with this irrational fear verging on panic that he's coming to get us, chloroform soaked rag in hand!! I told my husband, whose response was "shoot him if he comes near this house". Like I said, this very thing is an almost constant struggle of mine that I've dealt with for going on 8 years now. I just don't know how to let go of this fear. So, would y'all just please pray? I don't have but one or two folks around here who wouldn't just roll their eyes at me.

Thanks for listening to my ramble. It's silly that I'm 33 years old and dealing with this stuff, I know, but I do appreciate your prayers.

Blessings,
Emily

[titus2wam]

We will be praying for you Emily. I think sometimes the "irrational fear " we feel is what can protect us. it causes us to be more aware of the things around us and to be ready for anything. So i will be praying that the Lord will give you peace and protection.
In HIM
Jeri

[Kansas Girl]

I don't think you are being silly at all!  I'll be praying for you.  -KG

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